whysofucked
Fapstronaut
Hi nofap community...this is the 1st time I have joined a community to help with my addiction. Started when I was around 10 and was always an easy target for porn. 25 yeARS have passed. I guess I have been fighting it since 18 but really intensely for the last 8 years. Managed to have good streaks but always came back. Fetishes developed that have broken me down andue made me feel ashamed, guilty and worthless. Hardly ever shared my problem but was very aware of it.I wished I could have been more open but it has been my secret he'll. Just relapsed after 3.5 week streak but had been edging which was a guaranteed fail. I have filters but get around is too easy. Helps still. I work from home so in difficult situation. Managed to be fairly successful despite the addiction and have come to accept myself but am desperate to finally stop for good. I am in pain now after relapse. Particularly how I binge and due for hours makes this terrible. Guilt is extreme but it calms down after a day or so. That said self value is low and fight mentally regarding morality is hard. I think porn is horrible, fake, and generally immoral despite it being appealing. I have built strong circuits to fetish porn that are so difficult to break. Ithe has skewed my sexuality and I am tired ofrom the fight. I need a better filter and I need a accountability partner. I will keep failing alone. I do not want to seek help from therapist because they have less experience with this issue. I'm looking to find support, understanding and someone who I can relate to oneed this. Right now I feel dead inside. I know own to get back up and try again but I keep on failing. I'm a lovingood father, good guy, caring, empathic person but have hurt myself real bad. Ithe has led to depression, anxiety, relationship problems, social issues and has caused me a lot of pain. I guess I have also learned a lot but the inter net is a grubby place and I knew well to scour it for porn, sometimes without considering how horrible some of it is. I guess u become like a filter as you go through looking 4 what u like. Problem is that you do see nasty stuff and maybe have even fapped to some when in that high state. It is very much like drugs and u can spend hours on that high. I have a lot to offer here and would like to support others and gethe support back. Please help! Sincerely
