New realizations, old habit

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by cryptifly, Nov 19, 2015.

  1. cryptifly

    cryptifly Fapstronaut

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    So I relapsed again... Nothing new in this process, but the difference this time was that I didn't do it because I had an urge. I did it because my head was so foggy and heavy that it brought back the familiar feeling of lonliness due to said feeling and the PMO habit stems from this. I've always felt stupid and useless (even though its not true) and PMO was always my way of feeling like I had succeeded sexually and socially like everyone else around me seems to succeed. It's all a fabrication in my mind, I know, and it's good that I'm finally getting in touch with this. The question that seems to keep arising for me is, is there something legitimately wrong with me or did PMO destroy my mental abilities? I remember feeling stupid and useless way before I started my PMO habit. I can't tell which came first and that distresses me a lot.

    I don't know why I'm posting this, I just felt like it. I always enjoy responses. Good luck everyone.
     
  2. wally_s

    wally_s Fapstronaut

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    Hey cryptifly, thanks for posting, glad you're here! Well, it's my view that PMO certainly affects mental abilities—motivational, emotional, as well as cognitive, like memory and thought processes. How long have you managed to go so far? Have you made it 30 days or 60? A lot happens when you make an honest streak of some time. The brain really does heal up and starts working on other things. But that's another part of it. You will want to put the new energy to use. You should practice 'being useful' as you reboot. Find good, productive things to put your thoughts toward. Organize your living space. Clean up some stuff. Read books. Also, it is a good idea to exercise regularly, to expend energy in an organized way.

    Anyway, my two cents there. All the best to you. Keep on, my friend!
     
  3. Ameson2015

    Ameson2015 Fapstronaut

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    Self knowledge is essential to improving oneself. When we find ourselves as adults in a situation where we have low self-esteem and lack confidence, there's always a reason when you look back, usually it relates a lot to how we were treated as kids by our parents, schools, etc. "The psychology of self esteem" by Nathaniel Branden was one of the most profound books I ever read and made a huge difference in my life. Therapy can be really useful in figuring this kind of stuff out as well, but finding a good one can be hard and it's expensive.

    PMO doesn't destroy anything that's a cop-out. We are out habits. And when jerking off to porn everyday is our habit, certain effects result. But that's what rebooting is meant to change. I don't know what your lifestyle is like - but it's such a common theme - guys who eat like crap, don't exercise, sit around at home all day playing video games, don't get out and have social interaction - and are just completely at a loss as to why they feel foggy, unfocused, depressed, etc.

    For me nofap has had some tremendous benefits in a short time. But it's one piece of a larger puzzle.
     
  4. g2stop

    g2stop Fapstronaut

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    I think everyone has the potential to be who they want to be. PMO certainly takes a lot away from us. We need to stop procrastination and get on with building the lives we want.
     
  5. cryptifly

    cryptifly Fapstronaut

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    Thank you for this! I'm going to see if I can find it. I may find some helpful tidbits as well. :):)

    I'm done with therapy. I've spent thousands of dollars over the course of 14 years going through 10+ different therapists and not a single one has ever helped me. Well, that's not completely true. I've learned a lot because of it, but none of them ever bothered to ask if I had an addiction to anything let alone what my masturbation habits were. They never actually got to the bottom of things.

    I guess I may have misused the work "destroy". PMO doesn't actually destroy anything but certainly feels like it! The problem I have with the getting out and having social interactions part of this is that the effects of the PMO lifestyle have greatly hindered my social interaction abilities. Now I'm not sure if this is an excuse for something else but I've tried many times to have social interactions and every time I feel myself closing off to every person around me. This is probably a mixture of some bad things I've learned about myself as a kid AND the effects of PMO but I cannot for the life of me justify socializing right now. I wonder if anybody else feels like this. I get that socializing is good for you but I can't seem to get past the fact (or personal judgment against myself?) that I just don't work as well as others and that they will not have the patience for me. I don't think there's any point in trying.
     
  6. cryptifly

    cryptifly Fapstronaut

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    I get what you're saying and I don't mean to compare my suffering to others. What I should have said was "My mind is not working as well as I know it could." There is something wrong with me and its the same thing that a lot of guys feel when they abuse porn for so long. Then they make the decision to stop the habit that made them feel wrong in the first place and they end up healing themselves. I know in my heart that I can function at a much higher level than I am now. Now comes the effort to get my brain to place that it was intended to be at. I don't believe in perfection and even when I'm healed will I not be perfect, but I'll be able to be the man I know I can be and that will make me happy.
     
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  7. cryptifly

    cryptifly Fapstronaut

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    I totally get why I abused porn. I really hated myself when I was growing up and PMO made me feel like I was "getting some" and was a pretty convincing illusion that I was a man who had tons of beautiful women in his life. The interesting thing is that when I did finally learn how to exist in the world and to love myself better (don't think too hard on this one, I had serious issues talking to people and that always felt to me like I couldn't coexist with anyone else), the symptoms of the porn abuse started affecting me so I couldn't actually use what I had learned effectively to meet the people I wanted to meet. Thankfully, I've accepted what I've done to myself and I'm ready to change.

    I find self-analysis easy. But that's only because I've been practicing it for at least 15 years. I'm not afraid to delve deep into the uncomfortable recesses of my psyche and face the demons I have. I'm still doing it to this day and I love it when I find a behavior that I do that is unhelpful to my happiness and I change it. It's great!

    People are changing whether they believe it or not. Most of the time its in imperceptible ways but the ones who are truly committed to being better people are the ones who make a conscious effort in doing so. I think every person on this forum is one of those committed people. All it takes is suffering to make one realize that they're habits and behaviors aren't working out for them. I love knowing that there are people out there who aren't satisfied with the static, almost numbing way of existing that is so prevalent in most cultures. But maybe I'm being too cynical.
     

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