New to NoFap . Rebooting in a marriage. Please help!

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by pathtorecovery86, Sep 23, 2020.

  1. pathtorecovery86

    pathtorecovery86 Fapstronaut

    It's a bit long , please bear with me. But , I desperately need a help.

    I'm a 33 years old man and have been married for 2 and a half years. I don't want to call myself a porn addict but I used to watch porn at least 2-3 times a week for the last 10-15 years. When I was not watching porn , I'd be sexting with random girls on the internet. In fact , I'd rather prefer sexting with girls than watching porn (it'd help me 'O' easily ). After I got married 2 and a half years back , my porn consumption was very minimal and I deleted all the apps that I used to chat with women. My sex life was good ( 2-3 times a week). There was no problem in the first year into marriage. When we were in the second year into our marriage , we started having conflicts and arguments ( not related to sex or alike , those were just regular husband-wife quarrels). Our arguments and quarrels went uphill ; it was like 3-4 times a week. Slowly and gradually , I started to feel irritated , disrespected and loss of sexual attraction. We'd still have sex but it was like once or twice a month as opposed to 2-3 times a week in the beginning. I still loved her but because of frequent arguments I started to get even more irritated and depressed. Out of despair , I downloaded apps to chat with random girls anonymously . That would help me divert my mind from frequent arguments and the ensuing depression. I continued to chat with girls and get off , hiding from my wife. One night , when I was drunk , She caught me. It was a disaster. I explained to her how she made me feel disrespected and that is why I resorted to sexting to divert my mind. I deleted the app. Things started to get better but only for some days or weeks. We fought again which led me back to sexting again. She caught me the second time and I admitted. I explained the same thing to her again. We made a promise we'd never hurt each other with words or quarrel. I deactivated and permanently deleted all the apps that I used for sexting.

    We continued to build our trust and relationship. We fixed our issues and I promised her I'd never chat online with random women. But , sexual attraction wasn't that great. One evening , I set the mood and decided to have a great sex like before even though I had decreased urges for her . Unfortunately , I did not get a good enough erection to penetrate her. We gave up that night , feeling frustrated. I assured her that might be a performance anxiety after all these months of fighting , quarreling and confrontations. After a week , I took 50mg ED pill and decided to have sex . It shattered me into pieces to realize that it didn't work and I could not achieve a good erection enough for penetration. I tried to test myself and watched porn , the erection was better with porn. I continued watching porn to get off , hiding from her. Its now been almost a year since we didn't have a 'successful sex'. Our relationship isn't that great because of this. She has mood swings all the time and not quite happy with our relationship.

    One fine morning , I woke up and came across this site and learnt about PIED. I told myself that I need to fix my relationship .I gave up watching porn and chatting online. Its been 40 days since I did PMO. Last week , I had a sex/wet dream and that was just once. I have explained to her that my ED might be related to stress or use of porn in the past. And also told her that I'm in the state of recovery. I showed her articles about PIED. She pretends to understand me but I feel she doesn't. She still has mood swings and not quite happy with me .

    After 40 days of PMO , I have urges for PMO . However , I'm still not ready for sex because I still feel I have not yet restored my sexual urges for her.

    Please help me , what do I do ? How do I convince her ? Should I try to have sex , despite my low-libido for real sex with her. I don't think she can wait any longer. She is really frustrated and unhappy.
    palindromo likes this.
  2. palindromo

    palindromo Fapstronaut

    Let her know about nofap and Nofap section for partners of an addicted.

    - - -
    About you i recomende a hard mode , with no porn , no erotic material, no sex. Ask also for advices in
    Rebooting in a Relationship section

    - - -

    Please, start studying carefully what's happening in your mind >

    First time without porn will be stressful , but if you resist , in some months you will feel reborn.

    If the first times a person relapse easly, it's okay.
    The streaks becomes even longer , day by day.
    Don't porn anymore, it's better to struggle and at the last to relapse than to look at porn.
    No more instagram pictures of models. No more erotic imagines , erotic stories or erotic asmr.
    If you experience ''flatline'' and low libido , resist.
    We should improve in all area of our life, just being dissatisfied or stressed makes us relapse.

    An effective weapon to overcome urges and thoughts : mindfulness.
    The brain will try to win you and to get some triggers for the seek of dopamine. Resist
    One Eyed Owl likes this.
  3. ryukPLYZ

    ryukPLYZ Fapstronaut

    well I mean I am 14 years old
    and I can't relate at all but
    Good Luck to ur NoFap journey
  4. peedluk

    peedluk Fapstronaut

    everything will be alright bro! just be on the path although I'm not that experienced..
  5. tonyk1982

    tonyk1982 Fapstronaut

    Search out similar stories in the correct sections and you will find helpful coping and recovery skills. But stay away from PMO - that is the best thing to recover your performance and desire.
  6. Ah.. this hit me right in the feels. Sometimes I forget children are being exposed to pornography, even though the truth is, most are.
    It's good you're on nofap at 14 and encourage your friends to stay away from porn as well. They may tease you but they will thank you later on and inwardly have great respect for you. I went through being teased for trying to uphold good behavior, but eventually I became discouraged. Do not be discouraged. Keep saying no to porn. Look at all your seniors on this site, it has destroyed us.
    You're on the right track. May God bless you eternally, young man. Keep this up and I just know God is going to use you to do great things and speak light into the lives of others!

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