Newbie Catholic, on Day 0!

Greetings to you all in Christ, especially those of you who are Christian. If not, greetings nonetheless! I come here at 10:30 at night in desperation after this morning I was very close to suicidal and had a porn incident this evening.

I am a 16-year old male. I've been using porn since I knew it existed... somewhere around the age of 9 or 10, when Santa first got me a Kobo (cue the unnecessary arguing about Santa's existence lol). I used it to satisfy my foot fetish and my torture fetish.

A few years ago, I found out one night, after trying to search for new ways to masturbate, that it in fact was a sin in the eyes of the Catholic Church. I've been a committed Catholic all my life and the amount of guilt this caused was unbelievable. I started a routine of going to confession once a week or more (which caused ridiculous scrupulosity, and, more importantly, didn't do anything to help me stop, though a great gift in itself). At the request of my spiritual director, I was invested in the Brown Scapular of Our Lady of Mount Carmel this past summer. Wearing it has actually helped me get through longer periods of time, but not much. I try to pray a Rosary every day as well.

More discouragement stems from the fact that I would one day like to become a Catholic priest, but in all of this it will be impossible for me to be accepted to any seminary, let alone be ordained. The last thing I want is to end up like the priests who have been caught abusing children.

Today is Day 0, as the title clearly suggests. I don't know what my parameters are going to be, but for now, I'm going to try at least a week. I've been able to do it before, although not often. That will slowly and surely expand. I will need all your support, and please pray for me if you are religious. I would appreciate it.

Thanks so much!

P. S. Sorry if you don't understand all of the faith stuff, I know it's very loud in this intro but I felt it was necessary to include it all.