New here. Happy to embark on a very overdue journey

Hey guys & gals,

I'm a 24 year old guy from the Dutch Caribbean and decided after a long back-and-forth battle with my long-term PMO addiction that, after months of consideration, my best remedy right now is to actively join this community and get my life truly back on track. By long-term addiction we're talking about at least a 10+ year addiction to high-speed internet pornography...

Like the majority of us I started at a young age (although in my case I think it was a wee bit younger at age 9) after moving to the USA and getting beyond excited after receiving broadband internet for the first time. I remember visiting my first porn site like it was yesterday...Little would I know about the detrimental impact that seemingly innocent case of curiosity would have in my life of my level of self-confidence/esteem, social anxiety, confusion about sexuality (not sure if its HOCD or that I'm just bi or gay), serious intimacy issues, and eventual loss of drive in living life to its fullest (losing interests in hobbies once loved as a child). To be honest I can be thankful that PMO has never really negatively impacted my school and lately work performance...although when it comes to romantic relationships and being intimate I can woefully call myself a failure. I still have not have not been in a true romantic relationship due to my PIED- and HOCD-induced anxieties.

It took me till I was 21 (after the 3rd failed sexual encounter in a row) to realize that something was definitely off. That's when I found about about Gary Wilson's your brain on porn website and the NoFap community. After countless times of resetting the 90-day counter for nearly 3 years, chronically feeling unfit and too anxious to get intimate again due to PIED, and still dealing with the resulting depression from those experiences I've said enough is enough! Today I start again at Day 1 and will be living by this line almost religiously: Sacrifice what you are today, for what you will become tomorrow!

 

Thanks Prov2611, really appreciate the support. Just made it to day 6 of Hard Mode now and the withdrawal urges have been killing me to go back. My willpower with porn has always been a weakness but relying on the forums and support is definitely helping me get through it better.

I did have a question to ask. Lately I'm back to being in contact with a friend *with benefits* who seems to be conflicted with whether to stay friends with me or take it to the next level...but I haven't told him the real reason why the last two times we had sex was lackluster. PIED and HOCD-related issues are to blame. My question is: if you were / are dealing with these issues and are dating someone would telling them that you are dealing with health issues and wish to abstain from having sex for 90 days be the best option?

 

Hahaha you're spot on about checking the NoFap forums vs. mindlessly browsing the internet until you find yourself relapsing again !

Congrats to your girlfriend's commitment to accepting your abstaining from PMO! With my current friend with benefits I think it wouldn't go down so easily. To be honest I would think it's easier to commit to this challenge if you're waiting a while until marriage to do anything sexual with your long-term partner (cause you won't be pressured to perform so quickly)...unless your marriage is literally a few days away lol. Still, I will explain it and hope the reaction will be as positive as your girlfriend's reaction *fingers-crossed*!

Although there is one trigger I've been chronically suffering from which I'm sure psychologically signals me back into the PMO-cycle: chronic sinusitis. Something I've had for at least a decade and have tried almost everything to get rid of it (countless antibiotic cures, acupuncture, naturopathic meds, surgery, going on a low-sugar diet, you name it) but alas like cancer it refuses to go. It may sound weird but I'm certain that, because of school bullying and being really self-conscious about it, it causes me social anxiety (especially when trying to get romantic with anyone) and helped to destroy my self-esteem..to the point where I question whether I'll ever get in a long-term relationship. Hence during days when it really acts up I tend to relapse.

For anyone dealing with a chronic health issue which causes you social anxiety/low self-esteem and could trigger you back into the PMO cycle I wanna ask you: how do you cope with it and stay positive while abstaining from PMO?

 

Thanks for the warm welcome D.J., this community is the best!

Since March the 11th I've had two relapses, yesterday being the last one (thus putting me back at square one). I must say that even though this happened on the 16th (day 4 on hard mode) I had sex after a date my with my beforementioned friend with benefit was surprised that it wasn't actually bad this time around. I remained hard throughout most of the experience, only losing my erection during doing oral, thus I do believe I'm progressing little by little. Unfortunately my self-control during times when horniness overcomes me is something I have yet to fully control. Usually I manage 7 - 14 days (always on hard mode) before my mind screams to me that its too much, especially on days where my chronic sinus issue puts my mood to shit or on stressful work days.

As for current strategies I'm doing the following: reading up on the nofap forums, gyming at least 3 days a week, getting back into hobbies once loved but stopped doing (e.g. drawing, guitar, etc.), using a new app I stumbled upon called NF Companion, reading this self-help book called Brain Power (by Laureli Blyth), and following an audiobook series about the Silva Method. The last two strategies I think will help me better practice self-love (something I've struggled with since childhood) through meditation and mindfulness about changing daily thought habits (e.g. negative self-talk). As an introvert I'm trying to be more outgoing by going out more to parties, bars, etc with good friends / coworkers to help combat social anxiety.

Compared to 3 - 4 years ago I've definitely made improvements, but that feeling of wishing of telling my 9-year old self to NEVER EVER have looked at that porn site that time keeps haunting me...

 

Thanks, I'll check this out thoroughly.