New to NoFap and am extremely unsure.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by neutral, Aug 31, 2020.

  1. neutral

    neutral Fapstronaut

    Hey there,

    I am a 20 year old dude from the UK and I have been playing with my dick since I can remember. When you're a kid it's all harmless fun, but then porn gets involved and it becomes messy (lol). I was 9 or 10 when I was first shown porn by a friend at his house and instantly became infatuated by it - whenever I could get away with it I'd look up "boobs" on Google or look at page 3 girls in tabloid newspapers I'd find around the place - all of this was in secret though, maybe one new pair of tits a month.

    Then when I was 12 I got my own DSi (which had a shitty Opera browser) and that was when I regularly looked up gifs of naked women - shortly after puberty hit and my libido grew and soon enough jacking off began. This routine of using my DSi, stolen iPod touches, and shitty Android tablets to watch porn and jack off lasted until I turned 16.

    During all of this I had no idea of the potential damage I was doing to myself, it was routine at this point, and at the summer of 16 I was informed by a friend about noFap which he was partaking in and explained why. My naive teen brain couldn't see my jacking off as a problem, I mean it wasn't getting in the way of anything (I was sure as hell not ready to have sex), and SURELY I could quit whenever I wanted to.

    My 16th to 17th year was the shittest time of my life from top til bottom. My wanking of course was at an all time high, I had personal issues going on, had recently moved, and no friends. When I hit 17 (my birthday lands at the end of May so directly into the summer) I decided that I needed to make drastic changes in my life, joined the gym, began dieting, and just began improving myself. Alas cutting out porn and J/O didn't quite make the cut.

    Each year since then I felt myself improving and feel great about looking back. In the past 3 years I have grown so much and am genuinely proud of myself, I no longer hate who I am yet know what I need to change to feel that slight bit better about myself. I'm finally at a stage where I feel I'm ready to get into a relationship (call me prior to this a fucking volcel or some shit).

    But then there's jacking off and porn. It's always been there. It's been the most consistent part of myself. The longest break I have taken was an accidental month at the beginning of University last year. Prior to that, the odd week which I would relapse directly after.
    Because of that month I didn't deem it a problem.
    Until a month ago, that same friend hit me up about noFap once more, he had been on and off it, hit a year streak, now only avoids porn etc. and he told me to see whether I could jus take a week off porn. Of course my cocky self said "sure" - and I couldn't get past day three.

    The past three weeks I have just gave into my urges 100% and jacked off as much as possible, call it giving up, and today I reluctantly opened the porn, and couldn't get my dick up. I wasn't shocked, scared, or anything, I knew this would happen and it did. It's now time for me to go cold turkey off this shit.

    I guess my reservations with noFap come from the aspect of "it'll make you less groggy", "it'll give you super powers", "it'll get you laid", "it'll make you more confident" which seems to be plastered everywhere. In that accidental month of jo-celibacy I didn't feel any of those things.

    I just want to stop now and don't think I can on my own, and so a sense of community should do me well. I just refuse to fall for those selling points.

    Thanks, hopefully I don't come across to obnoxious, I hope you'll have me.

    tl;dr - jacked off for 11 years, tried going off porn for a week, couldn't last 3 days, don't like the "primary" selling points of NoFap, finally want control
  2. 007_JamesBond

    007_JamesBond Fapstronaut

    Welcome, some people can't even go one day without PMO so in some ways you are better off. Don't you find that listening to rock 'n roll and rap music is sexually stimulating? I did so I limit the amount I listen to. The singer Michael Jackson would grap his crotch onstage claiming the music made him do it. I agree with him. When I was growing up KC and the Sunshine band were singing "Get Down Tonight". I felt pressure to have sex from peers who bragged about getting a piece of xxx and from the James Bond movies among others.

