New here. Struggling and need help/advice

Hello everyone,
First day on this site. Didnt even know these types of sites existed. Very happy to know theres a community, because im struggling with an issue. I'll get right to it.

Lately I've been struggling with some serious sexual performance anxiety. Its been super difficult, starting a new relationship, and not bieng able to "perform" when the moment is right. Not being able to have sex, when ive been a sexual beast my whole youth, is just debilitating. I get this wave of anxiety when things start to heat up, I get stressed, and bam, no erection. Its the most frustrating thing. One of the most frustrating things. I dont feel much of a man when it happens. I feel broken. Like something is wrong with me. And i feel in time, if i dont figure out whats going on or fix this issue, its going to cost me my current relationship.

It wasnt always like this. Ive had previous relationships, some very long (5+ yrs), and enjoyed a wonderful sex life with a few women in my day. But for some reason, with this beautiful attractive woman that i love, i get nervous and crack at the moment of truth. My previous relationship before this one, i was not in this boat at all. It was some of the best sex i have ever had, and used to have it almost everytime i saw my ex. The sex was amazing, out of this world, and i could perform no problem to the point i didnt even worry about it. But maybe we were just more sexually compatible? I dont know. That was an amazing experience with her, that relationship, while it lasted. But its over now.

I know i dont have erectile dysfunction. I know this because I wake up with erections thankfully, i can masturbate on command with erections (porn) when alone, but for some reason, when im about to get intimate with a real woman, i cant get that much needed erection, and it kills me. The stress kills me. Kills my ego, my self esteem. Makes me feel, almost broken. And its happened a couple of times already, so many, that my gf says it makes her feel terribly unwanted and unattractive, and she doesnt want to have sex anymore. Those words hurt. I feel like this issue is going to cost me, if i dont figure out what is wrong.

I think the problem might be stemming from my masturbation habits. Since i was a child, i have masturbated. A chronic masturbatur. When im not in a relationship, i masturbate and porn indulge daily. When i was a teen i was addicted to porn, and thankfully i broke that habit through the years. But masturbation was always a weekly thing, sometimes daily after that. I believe that from the last relationship to this one, no other sexual encounters have been had, i have maybe become too dependent on self pleasure, masturbating to porn, watching porn, having practically a porn tumblr, and have maybe become desensitized. Between these relationships, its just been my smartphone and me, and i feel its hurt me. I fear that maybe i have learned to enjoy porn more too much, and i have read that there is such a thing as porn induced erectile dysfunction (PIED). I fear thats what i have. I fear i have PIED. Porn has potentially conditioned me to getting erections in a "stress free environment", where no one judges, where only pleasure exists, and now when its real life situation, i choke on the anxiety and stress. I dont understand this anxiety i get. I feel my heart pounding when i hold her. As we head to bed, i feel my heartbeat to my head. Its deep nerves, deep stress, deep anxiety and i dont know why. Why with her? Do I care too much what she thinks?

Side note: this past year was one of the most stressful years of my life. With work, and a close one passing away, i think i even fell into a deep depression with someones passing, between partners (the one i have now). Ive read that stress greatly affects your libido, reconditions your sympthatic nervous system (fight or flight response), etc of a bunch of negative side effects. I fear maybe daily life stress has affected my sex life.

Im afraid. I am. I trully am. For my future, my relationships, my sex life. I wish i could just wake up as a youthful me, erections on command almost lol. But im not. Im approaching my 30s soon, and im having sexual performance anxiety, with a woman i love. With a woman who doesnt seem to be very understanding unfortunately. She feels its her fault and doesn't even want to talk about it. And it sucks. It sucks so bad. When youre in the moment only thinking about getting an erection, wondering why its not coming, start feeling the stress in your chest, start seeing and feeling the dissappontment, its just the most frustrating thing in the world. Its absolutely impossible to get an erection when youre stressing about getting an erection. I dont want my gf to feel this way. Its not her. Its not her fault. Shes beautiful, and i dont know how to talk about this with her. I dont know how to handle this without feeling like a total failure.

Im here because i need a community to talk to about this. I need friends i can relate with. Its my understanding that not fapping, might help me "reboot" my sex life. It might help "re-sensitize" my brain and member. That maybe my lifelong journey with porn has finally caught up to me, with serious consequences, and i need to stop for good. Ive actually stopped for 3 weeks. No porn. No masturbation. And I feel its helped but, damn, i dont know how to reverse the damage that has been done to my relationship thus far. I would like to be a part of a community that can help, give me advice on how to proceed. Bring to light success stories, and maybe shed light on how to overcome this. I know sex and masturbation has taught me incorrectly what sex is, and how to go about it. I know this. I always have. I need a community that can help me learn maybe, how to beat this. Maybe someone out there is dealing or has dealt with this before? Maybe someone can help me and give me sound advice. :/ Im willing to open up more if necessary.

Anyways. Thank you for reading. I really do appreciate you. Look forward to any replies.