New Techniques To Overcome Addictions, Find Like-minded Accountable Friend

Discussion in 'Accountability Partners' started by Deleted Account, Apr 19, 2020.

  1. Hi, I'm 23 Year Old, I've been liking sexual stimulation ever before I know of porn (when I was a child). After discovered Porn games, firstly I was disgusted, then I came to like it until now and it had become an addiction.

    Even though I had relationships and sex before, right now is not the time for me to search or having relationship because of sex. I usually do cyber sexual activities every 3 days. Before this, I used to logged in NoFap and attempted to quit for a week, my peak was like a month and more, but then I failed my resolution.

    The problem is that
    , I realized that every time I give up, it was not because I feel my urges really strong, but it was because I thought I can go easy on myself once, and it will not harm anything. The next time I went easy for myself, I went easier. I feel like the resolution that I had was too much depended on my mood. Then, how can we overcome this problem?

    I've tried different approaches. First of all, to relapse every week and be content with it (It's not too much for a normal person). However, each time I practice this approach, I find myself breaking the cycle, or even when I finally practice this approach 3, 4 times as a habit, I felt bored of the cycle, thus, broke it.
    (break)

    Edit (11/05/2020): I realized this is called 'porn-diet' if you google "PMO Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking".

    (continue)
    Then what should I do? I can't go maximum because I can't deny my urges and I can't go habitually (aka porn diet) because me myself is not in constant mood. Should I blame myself because I failed to contain my urges?

    Therefore, I tried a new way, thanks be to God I never give up and because he loves me, I try my best to love myself and not giving up in making new techniques.

    This technique can help fighting the constant urges by having adequate amount of challenge and not boring.

    I'm going to include screenshots of my attempt below. (in the attachment). So you can see that I started by quitting for 2 days, after that 3 days, after that 4 days, after that 5 days, and after that 6 and 7. I felt like my needs gradually decrease and the next time and I can endure longer.

    In conclusion, each time I pass my limit, I am allowed to reward myself with a 'reset'. I know it doesn't sounds right but a reward is something that drives you partially. But when you are nearly at the limit, your mindset is this, you CANNOT break this CYCLE. Rather than looking forward to the day I can reward myself, what I think to myself is, "I enduring this because I should not break my promise to myself, I need to change my habits." -> edit: (this is different from porn diet)

    So you can see that my technique takes longer time to quit addictions, it can be long, but it may probably be a stable and steady progress. There are some people who can just quit 365 days with their big determination, but if you are not one of them, you are like me, you might find this useful. I just really want to share this so it will be useful to somebody.

    By the way, I would like an accountable partner. Kindly pm me if you are interested.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 11, 2020
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  2. Hey guys, yesterday, I deliberately broke my cycle to relapse, my next challenge would be 9 days. When I do the cyber-sexual activities to reward myself, I did not choose to do anything with se*t, or rol*play, or bd*m that they have on there, but just genuinely talking to strangers about my problems and how I want to trained myself to abstain from sexual addictions like above, some said I'm poor and felt sorry for me, but when I explained my techniques to them, they said I'm on a training and basically that yesterday is my cheat day. I'm quite motivated for this. The next thing I do is reward myself with a vanilla * game.
    After relapsing yesterday, I felt like I could abstain for the next 9 days.

    Stay tuned
     
  3. Ysr1

    Ysr1 Fapstronaut

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    I want to try this, my main concern however is when we get to big numbers, like lets say we got to 20 days so we relapsed and aimed for 30, we have to be prepared at this stage with busying-ourselves techniques to finish the 30 days.

    Another point is. At some point, if we do reach 2 month for example, we don't want to deliberately remind ourselves with the experience, at that stage i think it is better to keep it going as much as possible without intentionally relapsing.
     
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  4. You're right on the track, this is also my plan, I believe the urges comes from the chemicals from our body. Because the body has too much urges, the mind isn't able to change its habit. However, if we get up to a point, for example, 20 days, our hormones (or whatever it is) are reduced to a stage that we don't feel like we need to relapse. Then this technique becomes successful.

    Today I do think about those stuffs, but I'm also reminded that I CAN do in 8 days later, so I don't mind enduring (But I don't feel of that much craving).

