Newbie introduction: "Family guy" plagued by guilt and shame for years

Believe85

Believe85

Fapstronaut
Beautiful wife. Good sex life. Great kids. Involved in church. Connected to real friends I confess my sins to, including porn use. I'm the model of a Christian guy who has it together, right?

WRONG

Get dirty, confess, rinse, wash, feel clean, resolve. Get dirty, confess, rinse ...

You get the idea.

Why do I continue to do this? What are my triggers?

Why can't I seem to stop?

Take it from me. This gets really old after a decade or two!

What I like about this NoFAP thing so far is 1) the more scientific approach that addresses what porn does to the brain and how to reboot. I find the Christian approach tends to treat this almost entirely as a moral failure, a lack of will, faith, etc. while ignoring some of the neuroscience, etc. 2) the online community, which I really haven't gotten into yet but would like to 3) the encouragement to post daily on where I am at with my 90-day challenge, which began December 31. 4) the welcoming spirit to people like me with a faith perspective but also a wide net that attracts others.

Today's challenge: I was just online at home on my Mac looking at a golf site and the last item offered their unexpected "gallery of the week" with golf babes. Boy, was I tempted to go there and check it out. But I didn't.

Question: how the heck do you post on this forum? All I can see is a "post reply," not a "post button." Found this under newbie section of usage guide. Posting in these forums is not intuitive. I'm frustrated.

How does the badger register 10 days, 12 days or whatever? I filled out the form but it doesn't always show up/
 
Christian guy, similar issues. Guess we are all here with similar issues, aren't we? I feel the issue has biochemical roots especially with the dopamine connection. All I can say is make it a personal conviction to go for 90 days. It's been 15 days for me. You can do it.
 
Welcome Randy! We're all excited that you've found NoFap and are joining our community.

I really like what you said about NoFap taking a scientific approach, whereas Christianity puts most of the emphasis on free will. Who knows how it actually works, but in all likelihood, an approach that incorporates both theories is likely best. Personally, when I've had success, it's by at first approaching the problem from an almost entirely scientific perspective. I don't trust my mind or my will when the going gets tough. Instead, you could say I use my mind and my will to control my environment (very scientific approach) to make relapsing less probable. Once I have a good bit of celibacy under my belt and the urges are significantly reduced, than it seems my will is more up to the task. I think initially it is just too overwhelmed.

So here's what I suggest: start by identifying your antecedents. Antecedents are the things that come before a given behavior. For example, the antecedent you mentioned in your post was checking out the, "gallery of the week" (or you could go a bit further back and say your time on the golfing website. By the way, good for you for not going back! That is no easy task and it sounds like you have a lot of skills already that will help you out.) In the future, you can either prepare yourself mentally before clicking this link, or avoid it all together. This I'm sure was a unique and not too common example, but it'll give you an idea. Also, consider what time of day do you watch porn. Since you're married and have a family, I imagine you have to plan around these things. These are all antecedents that can be modified to really help you out. For example, one antecedent could be that you watch porn in the period of time in-between when you arrive home and when your wife and kids arrive home. If this is the case, then work on developing a new routine. Decide that that time will be time when you exercise, or call your mom/best friend, do dishes, etc. Find something that is incompatible with watching porn. Identifying your antecedents can be really helpful and effective as you learn to modify your behavior by controlling your environment.

I hope that's helpful.

Welcome, and best of luck.
 
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