walker5210
Fapstronaut
Hi, I am "Walker" and I have looked at/lurked NoFap site for a little while as I have been learning about myself and my problematic use of pornography.
I am a 65 year old male, married for over 35 years, and recently retired from my professional career. My marriage has been very difficult, my spouse has told me (very long ago) that she "has no sexual desire". And, she has turned away my bids for sexual intimacy for many years. I turned to masturbation for relief from sexual tension and desire and I used pornography as a masturbation aid. In the last couple of years, I have found that I was turning more-and-more to porn and masturbation for relief from my anxieties. I would feel temporary relief. But, the anxieties and stress would soon return. In the last year or so, my use of PMO became more frequent. Of course, I mostly tried to keep this a secret. I felt that my wife would shame me for this behavior.
I am also an "adult child of an alcoholic" (ACOA). One of my parents was an alcoholic that never recovered. This dysfunctional family behavior that I grew up in affected me deeply and about 18 months ago I joined a support group for ACOAs. I have learned a lot about myself and have begun to heal with help from this group. (That community is officially known as ACA)
I also began to look at the stress within my "sexless marriage". And, I started reading a website support group for similar relationships. Some of that reading ultimately led me to NoFap.
I have decided to try again to "re-new" my relationship with my spouse. We have begun talking honestly with each other to a greater degree than we had in many years. So, I am beginning a "NoFap" journey to reset my brain and my sexual response with the ultimate hope of rejuvenating an intimate life with my spouse. I have told her about this effort of mine. I see the challenge and difficulties ahead but, I am hopeful that with the help of this community, I can heal and begin again.
I am a 65 year old male, married for over 35 years, and recently retired from my professional career. My marriage has been very difficult, my spouse has told me (very long ago) that she "has no sexual desire". And, she has turned away my bids for sexual intimacy for many years. I turned to masturbation for relief from sexual tension and desire and I used pornography as a masturbation aid. In the last couple of years, I have found that I was turning more-and-more to porn and masturbation for relief from my anxieties. I would feel temporary relief. But, the anxieties and stress would soon return. In the last year or so, my use of PMO became more frequent. Of course, I mostly tried to keep this a secret. I felt that my wife would shame me for this behavior.
I am also an "adult child of an alcoholic" (ACOA). One of my parents was an alcoholic that never recovered. This dysfunctional family behavior that I grew up in affected me deeply and about 18 months ago I joined a support group for ACOAs. I have learned a lot about myself and have begun to heal with help from this group. (That community is officially known as ACA)
I also began to look at the stress within my "sexless marriage". And, I started reading a website support group for similar relationships. Some of that reading ultimately led me to NoFap.
I have decided to try again to "re-new" my relationship with my spouse. We have begun talking honestly with each other to a greater degree than we had in many years. So, I am beginning a "NoFap" journey to reset my brain and my sexual response with the ultimate hope of rejuvenating an intimate life with my spouse. I have told her about this effort of mine. I see the challenge and difficulties ahead but, I am hopeful that with the help of this community, I can heal and begin again.
