New old guy.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by simple_simon, Jun 5, 2018.

  1. simple_simon

    simple_simon Fapstronaut

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    You've probably heard it all before: but here's my story in a nutshell.
    50+ years, married, kids, very successful and in a super respected job.
    PMO probably daily but at least every other day
    Nothing deviant just a consistent desire to hunt for very soft stuff. I won't give details as I am sure it's not helpful.

    No other behaviors/addictions. I'm faithful and a good husband.

    My job allows me to be very flexible in my time. For example, I don't have to go into work first thing. I can work from home. Guess what I am often doing at 9am on a monday morning? Just writing that sentence is awful to me.

    I will open up my laptop when the kids are out and my wife runs to the store. Carefully timing my viewing so as to be done before they get back.

    I lead a double life. On the outside: successful, productive father/ husband who likes music, yoga, hiking....

    On the inside: guilt at the huge amount of time I have wasted. My ability to perform with my wife is definitely impacted. But the time - it's hundreds if not thousands of hours of my life wasted - I have to stop.

    I understand the biology - the endorphines, the reinforcing behavior. But now I have to fight it.

    That's why I am here.
     
    Dev47b, Koriyama, Nadamotain and 2 others like this.
  2. Hi. Welcome to forum!

    Make sure you create a personal journal thread in Reboot Logs section and blog there on a regular basis. As well as just generally be active participant in various forum discussions. I recommend this to everybody new here because it's the major thing that helped me when I was first starting. Just lurking on forums, reading and learning is great. But it usually is so much more powerful to engage. It helps to keep us motivated and accountable when we are active part of community. And keeps this in front of our minds so we don't forget about importance of it and slip away in our old habits. Sharing is also therapeutic. This is a major reason why AA meetings work so good. But that was developed before internet era. These days we can get most of the same benefits online through communities like this. So don't underestimate the power of active participation.

    I would also like to suggest you to look into mindfulness meditation. It has helped me personally tremendously to learn how to deal with urges and triggers. It takes a while to get good at it and notice results, so you need to be consistent with it, but once you do it's very powerful. It has been used by sages for thousands of years to deal with various issues of the mind. And in recent decades the science is also catching up to what ancient sages have know for centuries. Meditation these days are widely used as very effective tool by psychologists for treating addiction and by neurologists for supporting recovery of the brain. It is a great exercise for the brain the same way as jogging is great exercise for the body. Check out this Ted talk, it gives a good idea of what's it about when it comes to philosophy. As far as practical side of it there is this awesome smartphone app called Headspace for guided meditations to get you started.

    Wish you lot's of strength and success in your reboot journey!
     
  3. simple_simon

    simple_simon Fapstronaut

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    I've messed with meditation in the past and enjoyed it - I will definitely try to get back into it.
     
    Moon Shot and Deleted Account like this.

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