Hey Everyone!
I decided to join this forum after looking for support groups on meetup and found none. So, I'm going to give my basic overview and my current goal is to read through more Newbies posts and give comments, support, and encouragement. I'd appreciate any feedback and support that you all have for me!
I seriously started NoFap this year (2019). My goal was to make it to 90 days. I didn't do that once this year, but I've made it to 50 days. I felt pretty amazing actually. I haven't made it passed the 50 day mark without relapsing, but I don't feel back about that because I have been watching porn and masturbating since before puberty or maybe at just the onset of puberty. I feel like porn, sexual images, and such are pretty engrained in my neural pathways as a source of pleasure; so, my goal is to deactivate those neural pathways and to rebuild new habits.
I am 29, soon to be 30 in April. I am gay which I feel is very important in my story. I know everyone has their own cultural and personal influences that effect them. I feel that being gay and the openness to porn and sex in the community makes it very difficult to travel this NoFAP journey. Recently, I found that I have a lot of friendships that were built from sexual relationships or just friendships/relationships in general where the topic of conversation is always sex or something sexually related. I don't know if we are supposed to tell where we live, but I will say I live in the "Black Gay Capital of the World".
My chosen parameters... I am still choosing, but I really want to go for the whole thing. No Porn, No Masturbation, No Sex. I would eventually like to learn the Sexual exercises from TCM as perscribed in the book "Cultivating Male Sexual Energy" by Mantak Chia; however, it is necessary to get pretty solid in NoFAP before any of that can even begin.
My last relapse was about a few weeks ago and being completely honest, after going this entire year working hard, I have used this relapse as an excuse to watch porn and tell myself ohhhh I can begin again at the beginning of the New Year. I hate it that I do that to myself because it is completely illogical and against my goals. I understand this as my brain really struggling. I am confident that I am going to make my 90 day goal this year because I really am going to commit to being an active member of this community and posting at least something once per day.
A few of my motivations/tools/extras:
1. I use EFT (Emotional Freedom Tapping) to help remove the urge and habit to use porn and masturbation for pleasure. Currently I perform EFT in the morning and evening. My goal is to use it in the moment when I get the urge to FAP. I have never actually been able to do this.
2. I meditate pretty much daily sometimes multiple times. I have been meditating for about 10 years and have recently decided to up my practice until I can get to my goal of going to Shamatha retreat. I currently practice using the awareness of awareness method from Padmasambhava taught by Alan Wallace.
3. My motivation is to eliminate porn and find something better to do with my life. I used to watch porn everyday and FAP multiple times per day. Now, I can go days, even weeks without using. I want to reconnect to myself in a more loving and nurturing way. I want to restructure what I think about sex and relationships in my mind and to recondition myself and expectations to be able to have healthier, more intimate relationships that are not conditioned by porn/modern social expectations that are tinted by pornography and honestly, as a black gay man, I really want to be able to view other guys (heterosexual, homosexual, and otherwise) not as sexual object. I realize that most guys must do this to whoever they are attracted to. I find that this stops me from being able to be open and honest in my relationships/friendships with my brothers (friends). I hate it that my mind does this thing where it categorizes being based upon sexual attraction or there is this...underlying hidden motivation/excitement/curiosity/current that is very unnecessary and moves through my relationships. I want to treat every being with respect, honor, and integrity as well as being able to cultivate a friendship with any guy without me feeling judged because of my sexuality and without me judging another based upon sexual attraction. I want to have true friendships that add to my journey through life.
I decided to join this forum after looking for support groups on meetup and found none. So, I'm going to give my basic overview and my current goal is to read through more Newbies posts and give comments, support, and encouragement. I'd appreciate any feedback and support that you all have for me!
I seriously started NoFap this year (2019). My goal was to make it to 90 days. I didn't do that once this year, but I've made it to 50 days. I felt pretty amazing actually. I haven't made it passed the 50 day mark without relapsing, but I don't feel back about that because I have been watching porn and masturbating since before puberty or maybe at just the onset of puberty. I feel like porn, sexual images, and such are pretty engrained in my neural pathways as a source of pleasure; so, my goal is to deactivate those neural pathways and to rebuild new habits.
I am 29, soon to be 30 in April. I am gay which I feel is very important in my story. I know everyone has their own cultural and personal influences that effect them. I feel that being gay and the openness to porn and sex in the community makes it very difficult to travel this NoFAP journey. Recently, I found that I have a lot of friendships that were built from sexual relationships or just friendships/relationships in general where the topic of conversation is always sex or something sexually related. I don't know if we are supposed to tell where we live, but I will say I live in the "Black Gay Capital of the World".
My chosen parameters... I am still choosing, but I really want to go for the whole thing. No Porn, No Masturbation, No Sex. I would eventually like to learn the Sexual exercises from TCM as perscribed in the book "Cultivating Male Sexual Energy" by Mantak Chia; however, it is necessary to get pretty solid in NoFAP before any of that can even begin.
My last relapse was about a few weeks ago and being completely honest, after going this entire year working hard, I have used this relapse as an excuse to watch porn and tell myself ohhhh I can begin again at the beginning of the New Year. I hate it that I do that to myself because it is completely illogical and against my goals. I understand this as my brain really struggling. I am confident that I am going to make my 90 day goal this year because I really am going to commit to being an active member of this community and posting at least something once per day.
A few of my motivations/tools/extras:
1. I use EFT (Emotional Freedom Tapping) to help remove the urge and habit to use porn and masturbation for pleasure. Currently I perform EFT in the morning and evening. My goal is to use it in the moment when I get the urge to FAP. I have never actually been able to do this.
2. I meditate pretty much daily sometimes multiple times. I have been meditating for about 10 years and have recently decided to up my practice until I can get to my goal of going to Shamatha retreat. I currently practice using the awareness of awareness method from Padmasambhava taught by Alan Wallace.
3. My motivation is to eliminate porn and find something better to do with my life. I used to watch porn everyday and FAP multiple times per day. Now, I can go days, even weeks without using. I want to reconnect to myself in a more loving and nurturing way. I want to restructure what I think about sex and relationships in my mind and to recondition myself and expectations to be able to have healthier, more intimate relationships that are not conditioned by porn/modern social expectations that are tinted by pornography and honestly, as a black gay man, I really want to be able to view other guys (heterosexual, homosexual, and otherwise) not as sexual object. I realize that most guys must do this to whoever they are attracted to. I find that this stops me from being able to be open and honest in my relationships/friendships with my brothers (friends). I hate it that my mind does this thing where it categorizes being based upon sexual attraction or there is this...underlying hidden motivation/excitement/curiosity/current that is very unnecessary and moves through my relationships. I want to treat every being with respect, honor, and integrity as well as being able to cultivate a friendship with any guy without me feeling judged because of my sexuality and without me judging another based upon sexual attraction. I want to have true friendships that add to my journey through life.