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New to NoFAP but not to recovery.

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by cincinandy, Aug 8, 2016.

  1. cincinandy

    cincinandy Fapstronaut

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    Hello! Rather than try to warm up with some fluffy introduction I'm just going to dive right into the important stuff.

    I started started masturbating when I was like 9 and I started using porn (albeit sparingly due to dial-up connections) when I was about 12-13. All throughout high school and into college the only porn I would watch were short clips here and there, but mostly pictures. It wasn't until I was halfway thru college that I was introduced to more extensive porn resources where I could watch hours and hours of whatever and whomever I wanted. This is kinda where things went downhill for me. So while I would consider myself one of the older members of the high speed internet generation, I wasn't exposed to copious amounts of high speed porn until I was about 20 years old. I have however masturbated frequently, with or without porn, ever since I first discovered what an orgasm was. That was a hell of a day for me lol you might even say record breaking.

    I have been down several "rabbit hole" periods of my life where the PMO was so compulsive and excessive that it had major negative impacts in my life - anti-social behavior, severe depression, not being able to perform with an actual woman, and even as far as affecting my grades in school. While there has always been this looming idea that the MO (and later PMO) was not healthy for me, it wasn't until I got to college and starting PMOing excessively that I realized I needed to start reaching out for help. The first time was going to SA meetings. I'm not much for religion so you can see where this created some conflict for me. It was very helpful in some ways but not sustainable. I later employed professional help from a therapist which was again very useful for me. But I'm not sure I was completely aware of how much of a negative impact compulsive sexual behavior had on my life, nor do I believe the therapist had a grasp on how devastating the specific type of behavior associated with extensive and prolonged porn usage has had on young men.

    I've been sexually active since I was 15 and don't typically have any problem attracting women. Considering this, there have been months at a time where I have not PMO or MO at all because I was having regular sex. Although I never realized it until my most recent relationship, this actually has served to place a huge magnifying glass over the issue of my compulsive sexual behavior. The failures of my more serious relationships can, to a greater or lesser extent, be traced back to unhealthy sexual behaviors - which I've come to believe are the bi-product of some very unhealthy emotional behaviors, but that's for another time. Alas, an off-and-on 5 year relationship came to end about a year ago and I found myself slowly slipping back into the rabbit hole. About 3-4 months ago I stumbled across a men's self-help website that is a huge advocate of the NoFap and I began down a different rabbit hole - this time through the mountain of research that has seemingly sprung up overnight about the serious physiological effects of prolonged exposure to high speed internet porn.

    I've tried to reboot twice since then with some success but not entirely. I'm no where close to being ready to give up though. So here I am on my third try. I journal A LOT about my reboots and what I've learned is that keeping myself focused is difficult for sustained periods of time so joining the NoFAP community seemed like a great next step for me. My longest streak so far was 16 days. Right now I'm on day 7, going strong. I'm hoping to head into my 28th birthday with at least a full month under my belt. Here goes!
     
    yousuff and iceman40 like this.
  2. MadHatter

    MadHatter Fapstronaut

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    Good luck, man!
    Welcome to the brotherhood.
    Rebooting is much easier when you are part of a community, in my experience.

    I hope you are able to achieve your goals.
     
    cincinandy likes this.

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