New journal

Day 506 - a rather stressful end to the day at work yesterday, a few issues amongst some of the new team, meaning we will have to do a team bonding exercise later in the week - I don’t mind them but would rather everyone just got on with the job in hand and worked together professionally. Still, managed to get a good planning session in and prepare for the next week. Kept myself busy in the kitchen this evening.

Things I am grateful for:
My gorgeous wife
Food in the house
Baking

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Ways forward
Calmness
 
Day 507 - a less stressful day, with some fairly productive meetings. Team building exercise went well, I think, but time will tell with these. Not entirely sure what we are doing over the weekend - the finances we have are extremely limited but I know my wife really would want to do at least something to help ease the stress of the working week. Just want to get to Friday now - not wishing the life away but also wanting to have more of the positives

Things I am grateful for
My beautiful wife
Good meetings
Funny comedy

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Calmness
Plans
 
Day 508 - thank goodness it is Friday. Both my wife and I are physically exhausted after a long and stressful week at our respective workplaces. She was on the verge of tears last night and I felt so awful. I can only do so much to support her but I wish I could do so much more. Obviously I try to do as much as I can around the house, especially when she is feeling so rubbish. I don’t think it has helped that this has felt like the longest month so far waiting for the magic day of pay day, and we have been on a tight budget for what seems like an eternity. My only hope is that in a months time our mini break together gives her a chance to forget her stress and worries. I am determined to make that happen.

Things I am grateful for:
My beautiful wife
Support
Petrol in the car

Things I hope for today:
Calmness
Cuddles
I am a support not a weight
 
Day 509 - the weekend is here and I am already awake. Feeling strong urges for intimacy that I know could become annoying towards my wife if I let them dominate my behaviour towards her. It is not about me - that is selfish. Yet I love her so much - never in my life did I imagine that I would meet a woman like her, let alone she fall for me and agree to marry me. I still think it’s crazy more than 11 years later. My goal is to enjoy what we can over the weekend and ultimately try to give her a little rest from the stresses of the week gone by.

Things I am grateful for:
My amazing wife
Weekend
This community

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Control
Not to be annoying
 
Day 511 - despite limited funds I was able to take my wife out on Saturday and she really appreciated it. Her health is still playing up so I knew not to force anything towards her as she would not appreciate that. I have to remember this mindset of it’s not all about physical intimacy in that regard - the intimacy we share is more than that. Urges that I feel put me in danger of behaving selfishly - I do not want to do this. Now the new working week is upon us - let us see what fresh hell can be unearthed this week.

Things I am grateful for:
My beautiful wife
Lovely weekend
Slow cooker roast chicken

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Clarity
Selflessness
 
Warren of fleabags said:
Day 511 - despite limited funds I was able to take my wife out on Saturday and she really appreciated it. Her health is still playing up so I knew not to force anything towards her as she would not appreciate that. I have to remember this mindset of it’s not all about physical intimacy in that regard - the intimacy we share is more than that. Urges that I feel put me in danger of behaving selfishly - I do not want to do this. Now the new working week is upon us - let us see what fresh hell can be unearthed this week.

Things I am grateful for:
My beautiful wife
Lovely weekend
Slow cooker roast chicken

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Clarity
Selflessness
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I find it fascinating and sad to hear peoples stories on how their dynamic works.

I read through the Kama Sutra this past weekend. The thing is I have a lot of core beliefs that were validated. One of the chapters was on comparability. Basically the book was saying couples should pair on many factors. And when it comes to sex this was an important area that could cause overall incompatibility. From sizes of both male and female genitalia (yes woman are different sizes inside and out just as much as men are). Libido, types of sex and intensity of the type of sex we’re all gone over. I have been preaching this without ever reading the book for years. And if you are mismatched love should be enough for some small compromises on BOTH (sorry for all caps) sides. True love and understanding in union would lead to want to take care of your partners needs. Woman can do things to get in the mood. Partner can kiss and do more for play. Physical intimacy is a very very important part of a union. And I hate seeing so many men having to abstain completely from O because they are in a sexless marriage. It breaks my heart.
 
Sad_wife said:
I find it fascinating and sad to hear peoples stories on how their dynamic works.