    I'm avoiding PMO because I want to prove to myself that I can do without M & O for 90 days. I do not believe those members who claim that if you give up PMO then all will be bliss with your sex life. Since avoiding PMO I have had a greater craving for a partner, but have not found one yet. I joined an online service looking for a long term monogamous partner with similar interests as well.

    For centuries multiple cultures have used different herbs and barks to assist with male issues so I expect that is what I will have to do in order to be able to sexually perform with a partner.

    To me M & O are a mental, physical and emotional release, but if we do it too much then it becomes an addiction. Each person has at least one addiction in life to overcome. If you don't have a good reason for you to avoid PMO then I think it is more difficult to master. Good luck.
  3. SeaChange

    SeaChange Fapstronaut

    Brother, the hallmark sign of an addiction is that you made the decision to stop doing a thing and found yourself unable to. That alone should be reason enough to do NoFap - self mastery. You have admitted that you don't have total control of yourself when it comes to PMOing, don't you find that distressing at all?

    I'll admit that when I was your age (I'm 27 now) I didn't find my PMO problems to be all that concerning either - I now wish I had. Much like you I got into porn when I was around 7 or 8 by googling things like "boobs" and "playboy" and then escalated to masturbation years later. From 20 years old until now I've just let my addiction grow and escalate and encompass more and more parts of my life. When I was 20 and dating my first real girlfriend I could have never imagined straying from the relationship. Now I message other women to flirt with them and get off, keep nudes from exes against their wishes, and fantasize about cheating in person. 20 year old me would barely recognize me now.

    I'm not doing NoFap for any "super powers" (I find them to be a silly selling point as well), I'm doing NoFap because my addiction to PMO has ruined every relationship I've been in. I'm not trying to become a superhuman, I'm just trying to be a normal, everyday man, instead of somebody who lies constantly to the people who love him most.

    Be better than I was, choose the path of self mastery over addiction and regret. I wish I had when I was your age. I'm trying to walk that path now but I've just lost so much already.
    Seascape and neutral like this.
  4. throwawayly Ah Um

    throwawayly Ah Um New Fapstronaut

    SeaChange, other than having a great name if it comes from the Beck album, and even if it doesn't, you also have a great perspective on the situation. I understand that your words about yourself sound harsh, but there is a beautiful honesty to them. Not trying to sugarcoat, just look at the bright side, because I totally agree, it's more than superpowers, an 'everyday man' doesn't lose his powers from his kryptonite, his 'weakness', a normal man's weakness is what makes him more noble imo. It's through the weaknesses and shortcomings, failures and mistakes that a man grows and evolves. So I'd say that the path of self-mastery as you say includes addiction and regret. I understand that 27 years old might seem like a lot if you count those 20 years of PMO, but you can still have many much more healthy decades from now on. I think your mindset is already super-like, or normal-like, as you'd prefer :)). Thanks for your words.
    SeaChange and neutral like this.
  5. Hello there... :)
    Welcome to the community! :)
    I hope you find the strength and discipline to succeed with your self improvement goals. Good Luck! :)

    One Eyed Owl and neutral like this.
  6. neutral

    neutral Fapstronaut

    Really appreciate the response - so thank you for your perspective.

    I think to a certain extent I am holding onto the naivety in a similar way people ignore bad situations and am wary that I totally am addicted (as much as I hate to admit it) hence why I'm finally joining this community.
    SeaChange likes this.
  7. neutral

    neutral Fapstronaut

    Thank you for your words.

    If what you say about each person having at least one addiction in life to overcome, then this is definitely one for me. I think my primary reason is "because I don't have control" which is an ongoing issue I have been dealing with separately, but if I can take two bad things and make one of them overrule the other then something positive is birthed. As for a secondary reason I think having it get in the way of future relationships could easily be one.
  8. Mike Bonanno

    Mike Bonanno Fapstronaut

    So Gloria Estefan was right and eventually the rhythm is gonna get you :eek:.
    Sorry Bro. Don't get me wrong, I loved your post. I just had to do this :D.

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