Newbie stressed out in life, but hoping this helps (35/m)

This is my first post on the forum, but I've been following goings on her, on the NoFap subreddit, and other places as I try to get some insight into myself and my problems.

I'll keep my story brief- I started masturbating as a normal 11-year-old kid (maybe an early bloomer), didn't do porn until 16 really, and didn't lose my v-card until 21. I have never had long relationships (longest lasting 4 months), and during the longer relationships, I was with women who were quite unnecessarily and perhaps unknowingly cruel, and I was made to feel like a piece of crap all too often; I admit to knowing that I had a roll in allowing that to happen, and I'm not perfect by any means. Body issues kept me from feeling like I could do better; I figured that any woman who stooped to dating me would hold any extra weight against me in one way or another. So once my career took off around ages 29-30, I stopped dating and started working long hours. And PMOed a lot. I didn't have time for a relationship. Here it is years later, and I cannot get or maintain an erection from sexual contact with a woman to whom I am attracted.

I've finally found a girl who lusts for me (which is intoxicating) and I can't get it to work. I admitted this issue to her, and after the second time we fooled around (which was fun in spite of my non-functionality). realizing I could not penetrate her, I found NoFap, and immediately began abstention from PMO, and I've been successful so far at having no PMO.

I do feel a lot better, although independently of all of this, my work stress has increased, and I do feel the strain from being in a relationship where I am not able to actually perform.

I don't like that this beautiful girl is dating a guy she can't get off, no matter how hard she tries. She literally booty-called me last night and commuted over to me just to rock my world, and after 12 days of no PMO, I could maintain an erection for about 2 minutes before I lost it. I saved the day because I reassured her that I am trying to heal from my self-abuse, and that she should know that in order to try to make myself function, I am abstaining from PMO pleasure and only permitting myself any physical release which she provides me so that when it finally happens, it will be because of her and her only. I think that helped frame it: "As part of my healing, I won't cum at all, so that when I finally do, it will be because you made me cum." Framed as fidelity, I think she is less frustrated by it. I'm still trying to work my magic on her (oral, fingering), and she appreciates it, but she definitely feels badly for me knowing that I haven't come close to release since we started messing around.

So in summary: I'm 12 days into rebooting in soft mode (so to speak), and I am desperately trying to keep from losing an awesome girl due to PIED. Any advice?