I read through the Kama Sutra this past weekend. The thing is I have a lot of core beliefs that were validated. One of the chapters was on comparability. Basically the book was saying couples should pair on many factors. And when it comes to sex this was an important area that could cause overall incompatibility. From sizes of both male and female genitalia (yes woman are different sizes inside and out just as much as men are). Libido, types of sex and intensity of the type of sex we’re all gone over. I have been preaching this without ever reading the book for years. And if you are mismatched love should be enough for some small compromises on BOTH (sorry for all caps) sides. True love and understanding in union would lead to want to take care of your partners needs. Woman can do things to get in the mood. Partner can kiss and do more for play. Physical intimacy is a very very important part of a union. And I hate seeing so many men having to abstain completely from O because they are in a sexless marriage. It breaks my heart.
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Thank you for your comments.

My wife suffers from ME or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. This means that her energy levels are not fantastic at the best of times. She works in a very stressful work environment where she is called upon to do hers and at times other peoples jobs. So she often needs the energy she has to complete those tasks. I am incredibly proud of her for the work she does.
 
Warren of fleabags said:
Thank you for your comments.

My wife suffers from ME or Chronic Fatigue Syndrome. This means that her energy levels are not fantastic at the best of times. She works in a very stressful work environment where she is called upon to do hers and at times other peoples jobs. So she often needs the energy she has to complete those tasks. I am incredibly proud of her for the work she does.
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you are honorable for your compromise and compassion. That is love and understanding. You are a good man.
 
Day 513 - it seems like it has been the longest month imaginable but thank goodness it’s pay day. Earlier in the week had a mild panic as we noticed that our car was leaking oil. Thankfully the breakdown guy managed to see that it wasn’t anything major serious and my mechanic can look at it tomorrow.

Life seems to have a habit of doing this though, kicking you when you maybe aren’t down as such but fairly near to the ground. For the next few months, my spending will be very determined on a couple of key things - my car service this month, my mini-break with my wife next month, my tenth anniversary the most after that and Christmas. We have decided to have Christmas at home by ourselves this year as my stepson is with us for the holidays. Haven’t told our families yet. Not sure how my mother will take it.

Things I am grateful for:
My gorgeous wife
Payday
Wednesday

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Doing a presentation at work - hope it goes well
Better sports results than I had last night
 
Day 514 - presentation went well I think and have some nice ideas to move forward with. D-day for the car today. Hoping that it’s not going to be earth-shatteringly expensive. I could use a lucky break or two right now. On the right track to nearly the end of the week at least. That makes me happy.

Things I am grateful for:
My amazing wife
Successful presentation
Food in the house

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Better news
Plans made
 
Day 515 - the car is sorted and though it has cost me quite a bit, it’s certainly not as much as it could have been. In the long run these are good things - the car is sorted for another year, it will be good for the drive my wife and I take to our mini break in a few weeks time. All good. Things will be tight again this month financially but I just have to ride that one out.

My wife is not feeling great again, so my hope is I can finish as early as possible at work today and come home to look after her for the weekend. Thank goodness for the weekend.

Things I am grateful for:
My beautiful wife
Car sorted
Plans made

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Work done
Good sleep
 
Day 516 - so I didn’t quite realise just how much the work on the car was going to affect me financially. I am now in a bit of a mess potentially. I don’t feel like I am panicking half as much as I used to with regards to this, although maybe I’m just in denial? It could also be that I am hoping that a potential solution is around (ask my parents for a small loan on top of the one that I currently am paying off of for buying the car in the first place plus our new bathroom last year). If not, well, honestly, I’m not sure.

My wife was very sad last night and said she felt useless, especially towards me. It nearly broke my heart to hear her say that. After everything I’ve done to her, all the sh*t I’ve put her through, for her to feel like that. I reassured her that I don’t feel like that at all, she can’t help being ill and exhausted all the time. I will be here for her as long as she wants me to be here, because that is what makes me happy. I think she felt better after our conversation. Hopefully we can do something this weekend.

Things I am grateful for:
My beautiful wife
Calmness
Weekend

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Solutions
Calmness
 
Day 518 - on the whole not a bad weekend at all. My parents were great and have helped us out with the car payment so that’s a great relief off of my shoulders. We were able to have a nice walk yesterday in a pretty country park before I had to pick up my stepson from his fathers. Hopefully my wife has had a nice weekend and she has felt a little more herself. We still have four weeks until we go away for our mini break and so I hope that we can push through them until then.

