New here- Sissy Hypno Problems

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by rafanal, Feb 26, 2017.

  1. rafanal

    rafanal Fapstronaut

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    Hello guys. First of all I would like to congratulate everyone on this site. This is a very nice way to help other people and I feel everyone here is on the same boat. English is not my mother tongue, so I feel sorry for the occasional mistakes I may commit here.

    For obvious reasons, I don't want to say my real name, so you can call me "Rafanal". I'm writing here seeking for help and also to share my journey with someone who might be interested to read. I hope you people can understand me and not judge me. There are some triggering worlds ahead, so be careful.

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    I started seeing porn when I was 8 years old (yes I know I was very young) after some school friends were talking about how humans have babies. I joined the conversation and started to ask questions about this subject, and later on that day, I started to search for this subject on the internet and discovered the world of porn. Since that day I have never stopped. I didn't even know what to do while seeing porn because I was so young, but of course I felt something good while seeing it, and after some time I discovered how to handjob, masturbate, whatever. I'm 23 years old now.

    When I was 11 years old, I started to ask myself what the girls in porn felt while being penetrated in the ass, and because of this I started to penetrate myself in the ass (i'm a boy). First with my finger, and from time to time I tried some other things, searched for penis-shaped objects.

    As the years went by, I kept doing this, seeing porn and penetrating myself with objects while masturbating, always searching for new objects. I have been into "normal" porn until the age of 12, and after that I started to search for something harder, more specifically, hardcore anal and gaping. I don't know why but sometimes, very rarely, I wish I could be the girls in the porn, and not the boys.

    When I was 15, I was talking with a friend and I realized he liked men instead of women. I went to his house and I agreed to let him fuck me. I felt some pain at the beginning but I liked to be fucked, although I always liked girls.

    At the age of 17 I had my first sexual experience with a woman, and I paid her to have sex with me. I think the correct name of this place in english is "whorehouse". I also liked to fuck a woman, although I was drunk. Also when I was 17 I had a girlfriend, I really liked her and we were together for 4 years and 6 months. During this time we had sex only a few times. I don't know why but I think she were assexual (someone who does not like sex, I don't know how to explain, my english skills are not that good). I always wanted to have sex but she did not, so I think I started to watch even more porn because of this. She never knew I liked to fuck myself with objects and it never caused my any kind of problems, not even erection problems or whatever. I used to fuck myself even dating that girl, while I was alone in my house. I started to search for bigger objects, until I bought a big cucumber and that is my favorite object until today. From time to time I go to the mall just to buy it. I don't know why but when I spread some oil in my ass and put a huge cucumber on there, I feel so good, so delicious, I sit on it and start to jump on it as fast as I can, and when I get exhaust I try another position. I feel my ass really need it, as if my ass would ask for it, but everytime I cum I really regret doing that.

    I started to watch videos of big cocks (especially big black cocks) fucking the girls, and oh my god I wish I could be fucked that way, with no mercy. So I decided it was time to find a real big cock to fuck me, so I went to a gay steam room, turkish bath (I don't know how you call it in english) with my gay friend I said here in this post. While there, I couldn't find a big cock like the ones I see in porn, but i got fucked by normal cocks anyway.

    One day while searching for porn, I stumbled on sissy hypno porn, more specifically BBC sissy hypno porn. Oh my god I loved it. I wish I could be the girls in these videos and be fucked by lots of big black cocks. I feel so stuned, so mesmerized when I see those extremely gorgeous girls undressing their hot clothes, their yoga pants, their panties, to get fucked by big black cocks, and I feel even better if I fuck myself hard with a big cucumber while masturbating and seeing that videos. I get hard just by typing this. If I had a button to instantly become a hot girl, I would press it, no doubts, but I would never submit myself to a surgery. I also created an account on a very famous porn site, just to upload some photos of myself dressed with panties and bra (omg I feel so good dressing sexy panties and that stuff, and even better if I fuck myself with a cucumber while dressing. I remember dressing my mother panties twice when I was young and alone) and with a cucumber inside my ass, and to chat with other people about that sissy stuff.

    After some time, I went to a kind of "sex party" only for men (I don't know how to call it in english) thrice, seeking for big cocks, but all of my attempts failed, only found normal cocks, and got fucked by them.

    Porn has never caused my any trouble, until now. I feel I'm addicted to that kind of sissy big black cock porn, I want to be dominated and fucked hard by what they call "alpha male", by real big black cocks. I wanna be gangbanged and used by lots of them. OMFG I NEED THAT SO MUCH!!!!!!

    I'm trying to stop watching porn, I'm already 35 days without it, but the more I stay off from porn, the more I want to watch it, I feel I gonna explode! I also have another girlfriend now, she loves to have sex with me but we can't have sex everyday because she lives with her parents, she studies and blablabla, but we have sex every week. I also entered in a gym, academy, I don't know the correct word, one year ago. I'm getting a good body, becoming stronger (I want to be like the guys of Mr. Olympia ! hahaaha, just kidding) but everyday when I go to gym, there are a lot of very hot girls with yoga pants, omg it freaks me out, I feel masculine at the gym while exercising but when I see these girls with their yoga pants shoved in their asses, I want to be one of them and you know, get fucked hard by BBC.

