New journal

Day 543 - so we have made some small steps of progress with my wife’s health issues. For once, a doctor who seems to be actually listening to her for a change. Of course, I have offered her all the support I can give her. I just hope that something positive comes out of this.

There also may be a more positive outlook to our financial situation as well - again, thanks to my wife doing some pretty thorough work to find a suitable solution. Just knowing that this could be better would be a massive weight off of both our shoulders.

Two more days to go until break - a load of meetings today to get through first though.

Things I am grateful for:
My amazing, gorgeous wife
Sensible doctors
Two days left

Things I hope for today;
Cuddles
Plans made
Successful meetings
 
Day 544 - at last the break is in sight. Today will be the last day in the office for a week. It may not be quite long enough a pause but at least it is there. Just one more meeting to get through and then forget all about it for seven whole days. Focus on the positives and look forward to the mini break with my wife. She totally deserves a restful couple of days and I want to make sure that they are just that for her. I just hope that the financial side of it is sorted sooner rather than later. It has been a very on the edge couple of months for us. I don’t want any anxiety to come in between us. I want to use it as an opportunity to reconnect a little with her - it’s our first break away just the two of us all year.

Things I am grateful for:
My beautiful wife
Successful meetings
Last day

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Jobs done
Calmness
 
Day 547 - on the whole it was a good start to the week off. Today my wife and I go on our little mini break and now that we have had some good fortune on the financial side of things I breathe a hell of a lot easier. This means I can relax more and not be so damn anxious about spending too much and therefore ruining the positive vibes of our trip. My wife and I haven’t had a trip just the two of us for over a year so this is long overdue. To say I’m looking forward to it is an understatement.

Things I am grateful for:
My beautiful wife
Good fortune
Anticipation

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Safe journeys
Happy memories
 
Day 560 - been a lovely few days with my wife and we had a great time exploring a new city. Travel was good for both getting there and coming back, and I managed to treat her to places that she had wanted to go to for a while. All in all, it was a lovely time. The hotel was a bit meh but apart from that, all good. I almost spoiled it all towards the end though - my own selfish thoughtless behaviour not helping me recognise what she was saying to me and how she was feeling. I must be better and I will be better.

Things I am grateful for:
My wonderful wife
Great mini break
Safe journeys

Things I hope for today:
Nice family day out
Listening
Cuddles
 
Day 551 - realised I made a mistake on my counting of days in my last post. Good to know my maths skills are so on point. Still, over 550 days free of PM. Much still to work towards. My wife has a blood test today and I really hope that it is the start of us actually getting something done about her health problems. We have been here before though. I do believe that there are many things that the system don’t take into account with her because she is a woman. If all the stuff that she was suffering from were in my history, I would be seen without question. That’s my own opinion, but the evidence I have seen does back it up.

Urges for intimacy flared up but I know that she is not in the right space at all for that. I say I know it - my almost wilful ignorance of it is what almost ruined our trip away. We had a good day out yesterday though and my daughter enjoyed trick or treating. Just a couple of more days and then back to the office.

Things I am grateful for:
My beautiful wife
Bills paid
Safe evenings

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Answers
Control
 
Day 552 - to cut a long story short, we are nowhere near any answers right now. The queue for a blood test would have taken over three hours. The hospital was dingy and dirty and quite rightly my wife was not prepared to wait there. There must have been about a hundred people all waiting in one small room. So we left. I have booked a test for her in our local doctors but it won’t be until the end of the month. Seriously, there are some major issues at play here. All the while she feels like nobody is listening and nobody cares and this is a prime example of the system currently being broken.

Things I am grateful for:
My gorgeous wife
Food in the house
Weekend

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Positive Vibes
Chance to relax
 
Day 554 - a nice weekend to end our break, though sad it is over already. I guess when you feel it up with so many things it’s going to go quicker than you want. Took the family out for dinner on Saturday evening which was a rare treat for us and then we were out in the city yesterday doing another interactive scavenger hunt. We love them because it takes us to different parts of the city we wouldn’t normally visit. The one we did yesterday involved an art gallery I never knew existed so that was good.

I wish we could just do that. I’m really feeling quite melancholy about going back to work, more so than normal. At least we have Christmas now to look forward to. That’s my positive. Not only that but our actual tenth wedding anniversary as well. Hoping to make it special still.

Things I am grateful for:
My beautiful wife
Holidays
Family time

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Calm first day back in the office
Better sleep (had a bad stomach last night so had an awful nights sleep)
 
Day 555 - after my hilariously bad sleep the night before, I was working on adrenaline throughout yesterday. Not ideal on your first day back in the office. I then had almost zero motivation to do anything at home and was falling asleep on the sofa at like eight o’clock. Had a better sleep last night - so much so my head is hurting because I slept so well. Can’t win.