    Think about this analogy, you love candy as if you are addicted to candy, but at home mom does not buy you a lot. So you keep asking and feel craving, but when your mom buys you a lot of candy and you know you can have it whenever you want, you just don't feel like that much of craving anymore. :D

     
  5. Hey guys, I felt fresh today, there is no strong urges whatsoever, I did think about the game that I'd like to reward myself with after 8 days, but nothing more. I know that cyber addictions is meaningless because you can't get real relationship from there (unless you try really hard), however, the game I like is a bit fun and there is romance between the characters. I feel like if you steer our urges into something more genuine and love/romance, it is better than meaningless temporary fun from physical acts.
    While I can't do anything romantic because I'm single, I have a bunch of friends from church so I keep interacting and talking with them, and it keeps me happy as well :D
    I also keep myself busy with work and uni & spiritual meditation :D

    Anyway, I hope you guys have a good day. :D Thanks for following up
     
  6. Hey guys, I'm back with still determination to keep my promise to myself until next Monday around 4pm. I started to calculate this, it's crazy but temptations and sexual urges is crawling whenever my attention is loosen, especially during this morning when I woke up. However, I recognize that we ought to have these temptations, it is natural, and it happens to everyone, the difference is if you overcome yourself or not.

    I'm a Christian guy, so I meditate the Bible and I love the way of life in the Bible. Now a verse that related to this would be in

    "But the man who has settled the matter in his own mind, who is under no compulsion but has control over his own will, and who has made up his mind not to marry the virgin—this man also does the right thing."

    — 1 Corinth 7: 7


    I would like to keep my journal up to date, so that I can truly grow with you all through this experience, my hope is to control over my body so that I would do the things I believe is most beneficial, in another passage of Paul's letter, it was also said,

    "I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but not everything is constructive"
    — 1 Cor 10:23

    If we were able to control our mood, our addiction stands no chance against our spirit. I'd say take care of your mood, in other words, your heart and mind, notice when it is tempted, when it is feeling down, because it will help not only me but also you to control ourselves for the better future.
     
  7. Today is hard guys, I watched some manga, a bit ecchi but not too provoking.
    I've been working for whole week and today there is some relax time, but it got me into boredom and social thirst that want to go into cyber. I know if I go into cyber it is very dangerous path so I just going log my journal here.
    Need to keep myself calm to protect my 7 days streak, because my technique increase slowly. I really need to persevere.
     
  8. Hello guys, have been fighting it at the edge today, it is so hard, I keep thinking about breaking the cycle early because there is not too far difference, I already reached 7 days like last time. But I'm telling myself I need to have that feeling when I reached 8 days ! This is a tough feeling, it really push my button at the very end..
     
  9. I do feel like there are improvement on my physical appearance though, accompanied by exercise, my hair now gotten a bit fuller, and my shoulders and arms get sores but stronger due to the exercise. It just feel more refreshed because I spent time sleeping and taking care of my health instead of M. There is truly value at the end of the crunches! on Tuesday!
     
  10. Today, reset back to 1, with intentions, feel a bit down but overall I know I'm making progress, it was a big obstacle at the last limit, but I think I can do much better next time, go 9 days!!! maybe, I can even try 10 days!!! Go Go! Feel organized and clean. Great!!!

    P/s: Should limit the amount of exposure well this time!

    [​IMG][​IMG]
     
  11. Arashmottahedi

    Arashmottahedi Fapstronaut

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  12. Hey Guys, I'm back, it's been almost 6 days, so 3 more days until my limit, that'd be on Thursday. Because I'm restraining myself I've been keep counting the days. It's really hard. Whenever I have free time or idle time, the urges come. I try to think about the result of breaking my cycle and how bad it will feel so I avoid any M. But I did read some sensitive manga and games which influence me. I'll keep continue to avoid M or O until the limit pass!
     
  13. Hey guys, today is 8th day.. I'm feeling I'm at my limit TT
     
  14. Hi guys, yesterday I reached my 9th day as my streak and reset. After this I feel a bit numb, I don't feel like sex or female body that cravings. I feel like they are beautiful, but not that necessary to go all the way for. Today is the first day after my reset. I'll watch to see that what hormones have been doing in my body and my mental attitudes toward provoking images. Overall, it has been kept well. By the way, generally I don't feel depressed much because it was going according to my plan. Though I am having a bit of motivation at the end of the day but the morning I was really motivated to get stuffs done and got my study and work organized.

