Hi guys I'm new-ish here. Been trying to reboot for a while, but this is my first posting. I never really planned on posting but after monitoring and assesing my previous reboot attempts I really need to reach out for help and support. I'm going to take a look at the accountability partner and groups section after i post this, but i'm hoping some people can offer me helpful advice or support on what to do.
So first off a little bit about myself, I'm a 19 year old male. I love learning and studying new things and I love bettering myself, i want to be the best most evolved version of myself. I'm a 5 time regional champion in hammer throw, 2 time in javelin and 1 time in discus. Although i only train for hammer throw and my goal is to go to the olympics with my hammer throw. I love training and going to the gym. I am also a freelance web developer, which is currently my 'job'(if you want to call it that? I tend not to call it that because I love it so I never consider it work) I like reading and listening to audiobooks lots, mostly educational. I'm also currently studying massage therapy. Also I am vegan, i believe in respecting all living beings. If there was only one life goal I could choose, it would be to show everyone what they are truly capable of. Sorry for the huge introduction about myself just thought it might be a cool way to get to know some similar people on here.
So I have tried rebooting multiple times, at one point i thought i had rebooted. I didnt watch porn for over 2 months. However I did masturbate and during the second month I started reading erotica stories, which... led back to porn :/ I've niw realised even the first month I was still vizualising pornographic scenarios whilst masturbating. I finally decided about two weeks ago to create an account on here, I set up my counter and well it has made it very apparent how severe my addiction to porn, masturbation and orgasm actually are. The first time round I barely manage 7 days. The second time I managed only 3 days. Both relapses have been pretty bad and resulted in multiple pmo sessions because of the chaser effect. Now it's the second relapse after which I am writing this right now and it has really made me realise how bad my addiction actually is. Why? because well this relapse was bad, it wasnt just to porn, but too transexual porn which i have no problem with except that I don't enjoy it and in all honesty I feel disgusting watching. But that's sort of what the turn on is. I am honestly frightened because I really don't know who I am when I'm pmo'ing because i become a totally different person and it upsets and I'm worried if i don't sort this it's going to ruin my life. Normally I am strong will'd and committed. But pmo'ing as i said makes me totally different, I pursue things that disgust and frighten me and things theactual aware me does not want to do or be involved in. I wrote this nearly crying because I am truly afraid of how this could affect me and how i feel somewhat powerless over pmo'ing even though I know I'm not and i will conquer this evenif i fail a thousand times first( I would say a hundred but I think I've already passed that, lol 100 lessons right?)
I plan on making a journal of my progress on here and showing my journey and improvements and keeping it as real as possible. I will probably do either weekly or monthly updates plus posting any time i relapse and my evaluation of what steps I am going to take next time to avoid making the same mistake.
Thank you dearly to anyone who responds to this and I wish everyone a happy life and a succesful reboot. Also please tell me a bit about yourself in your reply an dyour story as too why you are rebooting would be super cool to get to know some of you on here!
So first off a little bit about myself, I'm a 19 year old male. I love learning and studying new things and I love bettering myself, i want to be the best most evolved version of myself. I'm a 5 time regional champion in hammer throw, 2 time in javelin and 1 time in discus. Although i only train for hammer throw and my goal is to go to the olympics with my hammer throw. I love training and going to the gym. I am also a freelance web developer, which is currently my 'job'(if you want to call it that? I tend not to call it that because I love it so I never consider it work) I like reading and listening to audiobooks lots, mostly educational. I'm also currently studying massage therapy. Also I am vegan, i believe in respecting all living beings. If there was only one life goal I could choose, it would be to show everyone what they are truly capable of. Sorry for the huge introduction about myself just thought it might be a cool way to get to know some similar people on here.
So I have tried rebooting multiple times, at one point i thought i had rebooted. I didnt watch porn for over 2 months. However I did masturbate and during the second month I started reading erotica stories, which... led back to porn :/ I've niw realised even the first month I was still vizualising pornographic scenarios whilst masturbating. I finally decided about two weeks ago to create an account on here, I set up my counter and well it has made it very apparent how severe my addiction to porn, masturbation and orgasm actually are. The first time round I barely manage 7 days. The second time I managed only 3 days. Both relapses have been pretty bad and resulted in multiple pmo sessions because of the chaser effect. Now it's the second relapse after which I am writing this right now and it has really made me realise how bad my addiction actually is. Why? because well this relapse was bad, it wasnt just to porn, but too transexual porn which i have no problem with except that I don't enjoy it and in all honesty I feel disgusting watching. But that's sort of what the turn on is. I am honestly frightened because I really don't know who I am when I'm pmo'ing because i become a totally different person and it upsets and I'm worried if i don't sort this it's going to ruin my life. Normally I am strong will'd and committed. But pmo'ing as i said makes me totally different, I pursue things that disgust and frighten me and things theactual aware me does not want to do or be involved in. I wrote this nearly crying because I am truly afraid of how this could affect me and how i feel somewhat powerless over pmo'ing even though I know I'm not and i will conquer this evenif i fail a thousand times first( I would say a hundred but I think I've already passed that, lol 100 lessons right?)
I plan on making a journal of my progress on here and showing my journey and improvements and keeping it as real as possible. I will probably do either weekly or monthly updates plus posting any time i relapse and my evaluation of what steps I am going to take next time to avoid making the same mistake.
Thank you dearly to anyone who responds to this and I wish everyone a happy life and a succesful reboot. Also please tell me a bit about yourself in your reply an dyour story as too why you are rebooting would be super cool to get to know some of you on here!
