New Group for Bisexual Men

Discussion in 'NoFap Technical Support and Feedback' started by Handy Andy, Nov 5, 2015.

Would you like to see a community group for bi guys on NoFap.com?

  1. Yes

    74.2%
  2. No

    25.8%
  1. Handy Andy

    Handy Andy Fapstronaut

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    Hello NoFap,

    I'd like to set up a support group for bisexual guys - but when I try to create a new group, the options are greyed out and I cannot select one (Communities would be the obvious choice).

    Can anyone help?

    I'd like to think there's a need for such a group - but let the voters speak! I have attached a survey, so if you're bi (or even if you're not), feel free to have your say.

    Thanks,

    Andy
     
  2. IGY

    IGY Guest

    There have been some problems setting up groups on XenForo, so they have been added occasionally by @alexander.

    Is there a danger of fragmenting the many demographics on NoFap®? Why do would bisexuals need their own space?
     
  3. Handy Andy

    Handy Andy Fapstronaut

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    Hi IGY,

    OK, I'll try contacting him.

    I take your point about keeping the demographics together on NoFap. Maybe that's the shape that the forum's founders wish it to take. If so, that's fine.

    My thinking about a group for bi men is that I believe they need a different kind of support than straightforwardly heterosexual or homosexual people. There have been quite a few posts about guys who have started with straight P and have found themselves using gay P. As a bi man, I'm concerned that this is being interpreted in all cases simply as a warping of 'normal' sexual desire. In some cases, maybe using gay P is a symptom of escalating P use - but it may also be a way in which some guys have discovered a bisexual side to themselves that they didn't know was there.

    I don't mean to make it sound like I think P is alright; I've come to the realisation myself that it isn't. However, I want to share my experience with other guys out there who would like to reflect on their bisexuality or hear from others who have explored different sides. I started using P and was at first only interested in the women - but at least from being a young teenager I knew that I also liked guys. However, I was so fearful of exploring that side - neither school, nor local community nor university being great environments to explore, I felt - that P gave me a safe environment. My problem was that it never became anything more...I never went on to develop a relationship with another man, but essentially came to use P as a way of suppressing those desires. That has been a problem, at the root of which I see P and the habits it encouraged in me. There were times when I too have thought: who am I? Am I gay? Am I bi? Am I straight but have I just warped myself somehow by watching P? It's taken a few years, therapy, talking about it, and finally coming out to my parents, for me to accept that I am bi. I can't say it's been easy, or even that I'm fully reconciled to it - even though deep down I know that's who I am.

    I'm sure there are others out there like me. Now I've found this amazing forum, the ways in which it is helping me to achieve something I had at times given up hope of ever doing, and the wonderful people who populate it - I'd just like to give something back.

    Andy
     
    Last edited: Nov 6, 2015
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  4. Handy Andy

    Handy Andy Fapstronaut

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    I should say: anyone who wants to join in the debate, yay or nay, please add your comments.
     
  5. Alexander

    Alexander Website Admin
    Staff Member

    A good point, but I worry that providing a group for "Muslim Fapstronauts" and not for another like "Christian Fapstronauts" won't sit well with the community.

    Yes, we can set up a group for bisexual men. No, I am not in the stage yet to fully roll out groups to everybody yet. There's a lot of work to do - bugs to sort out, etc. Also thinking about restricting creation to Premium members, since it takes time to set them up and we're financially in the hole. Mostly the time / energy in ensuring their high-quality.

    Also not sure what I think about creating a group run by somebody with only 7 posts here. Don't take offense to this, I just want to make sure that it would be upkept properly and taken care of in the long term.
     
  6. zen_road_to_awe

    zen_road_to_awe Fapstronaut

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    My initial reaction to this is to say yay for bi visibility and support! However, I am not sure it would really be necessary in the context of this site, I am still so new to this that it is hard to tell.
     
  7. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    I can see value in having different groups. I don't belong to any, but I might. If I did, I hope I wouldn't segregate myself, but take part in both the group discussion, and in discussions on the larger thread. But that's me; I post here more than others.
     
  8. Handy Andy

    Handy Andy Fapstronaut

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    All good points; thanks for getting back to me on this everyone. I don't necessarily want to propose myself as the lead on a forum for bi guys. I totally take your point @alexander; I'm very new to the forum and am still figuring out how it works.

    Perhaps let's use this thread as a place for bi forum members to register their interest. There's no particular rush to this; I'm finding the site generally to be totally supportive. So let's leave it a bit and allow for time to people to come forth, suggest bi issues they'd like to address or discuss with other members, propose ways in which bi members might best be supported, etc. Of course, what brings us together is a shared desire to change one specific thing in our lives: the big P. I don't want a forum for bi guys to ignore that elephant in the room and just focus on bi issues generally. Helping each other to quit the habit/addiction/compulsion is the primary goal. It might just be interesting to see what patterns P-use has taken among bi guys (says the researcher...), and what strategies have helped the most.
     
  9. DisciplineYourMind

    DisciplineYourMind Fapstronaut

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    I'm not one to get angry over things like this, but it's a good point. I just went and checked the groups section and noticed that there is in fact a Muslim group, but not one for any other religion. The April 2012 survey results show that Christians make up 22% of NoFap participants, whereas Muslims make up 3%. I'm not against any group of people having somewhere that they can discuss particular things more openly per se, but it needs to be done fairly and justifiably.