Things I am grateful for:
My gorgeous wife
Better sleep
Adrenaline

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
More motivation
Calmness
 
Day 556 - It feels like everything has been set up to kind of be thrown at me work wise over the first two days back at the office. That’s normal I know but for some reason it feels like even more stuff than usual. Slept well again last night which I am pleased with.

One thing that makes me sad though and continues my personal crusade. In the post yesterday we received a lingerie catalogue. It was hidden under the post but I could see the name of it. My wife without me even asking took it and threw it away and we haven’t spoken about it at all. Now this is obviously healthy for me but I can’t help thinking how rubbish it makes my wife feel to know she has to do this and WHY she has to do this. Because of her husband. And then does it bring back painful memories? Probably, yes.

Things I am grateful for:
My amazing wife
More great sleep
Calmer day

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Better news
Successful meetings
 
Day 557 - been really tired recently. Falling asleep on the sofa earlier than normal. I’m putting it to getting back into the routine of work and just hope it won’t affect me too much. Ultimately it’s not even the tip of the iceberg that my wife has in terms of her energy levels. Planning for the weekend and hopefully we will be able to do something nice for her.

Things I am grateful for:
My gorgeous wife
Better sleep
Positivity

Things I hope for today:
Cuddles
Plans made
Energy
 
Day 558 - the end of the first working week back in the office and it already feels like it’s been five or six! Still, things have gone okay. I have a half day today as I’m going to support my daughter in a sporting event in the afternoon. Then the weekend will be upon us!

Urges to be with my wife intimately were strong. She is so beautiful. Trying to make sure I don’t put any pressure on her. She needs me to support and love her in so many other ways.

Things I am grateful for:
My beautiful wife
Friday
Jobs done

Things I strive for today:
Cuddles
Supportive behaviour
Calmness
 
Warren of fleabags said:
Day 558 - the end of the first working week back in the office and it already feels like it’s been five or six! Still, things have gone okay. I have a half day today as I’m going to support my daughter in a sporting event in the afternoon. Then the weekend will be upon us!

Urges to be with my wife intimately were strong. She is so beautiful. Trying to make sure I don’t put any pressure on her. She needs me to support and love her in so many other ways.

Things I am grateful for:
My beautiful wife
Friday
Jobs done

Things I strive for today:
Cuddles
Supportive behaviour
Calmness
Click to expand...
Nice. Love it.
 
Day 561 - it was a decent weekend on all accounts. Spent some quality time with my wife and daughter and was able to chill and relax after a long first week back at the office. Felt incredibly close to my wife all weekend and just was a really lovely couple of days. Back to the reality of work today but already have plans for the next few weekends so that’s positive.

Things I am grateful for:
My beautiful wife
Quality time
Time for relaxing

Things I will strive for today:
Jobs done
Important calls
Cuddles
 
Day 562 - a very trying day yesterday, with some real issues within the team I am currently leading. Managed to find a way forward but with major compromises. Hoping for a better, smoother day today. On the plus, booked a slot for Christmas food shopping, so now I can truly allow myself to start to feel festive. It really is my absolute favourite time of the year, and more so than ever.

Things I am grateful for:
My beautiful wife and her amazing support
Plans made
Good sleep

Things I am striving for today:
Calmer seas
Cuddles
Less compromises
 
Day 563 - a much better day at work yesterday, though in general everyone is feeling very stressed and morale is not exactly high. Still, each to their own. Need to make a plan for the weekend so we have something to look forward to.

Things I am grateful for:
My wonderful wife
Better day
Allowed to feel festive

Things I am striving for today:
Cuddles
Plans made
Success first time
 
Day 564 - was absolutely shattered at the end of yesterday - hilariously hadn’t done that much either. Still, not a bad day at work again. My wife is starting to feel the effects of the long hours again so need to keep an eye on her and look after her however I can. Looking forward to the weekend! Got quite a bit to do before then however.

Things I am grateful for:
My utterly wonderful wife
Good sleep
Trust

Things I am striving for today:
Cuddles
Plans made
Jobs done
 
Day 565 - it’s Friday, thank goodness and the end of the working week. Got a lot done yesterday which I felt quite positive about, and I am starting to prep for next week as well.

My wife surprised me with our anniversary present early - a really posh dinner in a very fancy restaurant owned by a rather famous chef. We just have to book a day for it. I was seriously blown over by it. I am just such a lucky guy. Gorgeous and thoughtful - she really is my perfect woman and my best friend. What more reason do you need to stop consuming the fakeness of P?

Things I am grateful for:
My brilliant beautiful wife
Plans made
Progress

Things I am striving for today:
Cuddles
Calmness
Weekend plans finalised
 
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