New to NoFap - My Story

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by WinTheDayPS7326, Jan 30, 2020.

  1. WinTheDayPS7326

    WinTheDayPS7326 Fapstronaut

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    I learned about this site through Universal Man. I'm so glad there is something like this out there. It gives me hope and I know I'm not in this alone.

    I've been healing from porn addiction over the past several years. I've been married for several years and confessed to my wife Initially a few years back. Needless to say she was devastated. I committed to never viewing porn or any explicit content again. As you all know, that's an almost impossible commitment to make, but in the moment I was so scared to lose my wife that I made the promise in the hopes that maybe something might stick.

    Fast forward to last week and I confessed again to my wife that while I have drastically improved, often going several months without any porn use, there have been moments where I slipped. This unraveled everything and things are worse than they were before, because along the way she would "check in" to see how I was doing, but I was too ashamed and too afraid to confess to the times when I slipped up until recently.

    She's right in that I didn't do what I needed the first time to ensure I had the right tools in place or surround myself with encouragement and accountability and counseling. While I did implement some things (Covenant Eyes, accountability partners, eliminating apps, etc.) I lacked a community to be able to reach out to.

    I hope NoFap can be one of those communities I can both contribute to and glean encouragement and accountability from.

    Here's to a life of purity!
     
    QuiggyG and Delta Tango like this.
  2. White_Wolff

    White_Wolff Fapstronaut

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    Hey wintheday! Nice to have you part of this community. I just joined too, so I'm in a similar boat being new to all this. Having support for things that are so embarrassing or taboo to talk about is important. If you ever feel like you have the uncontrollable urge to do it again, just message me. Reading your introduction I don't think you have anything to feel guilty about. If watching porn once every few months is effecting your marriage I would say it's worth asking your partner if perhaps there are other problems that are also responsible for things being this way so suddenly. Sometimes people do not react so strongly from one issue in a relationship but rather one issue that is revealed in a time when they probably have a few other issues they have been keeping under the surface out of fear to confront you about it. So this new unravelled secret or shame tends to give them the perfect excuse to just open up about things they have been holding in. Yes it can turn the relationship into far more dramatic turn, but that's what relationships need sometimes when things haven't worked out the way they have been.
    Perhaps it could be other things responsible that she hasn't discussed. I would advise talking to her if you haven't already to see if it's not just the pornography. I hope you work things out with her. Looking forward to your posts here about things between you both. Joining a forum is a sure sign that you are doing your best to improve, so you seem like you have the right attitude. Welcome !
     
    Delta Tango and WinTheDayPS7326 like this.
  3. WinTheDayPS7326

    WinTheDayPS7326 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, White Wolff! Same to you - if you're feeling vulnerable or tempted, please message me.

    I do feel a lot of guilt and shame for what I did. Even with my progression I was still lying to my wife whenever she would ask me about my struggles because I feared the consequences it would have on her mentally, emotionally, and even physically as well as the consequences for me.

    But you bring up a good point. When my wife first found out about my addiction years ago, it revealed underlying issues she had been dealing with for some time that I wasn't aware of. She often struggles with anxiety and depression. So we initially sought out marriage counseling as well as individual counseling for her, but it never really went anywhere. This time around, I'm not giving up until we find the help we need to find healing from all of the ugliness and pain that's been uncovered.

    It's been my opinion that my wife has been very irrational in her response to all of this, but my opinion is wrong. I have failed to understand up to this point what effect sexual betrayal has on women. It is now my responsibility as her husband to become a student in this area, earn back her trust, and guard her heart as well as mine from sexual sin.

    I really appreciate your reply. It's invoked a lot of thought and reflection.
     
  4. Delta Tango

    Delta Tango Fapstronaut

    Welcome to the community! I believe that this site has helped me to be more open with what is going on. Since joining this group I have read and learnt so many things. I am better able to explain this addiction first to myself and then to my loved ones. I now speak fairly openly about my addiction, but more importantly my attempt to reboot. Talking about it with loved ones helped me realize that I am not alone, and seemingly everybody has some concern about their sex life. Through your journey, you may very well be able to encourage others to follow. As you alluded to, my wife was the least supportive when I confessed to her. She was borderline scornful. But after a few hours she was able to come to some understanding and will occasionally check in on me. I haven't relapsed since I started participating in this community, but I have reset once since I joined and that happened after 2 weeks. My reset was because I had not started to participate and read widely. I didn't understand that my methods were not particularly the best for me. Now that I have a better understanding I am on 28 days and counting with relative ease. Good luck on your journey and don't feel bad if you have to reset and readjust your methods. Just stay on the journey!
     
    WinTheDayPS7326 likes this.
  5. WinTheDayPS7326

    WinTheDayPS7326 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks, DT! What recommendations do you have for reading material?
     
  6. Delta Tango

    Delta Tango Fapstronaut

    I spend most of my time reading the posts here. I've learnt a lot from the members here. I don't think my attention span is suited to reading many of the help books that are out there. For me, I prefer the interactive nature of this message board.
     
  7. WinTheDayPS7326

    WinTheDayPS7326 Fapstronaut

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    That's cool. I've found interacting on this site to be helpful too. I know I'm not alone in this battle. We all come from different walks of life. Shoot me a message anytime you want to chat.
     
    Delta Tango likes this.

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