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Hey all. So I have struggled with addiction for around two decades. It was not always porn; weed, and other things.

Over the past two years, between hard times, covid, the horrors of online accelerated college and chronic pain(and this was the result of a medicsl misdiagnosis) that recently required surgery I began to look to pmo to medicate.

I've been intentionally attempting pmo for over a year. I've had a few 30 days. No binges but each time I trip up it hits every part of me so hard. I'm seeing more clearly now and it is apparent how much this has affected my life l.

I was in an 8 day streak and I peakes for a 20 or 30 seconds and thw momentary dopamine rush turned into a 3 hour anxiety instance and actuallu had me feelinh sick.

I recently had surgery on my shoulder, can't work, and won't be able to for months. I'm not allowed to work out bc of the injury. I speed walk and do mobility. I'm working on the skills to become a web developer. This is a really hard time. I'm going to be intentional about regularly updating my progress. I've never made it 90 days and am going for that. I want to be completely done with this for the rest of my life. It makes me sick, angry and teary eyed at the same time.

Thanka everyone for taking the time.

-Mike

 

Hey Wild,

Thanks for the reply. I did quite a bit of meditation in the past, when I was going on my "spiritual journey;" during my prechristian phase I was pretty heavy into Buddhism and Hinduism, While studying all the various "isms."

I think I'm going to begin a sort of meditation/journal/wisdom/bible hybrid and see where that goes.