    I'm sorry for the long post, I just wanted to tell it to someone because I'll never say such a thing for my real friends or family. I don't know if I'm normal. I want to be a normal man, I want to stop fantasizing about being a girl and that stuff. I don't know what to do. I hope someone here can help me. Thanks a lot guys, everyone here is doing a great work!
     
  2. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Thank you for sharing your story and welcome to NoFap where you are amongst friends who are here to encourage you and not judge you.

    Congratulations on 35 days!

    What are your current strategies for combating the enemy called PMO?
     
  3. Jamie_K

    Jamie_K Guest

     
    D . J . likes this.
  4. rafanal

    rafanal Fapstronaut

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    I really appreciatte your answers guys

    Well I try to play some games, go to the gym (although it is hard because there are a lot of hot girls, and I want to be like them and you know....) and hangout with my girlfriend, but the more I stay away from porn, the more I want it, and the urge to shove a big cucumber in my ass also increase. BUt I'm still fighting against it

    Nice to hear i'm not alone here, I'll try to send you a message
     
    D . J . likes this.
  5. PostiveChange1974

    PostiveChange1974 Fapstronaut

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    Hello. Congrats on your reboot!

    (To answer you question, "Are you normal?" Only you can answer that, and we would be wrong to tell you otherwise)

    I will offer this. The nature of anal sexual acts you have found enjoyable aren't a 'bad thing', nor are you unique in wanting them. Many (not all, nor even most, but many) men and women both enjoy those activities. From a self-worth perspective, you don't seem to suffer any guilt or shame from having learned this about yourself. I don't believe you have harmed anyone in what you have described either. From your story, it doesn't sound as if your desires are currently holding you back from the life you want to live. So I believe what you are describing is healthy sexual enjoyment. (However.....)

    I would however say there are also some serious warning signs here. You inferred that you wish you had more control over your fantasies. You also mention what sounds like a desire to find increasing size objects, and a disappointment with real life partners because they didn't match that image. Viewing Porn can contribute to that. It does sound like you may need to work letting the images go, and finding balance with what makes you happy in realistic way in the real world.

    (If in the long run of things, your path does take you to a gang bang, then that is for you to decide. But before you go there, you need to make sure that you are exercising your own choice, and not being manipulated by false images, and also making sure that you aren't being driven simply because you have given up impulse control. It's always important to have sex only when you choose, and to have real expectations when you do so. This may sound foreign or even undesirable given your particular choice about porn genres is about the fantasy of giving up choice and control, but it is important to your emotional and physical health)

    From a health perspective, pushing limits can lead to issues, and possibly the thing you enjoy most being taken away from you. This is because there are limits to what the human body can take in Anal sex. If done improperly and under stress, it can lead to tearing of the internal lining, and increased exposure to infections. This can give rise to all kinds of issues like hemorrhoids and increased thickness of the muscles and lining. Both of which would cause you anything from permanently reduced sensitivity to actual pain anytime you attempted future intercourse. In short, if you truly enjoy it, then you have to respect it, and not push the limits till it's broken.

    I encourage you to keep strong in your reboot, and to let your body continue to heal. I would also encourage you to talk with those here regularly and with your friends which you feel you can discuss this openly. Sometimes, just discussing an fantasy to your friends lets realization creep in.

    Stay strong. You are not alone.
     
    BeatmastaJones likes this.
  6. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Step One: Throw away cucumbers in your home and buy no more of them.
     
  7. rafanal

    rafanal Fapstronaut

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    Holy shit i just saw some sissy images on the internet, but for less than 5 minutes, and I was reading about sissy stories. I'm struggling to not go to the market and buy a big cucumber, that's so hard to deal with omfg


    I really appreciate what you said here. Sometimes I feel i'm lost in a fantasy world, searching for that big cocks. I mean, it is very hard to find one, and I think porn has made me to believe that big cock is something normal, that everyone has but me.

    At the momment I have no cucumbers in my home, but I'm almost going to the market to buy one, omg it is hard. I think tomorrow I'll go to the house of a friend to talk about that, someone to hear me.
     
    Username1021 and D . J . like this.
  8. D . J .

    D . J . Fapstronaut

    Remember, what you feed will live and what you starve will die. If you continue to feed your behaviors with cucumbers they will not diminish.
     
    Username1021 and Jamie_K like this.
  9. PostiveChange1974

    PostiveChange1974 Fapstronaut

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    It's important to stay strong this moment. Say to yourself, not 'no' and instead 'not right now'.

    What you are feeling is the most difficult moments in a reboot. The moment when you are first tested. It's important to stay strong, and delay. Just 10 more seconds, just one more minute, just one more hour, just one more day.

    Doing that, you can learn to cope.

    As intense as the cravings are this moment, they do pass. Not quickly, and not entirely, but it fades. Don't give it power...... Just 10 more seconds...just one more minute, just one more hour....
     
    Jamie_K likes this.
  10. Jamie_K

    Jamie_K Guest

    Baby, be strong --- do NOT give into such urges
     
    D . J . likes this.
  11. ghengis_naan

    ghengis_naan Fapstronaut

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    man , I don't know why but it was such a fun read. You seem like a person who really enjoys it and has no regrets :) amazing!

    I will read your new post now.
     
  12. scott3085

    scott3085 Fapstronaut

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    ive been watching those videos of no hands free orgasm and they don't work for me
     

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