New to this

That is a good question to ask. You will get a lot of different responses to your thread but everyone will have their own strength, hope, and experience.
Even face-to-face groups have different answers. SA only considers sobriety sex with someone your married to. SLAA has a more liberal definition for sobriety.
The bottom line, you should get a sponsor, someone who has worked the steps, has at least one year of PMO sobriety, and has worked the steps. Someone who is working a program that you like and get that person to help you. For this question, asking ten different people will get you ten different answers. God bless.

 

You should be honestly with your SO and tell them, yes it will hurt them. But you can not build a strong healthy relationship on lies. Your SO can also offer you support in this struggle, having to hide what you are going through will just make things harder.
Sex during a reboot is a personal choice, some do some don't. There is no one right way. A hard reboot (no sex) may help you heal faster though. My bf and I didn't do a hard reboot when he quit PM but we are doing one now, 30 days. We are hoping this helps with his DE. You need to figure out what is best and works for you.

 

Your partner should know. If they don’t know now, they will find out. Better it comes from you.

I reccomend a 60-90 day window of celibacy. Give yourself the chance to reboot. In the process you are going to realize just how deep the problems lie, which also gives you the chance to address them appropriately.

Finally, get qualified help.

Best of luck to you.