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New Fapstronaut
Hi everyone, I'm not familiar with Reddit so I'm learning about navigating through the site and understanding how to post. I was introduced to NoFap about a year ago and "tried" it but it wasn't helping me. The truth was I wasn't helping myself because I wasn't using NoFap. I would just going on to click the panic button whenever I felt a strong urge.
I'm back to take this more seriously, so I can recover from my addiction and try to move on with my life. I would like to tell you my story to anyone that would like to read it (it's long. I'm also not the best writer).
My first interaction with porn was in 8th grade. I was at a friend's house for a sleep over and he put it on to mess with me because I wasn't fond of watching it...at first. I'm not religious but I still felt uncomfortable watching it. A few days later I was watching tosh.0 with another friend and a clip came on with a guy masturbating while driving in his car while a truck driver captured it on video.
When my friend initially showed me the porn I didn't get why people would just watch it but then I found out that people usually masturbate to it. That night I remember lying awake thinking about why that guy was doing that to himself in public. After pondering for awhile I figured I'd try it out to see what all the hype was about. I didn't watch porn the first time I masturbated.
Once I reached the climax it was euphoric. Unlike anything I'd ever experienced, and the next day I woke up to go to school I couldn't concentrate because all I wanted to do was go home and experience the euphoric feeling again.
Long story short...er, I eventually(about a week later) started to use porn while maturating because doing it by itself just seemed boring to me. I started to use porn as an escape from my school life(which I never really enjoyed) and my personal life(which is another stressful topic that I will explain later). At first I started with just explicit pictures I found online, then I started to watch videos. I would usually watch it once a day sometimes 2, 3 or more times depending on the day because I think I wanted to relax from all the stress I dealt with on a daily basis. My addiction didn't progress much until I turned 18 cause that was the legal age I could start to legally indulge in those activities without the fear of being arrested(though looking back is highly unrealistic). I remember on my 18th birthday I sat inside my house for hours (which wasn't uncommon at this stage in my addiction) and just watched as much porn as I could consume. I made my first adult site account and for the first time entered the world of chat rooms. Because it was my birthday I told myself that my birthday present was to sit back and enjoy my day.
I ended up linking my debit card to this account(which was a HUGE mistake) because I ended up spending close to 300$ in one day because I was convincing myself that I deserved it.
To this day I have never gone more than 6 days without watching porn, I've spent thousands of dollars at strip clubs, chat rooms, porn stores, and I once tried prostitution but it never happened for reasons I am not going to explain. I've tried to quit so many times and even tried to attend SAA meetings but nothing seemed to work. I also struggle with depression and anxiety. I am also still a virgin and never even kissed a girl. Part of my anxiety is social anxiety especially around girls I find to be cute.
It's been 7 years since I first discovered porn and masturbation and I'm tired of lying to myself and making up excuses to justify my using. I'm here to try to make a change in my life to better myself and improve the relationships with the people who care about me most. I hope I can find people that can help me recover, and I hope to help people do the same.
I'm back to take this more seriously, so I can recover from my addiction and try to move on with my life. I would like to tell you my story to anyone that would like to read it (it's long. I'm also not the best writer).
My first interaction with porn was in 8th grade. I was at a friend's house for a sleep over and he put it on to mess with me because I wasn't fond of watching it...at first. I'm not religious but I still felt uncomfortable watching it. A few days later I was watching tosh.0 with another friend and a clip came on with a guy masturbating while driving in his car while a truck driver captured it on video.
When my friend initially showed me the porn I didn't get why people would just watch it but then I found out that people usually masturbate to it. That night I remember lying awake thinking about why that guy was doing that to himself in public. After pondering for awhile I figured I'd try it out to see what all the hype was about. I didn't watch porn the first time I masturbated.
Once I reached the climax it was euphoric. Unlike anything I'd ever experienced, and the next day I woke up to go to school I couldn't concentrate because all I wanted to do was go home and experience the euphoric feeling again.
Long story short...er, I eventually(about a week later) started to use porn while maturating because doing it by itself just seemed boring to me. I started to use porn as an escape from my school life(which I never really enjoyed) and my personal life(which is another stressful topic that I will explain later). At first I started with just explicit pictures I found online, then I started to watch videos. I would usually watch it once a day sometimes 2, 3 or more times depending on the day because I think I wanted to relax from all the stress I dealt with on a daily basis. My addiction didn't progress much until I turned 18 cause that was the legal age I could start to legally indulge in those activities without the fear of being arrested(though looking back is highly unrealistic). I remember on my 18th birthday I sat inside my house for hours (which wasn't uncommon at this stage in my addiction) and just watched as much porn as I could consume. I made my first adult site account and for the first time entered the world of chat rooms. Because it was my birthday I told myself that my birthday present was to sit back and enjoy my day.
I ended up linking my debit card to this account(which was a HUGE mistake) because I ended up spending close to 300$ in one day because I was convincing myself that I deserved it.
To this day I have never gone more than 6 days without watching porn, I've spent thousands of dollars at strip clubs, chat rooms, porn stores, and I once tried prostitution but it never happened for reasons I am not going to explain. I've tried to quit so many times and even tried to attend SAA meetings but nothing seemed to work. I also struggle with depression and anxiety. I am also still a virgin and never even kissed a girl. Part of my anxiety is social anxiety especially around girls I find to be cute.
It's been 7 years since I first discovered porn and masturbation and I'm tired of lying to myself and making up excuses to justify my using. I'm here to try to make a change in my life to better myself and improve the relationships with the people who care about me most. I hope I can find people that can help me recover, and I hope to help people do the same.
your story is really inspiring and to a certain degree i can certainly relate. I started watching porn when I was in grade 6 and i got more addicted to it as i got older. When i entered college years i was masturbating like 3 times a day. I too have anxiety and self-esteem issues. I used porn as an escape from tough situations or stressful situations and anxiety. It has now gotten to the point where I am dependent on porn to get aroused and i'm starting to notice signs of PIED. Porn is not healthy and i hope to get rid of it completely. I wish you the best on your journey and I'm here to support you and anyone else.