New to forums and married

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by JayDawg1990, May 23, 2019.

  1. JayDawg1990

    JayDawg1990 New Fapstronaut

    Hi everyone, I'm new here. I found this site a while back, but didn't join because I thought I could change on my own. As you guys probably know, I was wrong. Im 28 and have been addicted to porn for around 16 years. Got married at 22 and my wife asked me right after we got married if I ever looked at porn. I couldn't lie to my new wife and told her. Lost her trust and made the first couple years of marriage extra tough. I lasted a while without looking at anything, but when I finally relapsed I couldn't tell her. So I've been lying for 5 years. She asked me again yesterday and I finally decided to stop lying to her. She wants to leave me, so this site is part of my final effort to keep her.
    220woof671 likes this.
  2. Welcome to the community. Sorry to hear about your current situation but don't let that stop you from healing.
    220woof671 likes this.
  3. 220woof671

    220woof671 Fapstronaut

    Ever lusted..... Focus on her ……. Same Questions etc...….

    Here's an exercise to help 'level the playing field'.

    Ask her is she has ever lusted at (male Rockstars; Hollywood Movie actors; attractive men wearing Speedos, went to a porn site, etc.). See if you can get her to admit her errors-humanness. Then ask her to give you details. Focus on her to the extent she focuses on you. (Same # of questions; same amount of time. Same advisement to her, "Well, we may need a separation until you get better.) Perhaps advise her men have to deal with Testosterone 100% of the time... everyday … every week... every month... for the rest of our lives? Females only have deal with 'testosterone' for a 2-3 days during her period. Ask her what it would "feel" like if she'd like to battle Testosterone 100% of the time? She also may "feel" hurt due to not feeling she can compete with attractive porn stars. Good luck

    Free Tips to Check Out:

    Benefits of No PMO:

    1. No social anxiety; 99% of time relaxed, calm, cool; easier to be sociable. If I do start to get nervous I think, "What do I have to be fearful about?" And I get calm in about 1-2 seconds.
    2. More attention from opposite gender -- without trying
    3. No brain fog; can concentrate easily. Can think clearer under pressure.
    4. Increased motivation to get things done.
    5. More Stamina -- can hang in their longer at work (be tough) and complete projects; can work overtime, while others can't
    6. No fears; high levels of testosterone = strength and don't take bs. (No one has messed with me in 52 days +.)
    7. More time for good/productive things. Not wasting time going to phony porn sites; fapping to pixels; lusting, etc.
    8. Women/men increasingly become less of a priority or need.
    9. Improved Confidence -- (online comment) "porn and masturbation lowers your self-esteem and confidence"
    10. More Respectable -- (online comment) "if you resist the urge to masturbate -- a practice that is generally condemned -- you are likely to feel more respect for yourself; and others will respect you more." We all can quickly tell if a man or woman is fapping ... nervous ... weak … fearful … has shame [trying to hide something] …
    10. Improved Creativity and Resourcefulness

    *Not all days are wonderful. Somedays are so-so ...… many are common... some are difficult due to "flat line"... But who wants to go backwards -- to weakness, shame and disrespecting yourself, etc.?
    Y-o-u can change! Y-o-u are 100% in control. Y-o-u call the shots!

    Tips to Successfully handle Urges or Temporary Temptations:

    #1 Secret = Get Off Your Heineken and Go Outside [temptations usually only last 10-20 min] 2- Go on NoFap and make a post; or "like" some posts; or give advice 3- Listen to and Dance to your favorite music (fun and gets rid of excess energy) 4- Exercise, go to gym, go for a walk 5- Go to mall and talk with women (or men for females) 6- Go to store and buy yourself a reward/gift/treat (small daily; medium weekly; large monthly) 7- Do your favorite hobby 8- Call, email or go visit a friend 9- Go walk a wonderful dog "Woof!" 10 - Have a "WHATEVER IT TAKES" attitude or mindset 11- Do a good deed for someone (extra points if they don't know who did it) 12- Take a break; take a nap (remind yourself that you are 100% in control and 100% responsible for your behavior-actions) 13- All Things Are Possible 14 - Positive personal hygiene (brush teeth; shower) keeps your self-esteem high 15 - Fasting (water only) has many health benefits; a 1/2 day or more fast will help you have more self control 16 - Taking it one day at a time, one urge at a time makes your goal more manageable & successful.

    A great way to have SUCCESS over urges or temptations is to make a quick LIST OF GOALS and OPTIONS. (Just make a quick list -- you can add to it later.) Then read the GOALS and OPTIONS when you are tempted. (I made a simple list the first week -- now it's a habit -- like a memory.) In a sense, you want to 'hold a knife' to the throat [carotid artery -- side of neck] of your 'feelings.' You are the boss -- you tell them what to do. If your 'feelings' disagree with your goals (No PMO, self respect, power) -- tell your 'feelings' where to go. You can call your list: STUD LIST, SPECIAL FORCES LIST, LIST OF OPTIONS, etc. (whatever works for you.)

    Last edited: May 25, 2019
  4. Always be positive

    Always be positive Fapstronaut


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