New to site

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by Chels, Feb 2, 2019.

  1. Chels

    Chels Fapstronaut

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    Hi, my very first time on this site, only just stumbled across it after watching a video on YouTube. Not sure how it all works. Found it hard to find this part to introduce myself and not sure how you start the rebooting. Can anyone help
     
  2. Hey man, welcome to nofap. Well, to answer your question, there are a lot of ways to go about rebooting. You can use any combination of these...
    1. Get a counter going. I dont have one on right now, but there should still be a link you can click at the bottom of my post to get oe yourself

    2. Start a personal journal in the section for your age bracket and keep track of your progress.

    3.) Join a challenge. Go to the "porn addiction and recovery" forum and click the "events and challenges" sub forum to see whats available and find one that suits you

    4.) Lastly just interact. Talking with others, posting comments on your profile page, reading about other peoples journeys, etc are all good ways to be inspired and stay accountable.

    If you have any questions feel free to ask, good luck :)
     
    Chels likes this.
  3. Chels

    Chels Fapstronaut

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    Thank you mate (from England)

    I really appreciate you taking time to welcoming me. I have so many questions/ thoughts and I guess it’s gonna take a little time to get answers to all. But I can start with my story in short.
    I am 41 year old guy with a family of 3 kids and a woman I have been with for almost 18 years. We are getting married this year.
    Up until this week I think I had sex maybe once or twice with my future wife in the last 2 years. The reason being I find the whole process boring now and my fiancée is not as attractive to me as the perfect girls having the dirtiest sex on porn.
    Even before this 2 year period when I was having sex maybe once a month the orgasms just didn’t feel as good compare to when I pmo. this has made me feel for a long time maybe I am just not a normal person who enjoys normal sex any more.
    This is one of my first questions
    I remember giving up pmo for a while just on my own no sites or anything for about a week to a month (I can’t remember) and I was expecting my orgasm to sex to be amazing but was let down.
    Again I have recently decided no pmo which has been going on for 7 days now (up to today and still counting) and in that time have had sex maybe 3 to 4 times which has been quite good but the orgasm hasn’t felt as good when I pmo. So I guess it’s 2 questions one is will my orgasms improve over time ? and am I just replacing my urge to pmo to constantly wanting sex with my fiancé ? She has enjoyed it but having 3 kids to look after I’m sure she doesn’t want it every night. I have to constantly berate her some nights.
    When she doesn’t want it I feel like I need to abstain from pmo I can’t just fall asleep with out thinking about pmo.
    I have been watching porn at least 4 times a week (almost every night lately) for the last 15 years or so. Is there a lot of ups and downs for me to go through a lot of undoing 15 years of watching porn ?
    Sorry going on too much now as I said so many questions.
    Thanks Chels
     
  4. Okay, so there is kind of a lot of things to address here, but i'll do my best to give you a full answer. I cant answer all of it from experience (especially sincw im still struggling with my addiction) but ive been on this site awhile and done a lot of reading throughiut the forums and talking with members so i have a pretty good idea.

    First off it does sound like you may be subsituting pmo for sex with your wife. Now this is always going to be a better option because porn is the big enemy here and real sex is much healthier, but because of the damage done by porn, you will heal faster the less times you orgasm. A lot of people still have sex while rebooting, but a lot of others swear by total abstinence to get best results. So really, i guess its up to you.

    Second...as far as better orgasms go, it may take longer than a month to get fully back to normal and therefore have better sex. Everyone reboots at a different rate depending on the severity of the addiction and your body chemistry, but most people agree that 30 days isnt enough to undo the mental or physical damage. 90 days is a pretty common firat goal to aim for, but that doesnt mean it is the end all or that you should dive right back into porn as soon as 90 days are up. Also again, you may reboot slower if you continue to have frequent sex, but dont let that discourage you because the goal is to quit watching porn and masturbating.

    Lastly, YES...you will have a lot of ups and downs while trying to beat this thing. I dobt mean to sound dramatic, but i dont want to sugar coat it either. Again, its worse for some than others, but almost everyone has a hard time of it. Intense cravings will hit that make you feel like your losing your mind, there may be a whole bunch of witdrawal like symptoms. The tricky part is that they come and go and in between you may feel a lot better because your body is healing. So its quite a rollercoster, but it gets better with time. It doesnt seem like watching porn would have auch a physical effect on your mind and body, but it does. Then again, you may be one of the ones who find it easier, especially if you are less addicted. How hard was it for you to make that 30 days clean? That is a good indicator, because a lot of people (including me) find 30 days to be quite a struggle


    Ps. Sorry if its riddled with typos, thats kind of my trade mark lol
     
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  5. ImpureHuman

    ImpureHuman Fapstronaut

    Deleted Account and Chels like this.
  6. Chels

    Chels Fapstronaut

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    Sorry if my replies are slow I am using this site descreatly as I don’t want my wife to know. Thanks I had a scroll through the link you sent me. A lot of interesting stuff also a lot to take in in one read for me I will have to try and come back and forth to take it all in. Appreciate the support
     
  7. Chels

    Chels Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for this you have answered some questions and have given me some hope. I think my biggest fear is having real sex/ making love will never feel the same as it once did when I was in my teens early 20s (a long time). I am hoping that feeling will come back one day and it sounds like being on here and using this site can help me get there. Another very important point you have raised is don’t get to 90 days or whatever and think it’s ok now I can pmo. Or have a bad day and just say fuck it and give up. Like I said before I have already started no pmo around 8 days ago but know myself well enough to know how strong I am now won’t necessarily be the case in 2 weeks etc. That is the main reason I have surfed the internet and found this site which I only heard of a few days ago. In a perfect world I want porn to be something I used to watch and something I have no desire or intention to watch again. The whole thing is fake and I have seen more than enough for a lifetime. I hope we can have a few more chats in the future and I wish you well on your fight. Make sure you get there
     
  8. ImpureHuman

    ImpureHuman Fapstronaut

    That's ok. Sensitive matter and so always in incognito window.

    Knowing about the addiction helps reduce the frustration and depression during recovery.

    I failed a million times. But this time it's different. I am determined.
     
    Last edited: Feb 4, 2019
  9. Chels

    Chels Fapstronaut

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    hi,

    Trying to follow up on your advice you have given me, can you tell me what is a counter and where can I find it please. Also any advice of what types of challenges there are and where to find them. I guess I am hoping to find one where there is NoFap but allows me to have intercourse with my wife. But I’m willing to try whatever it takes if that means no intercourse as well. The goal for me is no porn ever I want to stop seeing these woman on my phone as objects and I want the real thing back, courtship, build up, pleasure from seeing her pleasured, not thinking of any porn I have recently watched to get off.
     
  10. A counter is a thing that keeps track of your clean days and is displayed at the bottom of your posts. If you can see mine then just click on the link to start your own. If you cant see it then its probably because your using a phone. Try tilting it to landscape mode and seeing if that helps.

    As for the challenges, heres the link to all of them. You can read through and find whats right for you. I think most o then allow intercourse, but youll have to read the rules to make sure.

    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?forums/events-challenges.132/
     

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