New to NoFap, telling my story for the first time...

So, 3 years have passed and I’m here again.

I ended up relapsing pretty hard and got back into my old routines. For the last three years I’ve started each morning with checking my ”porn” instagram-account for updates from the women I follow who post pictures and videos of their feet or various amputations. The first 2 1/2 years since I relapsed I never really masturbated to any of it, but that’s only because I coulnd’t due to living in a small appartment with my GF and we’ve both been without a job and/or studied from home. I also had a bad BIID-wave for a couple of weeks where all I could think about was to have my left leg amputated. It led to alot of mental struggles. During the last 6 months or so I therefor really hit a ”low” in terms of my pornaddiction: I realized that I could masturbate while I was on the toilet. And that’s what I’ve been doing. I felt gross and ashamed every single time I did it, and every single time I told myself that it would be the last time. But I just couldn’t stop myself. I was watching foot- and amputeeporn for 1-2 hours each day. Until I had had enough.

My GF has had a hard time with the covid-situation. Anciety and a mild depression has led to her becoming a hypocondriac and that has also made things worse for her mental state. Due to this, we’ve had sex about 3 times since the covid-situation happened. When we had sex for the first time in about 7 months, I was thrilled. I’ve been daydreaming of sucking and licking her toes and soles every single day. But when she put her toes in my mouth, I felt nothing. I realized right there and then how badly damaged my mind is from porn. It was a wake up call.

I stopped masturbating on the toilet, stopped checking my porn instagram-account, stopped looking for feet pics and videos on reddit, twitter, youtube, pornsites, etc. I can still find myself casually browsing my personal instagram account for casual feet pics, but as soon as I realize what I’m doing I stop. I’ve decided to give this one more try. I’ve got to change my life, because this isn’t the way it’s supposed to be.

I’m not gonna count days this time, but it’s been about a week since I decided to make a change.

(sorry for any grammatic- or spelling errors)