Newbie - My Journey

Hi all,

I really think I need some help here! I NEED TO STOP COMPLETELY - but it is hard to do this alone.

Let me tell you a little history. I first heard of masturbation in high school, other guys in the class were talking about it, so I thought i'll go home and try it. BIG MISTAKE.
I wish I never ever picked up this bad habit.

I started with just pictures of topless women, that was enough to arouse me at the time. Ever since that day I masturbated quite regularly almost everyday for about 12 years now. Sometimes I would have a few days in between, but generally I would Fap most days. Sometimes it would be once a day, sometimes more than once in a day.

Overtime as i'm sure most people on this site are aware, I needed more and more stimulation, I found myself sitting in front of a computer screen for hours just to find that right video to let it go to.

Here's what I learnt: every time it was over, I always felt bad. I just felt depressed, and felt like I had wasted my time. On some occasions I would really dislike life and feel like it was a pointless place to be. Anytime it was over I would tell myself NO MORE and promise myself I wouldn't do it again. I knew how it made me feel and I didn't want to feel like that again. The problem was, that feeling of quitting wouldn't last long until the next time I had the urge.

I would first tell myself, I know the consequences so I shouldn't do it, but I still found myself doing it.

It's a cycle of highs and lows, instant gratification/excitement followed by a massive low.

This has been happening to me most days for so many years now.
I started to notice my appearance changing, my skin was always breaking out, my hair started to turn grey - overall my youthful vitality was being lost slowly. This addiction is sucking the life out of me. I started to feel very unwell, almost every week I have a cold, I have little energy, no passion for life, and hardly feel like achieving anything.

So I started to look for help. Where do most people go when they want an answer: GOOGLE. I found this site, and thought it was cool that there were others who had the same realisation and issues I have had.

I started to learn about this addiction, and decided to stop, as I have done so many times before but this time I was determined I would make a change. I managed to abstain for 14 days.

After about the 10th day, I felt like I had so much sexual energy, my skin looked clearer, I had more confidence and was really awake. I loved the feeling, but I was starting to become hornier by the day. Eventually I relapsed on the 14th day, TODAY! and now I'm writing this. I immediately felt so down! So depressed. I've realised this isn't going to be easy, but i've tasted what the results could be like.

Guys, please help.

I don't want to be trapped in this cycle anymore, I want it gone forever.