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New here, trying to quit porn in earnest

Discussion in 'Rebooting in a Relationship' started by lupal, May 15, 2018.

  1. May 15, 2018 #1
    lupal

    lupal Fapstronaut

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    Hi Everyone,

    I'm new here, but not new to nofap. I've had a few successful runs (3-5 months) in the past, but really struggle when it comes to the long term. I think part of this is not engaging with a community of people who are suffering in the same way.

    I'm hoping to improve my relationship with my wife, particularly our sex life. We've had a very difficult couple of years (due to factors outside our relationship) and over the last year our sex life diminished to next to nothing. Over the last couple of months we have really reconnected and I am making an effort to quit porn again, as this has intermittently led to PIED in the past. We are both commited to making our sex life healthier again, and I feel lucky that I can talk to my wife openly about things.

    I'm 20 days in, and my brain is starting to look for ways to get its fix again. Today I started to think that perhaps I settled too early and I need to sleep with more women to be happy, or that maybe I don't really love my wife. I know I don't believe these things, but the brain can be pretty brutal when it's looking for a dopamine fix! I came pretty close to relapsing, but managed to avoid it. I've had these feelings before and got through them, but I feel that writing about them is a real help.

    If any of you have had similar feelings and got through them, I'd love to hear about it.

    Thanks!
     
    lupal, May 15, 2018
    lupal, May 15, 2018
    #1
    Soberhopeful, hope4healing and moonesque like this.
  2. May 15, 2018 #2
    moonesque

    moonesque Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    Hi Mr. Lupal

    I would like to put out there for you and everyone else, these are feelings people have had and some will continue to have. But I will say this, they can go away, to a point where they don’t even come up. It can be different and the difference is staggering, we are responsible for ourselves if allowed.
     
    moonesque, May 15, 2018
    moonesque, May 15, 2018
    #2
  3. May 19, 2018 #3
    lupal

    lupal Fapstronaut

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    That's great to hear. Most days I don't feel like that, but it's unpleasant when I do.

    Thanks!
     
    lupal, May 19, 2018
    lupal, May 19, 2018
    #3
  4. May 19, 2018 #4
    Manu78

    Manu78 Fapstronaut

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    I guess it‘s impossible for any woman to compete with the online porn wonderland with 100s of great looking women per hour you‘ll finding there as long you can‘t focus again on what sex is really about: intimacy, being close, being loved… i lost that during the years completely, for me sex became just about the pictures on the screen and in my head, i lost the ability to focus on my partner and the enjoyment in real sex. Trying to reboot now once again, i hope we will find the strengh here to manage… good luck to you
     
    Manu78, May 19, 2018
    Manu78, May 19, 2018
    #4
  5. May 19, 2018 #5
    zombie.boy

    zombie.boy Fapstronaut

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    i completely hear ya bro. i am almost exactly where you are with my days in, and my head is in the same place. Your head is trying to justify the need to look at porn so you are battle yourself. sometimes i feel like i'm have a fun blown conversation with myself in my head, "maybe i should have had more fun and more partners when i was younger" things like that. Addictions are self absorbed and these arguments in your head are selfish.

    i'm married and i'm doing this for a long term fix to strengthen my relationship too.

    from my previous experience these thoughts get less and less the further in you get.

    good luck
     
    zombie.boy, May 19, 2018
    zombie.boy, May 19, 2018
    #5
  6. May 19, 2018 #6
    Soberhopeful

    Soberhopeful Fapstronaut

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    I feel for you. I think acknowledging what PMO does is half the battle. I also give you props for recognizing that you need the community to help you stay sober. This site is one of my tools in my spiritual toolkit.
     
    Soberhopeful, May 19, 2018
    Soberhopeful, May 19, 2018
    #6
  7. May 22, 2018 #7
    lupal

    lupal Fapstronaut

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    This is really useful! I went to the gym yesterday and felt really horny today, and I was stuck in my head thinking about my desire to be with other women again. I was able to calm things down using some diffusion techniques I learned from a mindfulness book, but still ended up jerking off when I got home... Thankfully I didn't watch any porn, but I did feel like I'd wasted my time (and sexual energy) afterwards. It's been a while since I had great sex with my wife and I'd forgotten how amazing it feels when you're really intimate. I know I wouldn't feel any of that with some random girl.

    It's good to have something to focus on!
     
    lupal, May 22, 2018
    lupal, May 22, 2018
    #7

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