New here.... It's been long over due I need some sorta support

I am new here. I have been with my husband for over 25 years and married for over 20. After we married I realized my husband had an issue. Then he hid it will over the years. We had kids and intimacy was hardly ever, sex is "warned of a head of time" or "planned" if have you. He went and paid for woman, talked to women online in the past. While he had me pushed away. After a while things got better, he was able to get a handle on his addiction. Told me things about it. Told me that his addiction took away allot of his ability to intimacy. We got a joint bank account to hold him accountable for this, and also he tends to spend money needlessly at times.

It calmed down for a while, for years actually, unless he has had me snowed, which he could very well do. Then recently, we have had two recent deaths in the family and we are facing another death in the coming months. Over Christmas news came in as we came in to a little money. Then last week while i was at work I had a problem with my bank card at a grocery store and checked our account to make sure it hadn't gone through twice, and saw a large withdrawal from our account. I contacted him and he was angry that I was questioning. He came up with a story and although I took the story in I calmed him down and went about my day. Near the end of my day at work he called me and told me that he had gone and went somewhere he shouldn't have and that's where the money went. He apologized to me, told me it wouldn't happen again. He said that he no it excuse but that he thought. Its not the spending of money that bothers me as much as WHERE he went.

I know he still looks at it. When I come into the room he's on the computer he clicks away from what ever screen he's on and goes to a sports page, a gaming page, or something like that.

With him back sliding and falling into the funk or depression he's stomped on my heart. He maybe the one who went and did what he did, but I feel as though as I am the one that is getting the punishment for it. He knows he has a problem and has tried to get help in the past. He went to SA and even told a Pastor about his problem. He said it didn't help when he went to SA he Said it just fed his addiction, and the Pastor in the end he felt embarrassed that he'd gone to him so he just stayed away from the Pastor. For years I have thought that there's 3 of us in this relationship.... My husband, me and his addiction. I am tired of fight this addiction alone.... Its effecting me, I work from home part time whenever I want. I don't even have the mentality to work from home, as i can not concentrate... I love my husband i really do, I am tired though.

I guess I am just here looking for support. Looking for someone or some group that I can just message and say "hey its been a hard day" someone that can understand where I have been and how I feel. I just feel my heart is being stomped on.