Newbie introduction - My gay story (long)

I've always known I was addicted to both masturbation and porn. Ever since finding porn mags under my brother's bed or passing by the stands at the stores, I couldn't resist sneaking a peak. When my parents wired up our home to the internet when I was 13 I thought it was brilliant. Every day since then, except for a few two week periods on holiday I have masturbated over porn.

In my teens and early 20's (when you'd think gay man would be most active), I would always play the passive role because I could never perform. Even with another partner, who I'd often find via the internet, I always had to finish myself off. I thought this was strange, but justified my behaviour with a bad attitude. "That's just me. So you can like it or leave it."

Two months ago I broke up with my partner of two years. Despite him asking, I did not stop masturbating during that time. Since the breakup I've tried being social and meeting new people, only to feel inadequate, inferior and unworthy. Can't help but think it's related to the shame at losing control over my own body. The stress and increased porn consumption has also left me with more ED than ever, recently making me stay partially soft even when I finish.

Something's different now. Before I used to think this was fine. But now, I can't do this anymore. I'm 24 years old now going on 25. After a decade+ of doing this, my mind, body and spirit crave for more than images on a glowing screen. I've always thought something's holding me back from a great life, and maybe this is it. I want to experience life as it was meant to be. Without half blind, foggy vision. And I don't want to be afraid of the world anymore.

My 25th birthday is coming up next month and being free from this is the one and only present I want to give myself. I hope by joining this forum and posting my raw (and long) story, I can start again on the right path. I've let porn ruin my life so far. I won't let it ruin the rest of it. So here's to the start of my NoFap journey.

Thanks for reading!

 

Thanks Alito!