Things I am grateful for:
My beautiful wife
Help when needed
Nice weekend

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Better sleep
No nasty car surprises like last Monday
 
Day 519 - the difference when you have just a little financial stability compared to when you aren’t sure where to turn to is almost staggering. Thanks to that small loan, when my bills have been paid today I feel calm and relaxed. This is a distinct improvement on how I used to feel before I started my NoFap journey. A definite benefit to the cause.

Things I am grateful for:
My gorgeous wife
Bills paid
Better sleep

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Chance to reflect
Jobs done
 
Day 522 - been off the site for a couple of days as have struggled to get onto the site due to technical issues. On the whole it’s been a good rest of the week, very glad to see that it’s Friday. Weekend revolves around family - my stepson is volunteering somewhere tomorrow and then we visit the in laws in their new place. My wife’s condition still sadly has not improved and she is trying to get a doctors appointment which is like gold dust right now. I feel useless and try to do my best, but then forget when she asks me to buy her one drink at the shops. Well done, me…

Things I am grateful for:
My gorgeous wife
Friday
Good sleep

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Jobs done
Write things down
 
Warren of fleabags said:
Day 522 - been off the site for a couple of days as have struggled to get onto the site due to technical issues. On the whole it’s been a good rest of the week, very glad to see that it’s Friday. Weekend revolves around family - my stepson is volunteering somewhere tomorrow and then we visit the in laws in their new place. My wife’s condition still sadly has not improved and she is trying to get a doctors appointment which is like gold dust right now. I feel useless and try to do my best, but then forget when she asks me to buy her one drink at the shops. Well done, me…

Things I am grateful for:
My gorgeous wife
Friday
Good sleep

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Jobs done
Write things down
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Life has us juggling a lot of balls at the same time one is bound to fall from time to time mate. You’ve put an extraordinary effort into improving yourself and your marriage and I’m certain your wife notices and appreciates it. Get her two drinks today and don’t hit yourself too hard my guy. The amount you care for your wife is truly beautiful you’re building a solid relationship for your kids to imitate as they grow up.

Hell I’m trying to imitate it to a degree as well if we’re being honest
 
The Shift said:
Life has us juggling a lot of balls at the same time one is bound to fall from time to time mate. You’ve put an extraordinary effort into improving yourself and your marriage and I’m certain your wife notices and appreciates it. Get her two drinks today and don’t hit yourself too hard my guy. The amount you care for your wife is truly beautiful you’re building a solid relationship for your kids to imitate as they grow up.

Hell I’m trying to imitate it to a degree as well if we’re being honest
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Thank you - I really appreciate those words of support. I continue to hope that you also keep going as well as you are too.
 
Day 528 - because of the server issues the site seems to be having a lot recently, I have not been able to log in as often as I would like. The week is going okay so far - my wife ended up in the doctors yesterday though and they are a little stumped as to what exactly is wrong with her. She has another appointment booked in for a couple of weeks time. I feel like I am giving her space to breathe though. I was really craving intimacy with her the other night but I know that if I’d tried to force it she would have been unhappy with this and it would have been a really jerky thing to do. I just hope that I continue to behave in a way that helps her see how much I respect and love her.

Things I am grateful for:
My gorgeous wife
Middle of the week
Jobs done

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Stress less day
Better sleep
 
Day 541 - so it’s been a while and was worried for a moment that the forum was gone forever. Glad to see it back up and running. Hope everyone is okay and has managed as well as they can during this time.

It’s been a bit of a rollercoaster for me. Firstly, on the positives, no PM. My wife has been trying to get to the bottom of her health issues, so we have another appointment later this week. Had some very sad and shocking news about a member of my family passing away well before you would have expected it (only 61). And work continues to be as stressful as always, but the mini break with my wonderful wife is in sight and I can’t wait.

Things I am grateful for:
My gorgeous wife
Four days to go until break
Coffee

Things I hope for today:
Meetings go well
Positive news
Chance to reflect
 
Day 542 - had a ton of meeting yesterday and will have more tomorrow but so far they have gone promisingly. Or at least, they have been positive. Hoping that the doctor’s appointment today will give us a little more clarity on my wife’s condition but we have been mucked around by them before, meaning my wife has very little confidence in them.

Things I am grateful for:
My beautiful wife
Positive meetings
Better sleep

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Clarity
Confident feedback
 
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