New Member: Caught in a dilema... Need advice

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by cqprice, Jul 6, 2020.

Should I take a chance and engage in sexual activity this early? (2 weeks of nofap)

  1. Yes

    0 vote(s)
    0.0%
  2. No

    6 vote(s)
    60.0%
  3. Maybe

    4 vote(s)
    40.0%
  1. cqprice

    cqprice New Fapstronaut

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    Hey Guys,

    I'm 10 days in to Nofap and haven't had any pmo... Going well so far.

    To give a little background, I've been pretty desensitized and as embarrassing as it is to admit- in recent years I've struggled with keeping an erection with chicks I've been with sexually. I believe its due to a blend of low self esteem since it has happened multiple times, not confident in my body (overweight), and the fact that I have had to jack off to more extreme material to finish and real life experience is not as exciting as jerking off at home...I have started to see results from my 10 days of nofap, like spurts of confidence, consistent morning wood, and when i catch myself fantasizing I get hard pretty easily.

    My question / concern is that I have started talking to a girl and things are going well, but I'm picking up signals that she wants to start heating things up. Is it a good idea to start talking to someone and trying to ease into engaging in sexual activity this soon, or am I setting myself up for failure and embarrassment like before?
    Im embarrassed to tell her my situation since we are not in a solid relationship.

    I was hoping someone may have been in my shoes before and could share their experience or pass on some tips or advice on how to move forward. If I need to abstain from sexual material both online and in life for an extensive period I'm committed, but its hard to live life without human affection. Is a 90 day reboot best for me? I thought maybe this could help level me out and get more aroused in a natural setting this way but Im scared of what may happen.

    Anything will help, Thanks in advance!
     
    kropo82 likes this.
  2. Arnuld

    Arnuld Fapstronaut

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    I cast maybe but I should have cast a vote for no. If you are serious about recovery then recovery should come first. If this relationship goes anywhere you will eventually have to confide in this person that you have this problem. If you need human connection you should date her and not rush into sex with her. If she’s only interested in a hook up you have to ask yourself if that’s something you want in your life right now.
     
  3. cqprice

    cqprice New Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the reality check @Arnuld . Im probably just going to keep things casual for now and focus on a full pmo reboot.. if i really connect with her I may let her know about my situation and go from there but it probably is best for me to stay away from pmo for a while.

    It's just discouraging because I don't know how long to expect it to take for my pied to go away, and if it even will for sure go away! I've only had sex 4 or 5 times ever, and grew up using porn since 13. I had no idea that it would lead to this much trouble.
     
    MarioVargas likes this.
  4. MarioVargas

    MarioVargas Fapstronaut

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    take some more time, your main project is to get away from the PMO and all that that triggers, when you achieve this ...
    You can give yourself the opportunities with the girls you want, you have more self-confidence, you are a warrior, you value the girls more and you will enjoy absolutely everything differently. is real!
     
    cqprice likes this.
  5. Arnuld

    Arnuld Fapstronaut

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    I believe it will go away if you remove the stimulus of porn from your life. But it’s going to take some time.
     
    cqprice and vercent99 like this.
  6. cqprice

    cqprice New Fapstronaut

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    Update:
    Sooo I guess I must be in the midst of a flat-line because I have no sex drive.. at all. At first I was discouraged and concerned something was wrong with me but Im actually sort of glad because I know that is just a natural step in my brain rebooting. I've cut out TV, video games, and caffeine during the week to add to the intensity of re calibrating of my dopamine levels so that may have something to do with my quick flat line. How long did it take you guys to experience flatline? How long does it usually last before your self esteem starts to come back?
     
  7. jn75

    jn75 Fapstronaut

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    I hit a flatline day 1 I believe.
     
  8. jn75

    jn75 Fapstronaut

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    Pretty much as soon as my brain realized I was serious about stopping porn this time. A switch flipped.
     
    cqprice likes this.
  9. cqprice

    cqprice New Fapstronaut

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    How long did it take for your flatline to go away? Did you have any PIED before starting? And are you fuctioning "Normally" now?
     
  10. jn75

    jn75 Fapstronaut

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    Still in flatline. 3 weeks or so. Anxiety, unwanted thoughts, insomnia, no joy in the things I used to cherish, etc. , you name it. Maybe slowly getting better. I just assume years of abuse and the brain is gonna do crazy crap and take a bit to heal. I have still been able to be with my wife a few times in that timeframe and it was great but I still do not have a sex drive to speak of. Maybe getting a little better. Things could be different for younger guys vs older guys and married vs single but never wrong decision to give up looking at pornography. Things will only get better over time. I admitted to my wife and she supports me and that is a MASSIVE help. Took all I had to admit. But I still have to address things in our relationship and pray and have faith things improve for my wife and I.
     
    cqprice likes this.

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