New friend pulled me by my jumper and it annoyed me

Discussion in 'Self Improvement' started by green lion eating the sun, Oct 24, 2017.

  1. I started making friends again lately (so i am not talking to just this person), i am a 25-year old girl

    Basically I went out with this guy as friends and all 3 times he pulled me by my jumper
    Everytime he kept doing that, i thought he would have stopped after the first time he did it. Even on the weekend we went to a museum and he pulled me by my jumper to point at a stuff in the museum. he made fun of my accent too. he is American

    there was no need to touch my jumper in that way to make it larger. i didn't say a thing but before going to sleep i was very upset about it

    I had most of the guys i dated in the past stretching my clothes even while they were kissing me and also while we slept in my room. so for me getting my clothes ruined is a thing that reminds me of that. 9 months ago after my last guy who ruined my clothes (i had to throw away 90% of my clothes) I made a promise to myself to never allow anyone to do that to me ever again

    I am still working on boosting my confidence. before my reboot i ended up being a doormat. I have def improved since then but i think he felt free to treat me like that due to my not so strong self-esteem. I am still re-getting used to have friends again :emoji_nail_care:

    at the beginning i was thinking to keep hanging out with him coz i am still making friends and i didn't want to lose someone to talk to but now I don't want to keep hanging out with someone even a friend who acts that disrespectful towards me

    I was thinking yesterday to text him on whatsapp that the fact he pulled me by my jumper piss me off and to not do it again. I would feel stupid that i have to specify that to a person who could be my friend. i shouldn't have to say that. But honestly after a couple of hours I thought to just stop talking with him :emoji_no_good:
  2. You should tell him.

    That isn't good. But again say something about it to him and if he continues be done with the friendship. This might be his way of being friendly with you or just having fun, so he might not know this upsets you.
  3. he did it 3 times. self-respect is accepting to not deal with shitty behaviours and to cut a person out of my life if he doesn't treat me good. i feel even i mention to him he still did it and just for deciding to act in that way in the first place is not acceptable. also the fact he mocked my accent just coz he is an English language speaker

    I hung out with other people and they didn't pull me by my clothes. i told him when we went to a museum, that the jumper i was wearing in that moment was my favourite one, so somehow i think he got it that it bothered me a lot. I don't wanna have to be careful about my clothes if i hang out with him. I decided I won't hang out with him anymore
  4. Mavricko

    Mavricko Fapstronaut

    Is the accent thing not playful and flirtatious? Sounds harmless to me..

    As for the jumper just tell him not to do it...

    I've seen 2 of your threads and you need to lighten up I think. And communicate better. That would be good for your self improvement. Not trying to cause offence by the way.
  5. DeProfundis

    DeProfundis Fapstronaut

    Should tell him. Maybe he doesn't know how to treat a lady. Could be because of upbringing. But if he still wants to be disrespectful or rude, time to say bye!!!
  6. FriendlyCanadian

    FriendlyCanadian Fapstronaut

    I say you should tell him it really bothers you when he does that and if he can't respect you for that then it's time to move on from him.
  7. You always have to know your boundaries when you're talking/ dating someone.
  8. Hard gainer

    Hard gainer Fapstronaut

    Tell him once that you don't like that thing, being pulled by jumper. He might not be knowing that you don't like that thing. If he still continues doing that then don't encourage him.
    But I don't find making fun of accent is worng. I think he is trying to make fun. May be it depends on context. I don't know.........
    Any way make him know the thing you don't like.
  9. Sight

    Sight Fapstronaut

    There are peeps out there who can be very physically comfortable and friendly, can be hug-happy or pat-happy.
    It really is very possible he doesn't know you are getting uncomfortable, perhaps he just hasn't noticed your face scrunching up in annoyance or something.
    Or maybe he just likes his attention.

    It is entirely up to you in the end, there is no obligation to continue a friendship or to open up and express if you don't wish to, but if nothing else it could be good practice(in expressing your needs/wants), and then you can move on from the friendship.
  10. thanks guys :)
    I decided I won't hang out with him anymore
    i wasn't interested in him as dating material ever, max we would have been friends
    but i cannot be friends with someone who does something i am not ok with
    I am not gonna waste my time explaining i don't like him pulling me by my jacket/jumper etc. it does piss me off
    I must build a stronger confidence and self-esteem

    would any of you guys like been pulled by your clothes? No
    Other guys who are becoming my friends didn't do that
    Plus i am easy-going. once i meet a person, it is easy for me to meet other people like in a chain

    for months i couldn't pictures having s and sleeping with a guy just of the trauma I have had for years of some ex guys I dated who stretched my clothes. so i am very delicate on that thing. it brings back memories of that

    it hasn't been fun throwing most of my clothes because they became 1 size bigger. i cried about it. because i asked to myself why they had to do that to me, why they had been so cruel with me? i did took care of them and made them feel protected
    Last edited: Oct 25, 2017
  11. there is nothing to lol about. it broke my heart, it was very painful and it took me a lot of months to pick me up. it wasn't a weird way of flirting with 2 of them we became close and had s tons of times and spend a lot of time for 7 months each. I won't let anyone do that to me ever again
  12. Sight

    Sight Fapstronaut

    Oh...I misunderstood, I thought it was like a light 'tug' sort of pull. Yeah, no, ditch his ass, If someone dragged me by my shirt I would stare through their eyes, into their soul and rot them from the inside out.
    Keep going, there are fun guyfriends(platonic) for you ahead, you got this!
  13. Sorry, I misunderstood your post. My apologies. I’m glad you got out of that situation.
  14. The trauma? What!? o_O because your jumper got pulled? :rolleyes: God only knows how you will cope if something important or serious happens! I am relieved for him that he doesn't have to hang out with you anymore. You are quite unstable! :eek:
  15. thank you :emoji_blush: btw your post made me laugh
    Sight likes this.
  16. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

    You aren't judgemental at all lol
    Deleted Account likes this.
  17. first of all you don't know me. I meant being treated that way. it reminded me when i had slept with guys I dated. when i woke up and i would find out they ruined my clothes or while they were kissing me. try to see if at the end that has no impact on you and you don't have trust issues or felt more and more belittled

    i even told this guy later he pulled me by my jumper that it was my favourite jumper so i think he got it i didn't like that at all
    he did it to then point at a stuff in the museum. he could have avoided. he did all the 3 times he hung out with stupid excuses. I am not gonna put up with a behaviour that I don't like anymore, especially that one. he didn't show me respect. I am done with that shit
    Deleted Account likes this.
  18. Hitto

    Hitto Fapstronaut

    Don't explain yourself to people too much people who question how others feel and want to tell you how you should feel suck especially ones who don't know you
  19. A gentleman (or anyone with basic manners) wouldn't do that especially not on a date. Sounds like dude has some etiquette issues (namely not having any).

    Use this script and feel free to add a hand-slap, wrist yank or punch as you say them. Men do not have a right to touch you or your clothes just b/c you're out together.

    "Pleas stop pulling/stretching/grabbing my clothes. It's extremely rude and I don't like it."

    "I don't think you understand how much pulling/stretching my clothes annoys me. Stop or this date is over."

    "You're an asshole and I'm leaving."
  20. i just deleted his number and deleted him from my facebook. he sent me 3 texts. i haven't even seen them and i deleted them right after. i feel much better now in the sense that when I decided to stop talking to him, i increased my self-esteem and yesterday i walked in the streets more proud, knowing I showed respect for myself :emoji_relaxed:

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