    I really hope that hormones produced from my body decrease, and I hope that I can develop some mature thoughts in feelings & love and guide my body in the right way.

    That's all I genuinely want to express. Stay tuned for the progress of my journal!!!
    1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9 -> next challenge is 10 days streak! I feel like I can definitely do it and I don't even think it will be hard to hold up to 11 days.

    Cheers
     
  15. Ash18

    Ash18 Fapstronaut

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    Hi, I recommend reading the PMO Allen Carr's Easy Way to Stop Smoking (you can find it as a pdf on Google) and specifically reading Chapter 14 - it goes into detail about how 'rewarding' yourself with a relapse every specific number of days, also known as a 'porn diet', is bad for you in the long run. This book has been really helpful to me so far in changing my negative thought processes - I wish you luck in your recovery. :)
     
  16. moonesque

    moonesque Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

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    Hi @Peotyre , you should really consider when your urges start becoming difficult and identifying triggers, that might help you understand that stimulation might be because of some emotions you're feeling. Especially if you started at an early age, that might have been to cope with painful feelings.
     
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  17. Thanks for following up with this thread! Thanks to you I'm alerted! @Ash18 , there is no point in being stubborn in this method if it does not work! However, this is the only way I resorted to because I haven't found a better way. Let me know any better solution if possible. Problem is my willpower is enough to break a short cycle of pmo abstinence, but if it's something higher then it could be hard. For now I won't be counting the days though, as if it will be a reward.

    @moonesque, I recognized sad feelings in my life and have done some visitation to my past memories a while ago, but thanks to your suggestion I'll rummage in there for anything that particularly causing PMO effect.
     
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  18. adidacreator

    adidacreator Fapstronaut

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    Please count me in !
     
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  19. Ash18

    Ash18 Fapstronaut

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    Did you read the chapter I mentioned? I think it might help you.

    Personally, the best way I know is to immerse yourself in other hobbies - remember, the ultimate goal is not just to remove one bad habit from your life, but to replace it with other good habits and build a new life from that. For example, do you play any instruments? Or for me, exercise has been super helpful, as well as meditation, which helps me organise my thoughts better and deal with urges when they come. :)
     
  20. Hi @Ash18 yes I read the chapter, it really pointed out that 'rewarding' and 'porn-diet' is not good. However, there isn't an alternative method as far as in this chapter. Although the result of porn-diet and rewarding that was pointed out sounded sensible and it partially matched my experience, I still never regards PMO as the best thing for life but just a way to ease "the little monster". In the article, it seems like they use example of 'porn-diet' as to watching porn every 4 days or a period or so, however, they never specifically mentioned about progressive PMO restraining (1,2,3,4,5,6 -> etc.)

    I'm so far quite pleased with this technique and the truth is, there is progress on every new iterations. (I'm not counting days for this iteration anymore). This is my 6 or 7th iteration I believe.

    Also, I have my hobbies (reading, coding, etc.), way of life and meditation but before doing this technique, I tried complete restraining (30 days challenge or even up to 45), but like the first posts, just for a moment it went down the drain. For this technique, it is built up every iterations, I don't feel 'miserable' but feel like I'm putting effort to overcome, and it feels great after I overcame. Furthermore we cannot avoid many triggers in real life, for example: seeing pretty female on the street, seeing attractive female images on internet etc. But one thing we can do that is changing our minds and habit, and that's what I'm pursuing.

    The book (your referred) ends with this final warning: But be warned, users finding it easy to stop find it easy to start again,do not fall for this trap.

    Mind that, I don't feel doing my technique easy, because every time I reached a new peak, I feel like I had to overcome a limit.

    I'll keep monitor myself for the next week and so to let we all know my genuine journey and thinking.

    I'll probably complete the online book you referred to as well ! Pretty keen! Above is just my genuine thoughts at moment, but I'm ready to change my opinion if the book makes sense to me.

    P/S: I need to correct from the post that I'm not 'relapse' every cycle but 'reset'. (After understanding the definition from the forum ad mr. Alex)
     
    Last edited by a moderator: May 11, 2020
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