Hi folks. I'm 41 and have been MO for I don't know how long. While there was the occasional magazine back then my attraction to P started somewhere between 2002 when I got my first "high speed DSL" (not AOL finally) and 2003 when I deployed to Iraq for the first time. I cannot recall all of these details as well as id like. Before 2001 I was pretty much a normal dude. Had girlfriends growing up, fooled around, got some Os but I was a virgin until 18 after I joined the army in 1995. From 95-01 I had countless (yes honestly) partners and random sex encounters. Never had any confidence issues, I was in great shape, very outgoing, and girls loved me. Met my now wife in 2001. We had to spend some time apart pre OIF 1 in 2002-2003 and I had an apartment with a buddy. I was 24, and really loved my gf. I was not cheating on her, saw her semi regularly on 4 days and such, and when she wasn't around I started to explore PMO for the first time regularly and on computers. No issues really from 2003-2017. The army is a brotherhood, and guys that bond are truly brothers. We deployed with computers and literally "collected" GB of porn. To say to a buddy, I gotta go Jack off was just normal operations. Maybe not as common as.." yea dude I jacked off to that P , and other story telling". I deployed 4 times. 03, 05, 08, and 2010. I was bulletproof. But my last deployment fucked me up. About 2 years after getting home I started to see the effects of PTSD, TBI, fatigue, anxiety, depression, etc.etc settling in. It's been a struggle. I had two kids, (2012&2014). My wife got pregnant in 2016 after a 1yr trip to Korea and miscarried. Technically was a molar pregnancy which is uterus cancer pretending to be a baby. She had a hysterectomy and didn't want to touch me. She was depressed, I was miserable, stressed, neglected, and of course battling other issues from combat. To say I used PMO during the last 5 years (each) I was away from home is a HUGE understatement. Many days it was multiple times per day. To say I used PMO alot during the baby years, and especially after the hysterectomy and my wife starting to grow apart is also an understatement. So, to recap, since 2003 heavy PMO with MO before that back to I dunno, 11 or 12 years old? Plenty of regular sexual contact (sans intercourse) as early as 13 also. Now my problems hit hard in late 2017. New job wasn't going well. New life with 2 kids was mediocre. Relationship sucked. Bottom line, in SEP 2017 I almost became one of the 22 Vets that suicide every day. I quit my job, and started working on my family relationship. Also tried to get some workouts in. All is going ok, but I'm experiencing ED for the first time late last year and worsening. I can get erect for PMO, but not for intercourse with my wife. I fear I have done damage via the hardwiring of my brain to P and fantasy vs reality. Also, the hurry up and finish has caused me to not last long and PE after 2-3 minutes max. My wife knows I MO. She's not dumb and prolly knows it's PMO but it's never addressed. I ask for more sex than I get. We fight about it. She knows I take care of my desires otherwise but not cheating, which is true. She recently said to me that maybe I am MO too much, causing ED and/or PE problems. I found NoFap some time last month, did some reading. I'm convinced I need to rid myself of porn. I'd like to say I can quit MO, but I dunno. That's a 30 year habit give or take. I'm definitely not looking to do away with sex and O with my wife. We've been pretty good at trying to get in one night a week, but my damn ED makes it iffy. VA prescribed me some "V" blue pulls, but honestly, not long before problems started a few months back, I took one on a date night, but we didn't have sex. Ended up with a raging boner and had to MO. I genuinely fear I maybe did damage to Penis? Oh yeah, confirmed Testosterone levels low back in 2012? But above the "low" line and Army did not treat me. That's all the time I got...so yeah, as you read...my compass is broken, I'm lost, and I just want to be me again. PMO free since Cinco de Mayo 2018. Independence day .