    Personally, I wouldn't mind a single "Religious NoFappers" group where people of any religion can go, only since the general NoFap rules prohibit religious discussion aside from personal stories. But I can see this leading to issues, though I'd hope most people would be mature enough to handle it.

    Then there's the issue of different sexualities having their own groups. I'm not terribly fussed, but do veer away from it slightly. The reason for this is not prejudice, but just that NoFap itself isn't really dependent on your orientation. It's about a dopamine addiction. It doesn't matter what kind of porn you're into, or what kind of relationship you're looking for. I feel that splitting the community up in this way would not be beneficial on the whole.

    The reason I differ on this compared to a religious group, is because religious discussion is specifically prohibited. Many people are here because of their religion persuasions, so I feel that a group for them is warranted. I highly doubt that anybody is here purely because they are bisexual, or homosexual, or heterosexual, or whatever else.

    We are here to fight porn. We are here to fight fapping. Let's not get sidetracked.
     
  10. DisciplineYourMind

    DisciplineYourMind Fapstronaut

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    Actually, the more I think about it, the more I'm against groups in general. I'd much rather a forum section where religious discussion is allowed, because at least then it would be searchable and could bring in more members via search engine results. When we start hiding great discussions in groups, we are removing the benefit that NoFap provides to the anonymous NoFap community.

    Many forums have different rules for different sections, as well as different moderators for different forum sections. I could see that working quite well. Religious people don't need a group to discuss things, and neither do people of any particular sexual orientation.

    If people feel uncomfortable discussing certain issues publicly, then there is always the PM system.
     
  11. DisciplineYourMind

    DisciplineYourMind Fapstronaut

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    Yeah that's fair enough. Still not sure how I feel about groups in general, but if people want them then who am I to say otherwise?
     
  12. Kyoheix

    Kyoheix Fapstronaut

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    What about just a thread in the meantime?
    I think it's important to connect with people with similar problems or sexual identification, just to share experiences and support.
     
    Hieroglyphics likes this.
  13. verve88

    verve88 New Fapstronaut

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    If i'm allowed to share it, theres a new facebook group specifically for LGBT NoFap'ers:
    Its called NoFap Gay/Lesbian Support (look it up!)
    Its totally safe and private, and super strictly moderated...

    Edit: FB does NOT share the closed and secret groups you're a member of on your timeline, so it's completely private...
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2015
  14. Kyoheix

    Kyoheix Fapstronaut

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    It's too compromising. Linking sex and facebook.
     
  15. verve88

    verve88 New Fapstronaut

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    What makes you say that?
    In my case I use a pseudonym on Facebook, but perhaps people using their real name might be apprehensive.. Is that what you mean?
     
  16. Kyoheix

    Kyoheix Fapstronaut

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    I do not use my real name there but my "friends" on facebook know who I am and I'm not open about my sexual desires to all of them. Facebook likes leaking all around what you do so once your friends get something like "Kyo joined an LGBT group" it's game over.

    If somebody wants to start a thread for support specific to bisexual people, I'm in.
    We are the most problematic "gender" since we can't weed out 50% of porn like staright people, we get turned on by 100% of the porn out there, hahaha.
     
  17. verve88

    verve88 New Fapstronaut

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    This is not true: closed and secret groups that you are a part of are NOT displayed on your profile..
    I know this for a fact, and I've tested it via friends who've confirmed they cannot access any information about the groups I'm a member of.

    It remains one of the few facets of FB that is completely private, considering groups cannot be monetized FB has no interest in making that information public
     
  18. Handy Andy

    Handy Andy Fapstronaut

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    Sorry verve88, I share Kyoheix's reservations about joining a NoFap Facebook group (which, incidentally, I note is designated as Gay/Lesbian, without any mention of bi people - though I'm sure they're welcome). Some of us have friends - and even professional - contacts on there. Whatever Facebook might say about its privacy settings, I'm not convinced I can totally control who sees what. I may be wrong, but I'm not willing to take the risk.
     
  19. Kyoheix

    Kyoheix Fapstronaut

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    I'll add, no matter what security settings are in place in facebook, they change all the time. I was badly burned once. In a chat I was exchanging pictures with a female friend, in security I set share only with her. Safety policies changed and all those pictures were public in my timeline for everyone to see.

    Now, about that thread, should we start one in the "porn addiction" subforum?
     
  20. I have to say that I am totally against this. I'm bi and have been pretty open about it on the forum.

    My reason for being against this is simple and part of my larger feelings about equality. I believe that the more the LGBT community insist that they have unique and special relationships the more they segregate themselves from society. It is utterly insane to ask for complete equality in society and also for special treatment at the same time. This does not make sense at all. Our relationships are not special, that is the whole reason why we should have equal rights - we love, we lust, we caress, we hurt, we fuck, we are the same as everyone else on this rock.

    If you are truly proud about who you are and your sexuality then you should be proud and open in life. You should absolutely be proud and open on an anonymous sexual health forum. Why hide our sexuality in a special sub forum? I'm not a fucking leper. I'm a person and right now I'm a porn addict just like you are.
     
    wildwood, zero01 and (deleted member) like this.

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