New to the site, trying to cure PIED

I'm a 63 year old divorced male. After my ex-wife cut off sex 5 years ago, I started masturbating regularly. That led to watching porn with increasing frequency and fantasies to get off. Yet I didn't feel addicted to porn, I really wanted to find a wonderful woman for a meaningful relationship.

After several years, I recently started a relationship with an extremely sweet, compatible, sexy, loving woman. We purposely withheld sex to allow our relationship to grow without sex. During that month period, my masturbating to porn dropped way off, and I actually lost interest in both. I was more excited by my newfound relationship.

After a month, we attempted sex and I discovered I could get sexually aroused, get hard etc, but could not orgasm. Tried four times over the course of a few days, could not cum. I tried fantasizing using my porn memory, but still couldn't orgasm. I had a lot of pain and discomfort for two days afterward, guess a case of super blue balls.

I spoke honestly to my friend about my previous erectile disfunction, use of ED meds, and the past 5 years masturbating to porn. We discussed my desensitization from porn and my decision to use a reboot from NOFAP to rewire my brains behavior. Fortunately, this wonderful woman understands and we will work together on my issues.

I plan on trying to abstain from orgasm for the next month. I'm interested in feedback from people who are in relationships and how to manage sexual behavior during the reboot. Is it okay to still indulge in kissing, touching, exploring etc without culmination in orgasm? Is it okay if I make her orgasm through masturbation, oral sex etc? How can I get aroused but keep from getting hard and then suffering blue balls by not culminating in orgasm?

How does one know when to try sex with their partner? Is it by waiting a month or more, will I feel something different in my body?

I don't seem to have a problem with abstinance from porn or masturbation because I'm now involved in a loving relationship. I just want to be able to orgasm once aroused, i'm hopeful abstinance for a month or whatever time is required will help but during that time I want to be able to still feel connected with my girl friend. Thanks for your suggestions.

 

Thanks Joe, appreciate the feedback. I plan doing just what you suggested.

Hi Shaft,

Thanks for your reply, I really appreciate it. I definitely plan on staying in my newly developing relationship, she is a fantastic woman, and to take the pressure off, I have discussed my porn, masturbation and inability to orgasm. She is very understanding and wants to help however she can. I think we will simply enjoy touching, exploring, learning our sensitive areas, hugs, kissing etc, but not intercourse or orgasm on my part. I'm going for at least 30 days of no orgasm, no porn, no masturbation, then assess how I'm feeling. Not sure how when or where we will move toward having intercourse but not for at least a month until I'm feeling like I'll orgasm. I'm wondering how I'll know if I'll actually orgasm but I assume things will work out. I'm able to get hard, I get aroused, but then can't orgasm, hopefully this program will return me to normal. Best of luck to you. However, I think you should be honest with your girl friend and tell her what is going on. That might help improve things between you.