New here, relapsed again...

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by PraiseTheSun, Feb 1, 2020.

Should i cut using my computer for 20 days to get on track?

Poll closed Feb 3, 2020.
  1. Yes.

    1 vote(s)
  2. No.

    0 vote(s)
  3. Might make it worse once you get back.

    0 vote(s)
  4. Face the urge.

    3 vote(s)
  1. PraiseTheSun

    PraiseTheSun Fapstronaut

    Hello All,

    I've known about my porn addiction for a long time, somewhere deep inside me, but i never tried to tackle it, instead i did other stuff like eating healthy, meditating and exercising.

    In December i hit a really low point where I became paranoid and confused about my attractions and orientations (I've been diagnosed with Pure OCD, been on dopamine inhibiting medication for a while, but the urges did not stop, it just made me less productive and introduced long edging sesions, so i quit them) .

    This made me feel shame, disgust, disappointment, pity, anxiety, desperation, sometimes impending feeling of doom, strong headaches, tearless crying etc.

    I somehow managed to turn all that into motivation and started nofap.

    Had a 23 days streak and i felt great, then i slipped up. I decided that sex will help as it should promote normal sexuality. I was amazed how good it felt, until then i did not gave it much credit as I was pretty desensitized while on porn.

    After that i started to get urges, and I slipped up and after 3 days.

    It was night, i came back from a hard day at work, I took a seat in front of my computer and the urge hit me and I searched twerking...Bad idea, it snowballed from there. I ended up searching porn pictures... then from tag to tag I ended up in teen category, some looked young and even if they weren't then, my OCD kicked in and I got a high rush of anxiety that mixed with dopamine... Needless to say i felt horrible after that.

    Then i had a 5 days streak.

    After that i had a 3 days streak.

    And now, i PMO-ed one a night for the last three days.

    It is true that while the first day i edged for a while(1hr and a half) today it was for arround 20 or 30 minutes (time gets blurred).

    I am a little worried because i no longer feel guilt, and I do not know how to get back on track.

    This is the first time I am joining a forum on the internet, not sure what to expect, as i've been used to do things by myself (I feel bad sometimes for pestering my girlfriend with my problems, even if she is understanding and supportive).

    People seem to do better in a community so I am willing to give it a shot.

    I just started the 3 days challenge and I will move on from there.

    This ended up somehow like a rant, but i will post it like this, i do not want to start writing it over and over again and in the end not post it.

    Thank you for your time and for reading. :)
  2. Mirach

    Mirach Fapstronaut

    Hello @PraiseTheSun, welcome to the community.

    The nofap journey, for me, was one of the hardest challenges I have had to endure. It has taught me countless lessons and has required me to redevelop myself countless of times. I'm not sure i've even got it down yet to be honest with you after a few years trying.

    But, this is where we grow and I'm willing to grow. Are you willing to grow? Are you willing to experience the pain of relapsing every other day and yet get back up, dust yourself off, and try again with your best effort. This community will give you some insights and encouragement hear and there but you'll have to have the desire and discipline to make the change you want to see. Its all in the process and once you reach the top of the mountain, it will be a beautiful sight which you would be so so grateful for.

    Good luck brother!
    henryhill and PraiseTheSun like this.
  3. PraiseTheSun

    PraiseTheSun Fapstronaut

    Thank you for the encouragement,

    Im willing to grow and will keep getting myself up, that's for sure.

    It is strange that after a relapse i can't wait for the next urge to come and show it who's boss and then when it finally comes I wish it hadn't.

    Nevertheless, even a small win is a win.

    Good luck to you to!
    Coffee Candy and henryhill like this.
  4. Editor

    Editor Fapstronaut

    Hey @PraiseTheSun! I too had the same question. my answer : making sure I used my devices only in areas where there were several people around. this allows you to use technology for the better, and also allows you to quit pmo.

    Coming to the relapse points, i also had a 9 day streak, then relapsed, then a 3-4 day streak, then relapsed, then on and off and then eventually became everyday. Now, I'm quitting again. Let's go! i found that there are a lot of us on the same page here, so reading others' experiences helps! Good luck!
    PraiseTheSun likes this.
  5. Heyyy welcome to the NoFap forum : ) It's nice to see you here fighting the good fight alongside us!

    First let me go ahead and drop some helpful links for you:

    Getting Started Guide/ Forum Rules / How to Use the NoFap forums/ Glossary/ NoFap Panic button/ Set up your day counter/ Rebooting Resources/ About NoFap/ Support NoFap

    Here is just some advice:

    First and foremost please take a look at each section in the forum, there might be something(s) you may find of big help to you. Feel free to post there :+)

    Then secondly I just advise you to be active on your profile(as there a few active people in the profile section). Please start by choosing an avatar and then make daily status posts to show you're active and needing support/encouragement. They've also got a neat little feature that shows freshly posted statuses for all users to see. People will find your profile and give you encouragement/support.

    Theres a portion of people who love communicating in the profile section..(it should be and is )mostly spportive talk but it doesn't hurt to deviate from supportive talk. It would be great to have you join in and support others in the threads, profiles, and journal. Make sure and be grateful for the help you received and give some help after receiving some. Invest in some people's journeys. We could always use your help and in return you shall receive some as well!

    Thirdly, You should also highly consider creating a public journal/log (in the appropriate sectionfor you) and write about your days in more depth for us members to follow along your journey and offer support to you by way of posting in your journal.

    Last but not least: Good luck on your journey here, make sure to really give it a try with all your heart!
    PraiseTheSun and Mirach like this.
  6. PraiseTheSun

    PraiseTheSun Fapstronaut

    Thank you for the welcome and the explanation, I will try my best to be as active as possible and the links will come handy.

    As i mentioned, this is the first forum that i've joined, on anything, so my activity might be a little clumsy, but in time it will get better.

    Coffee Candy likes this.

Share This Page