Newbie stressed out in life, but hoping this helps (35/m)

Discussion in 'New to NoFap' started by DoctorG, Jul 9, 2015.

  1. DoctorG

    DoctorG New Fapstronaut

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    This is my first post on the forum, but I've been following goings on her, on the NoFap subreddit, and other places as I try to get some insight into myself and my problems.

    I'll keep my story brief- I started masturbating as a normal 11-year-old kid (maybe an early bloomer), didn't do porn until 16 really, and didn't lose my v-card until 21. I have never had long relationships (longest lasting 4 months), and during the longer relationships, I was with women who were quite unnecessarily and perhaps unknowingly cruel, and I was made to feel like a piece of crap all too often; I admit to knowing that I had a roll in allowing that to happen, and I'm not perfect by any means. Body issues kept me from feeling like I could do better; I figured that any woman who stooped to dating me would hold any extra weight against me in one way or another. So once my career took off around ages 29-30, I stopped dating and started working long hours. And PMOed a lot. I didn't have time for a relationship. Here it is years later, and I cannot get or maintain an erection from sexual contact with a woman to whom I am attracted.

    I've finally found a girl who lusts for me (which is intoxicating) and I can't get it to work. I admitted this issue to her, and after the second time we fooled around (which was fun in spite of my non-functionality). realizing I could not penetrate her, I found NoFap, and immediately began abstention from PMO, and I've been successful so far at having no PMO.

    I do feel a lot better, although independently of all of this, my work stress has increased, and I do feel the strain from being in a relationship where I am not able to actually perform.

    I don't like that this beautiful girl is dating a guy she can't get off, no matter how hard she tries. She literally booty-called me last night and commuted over to me just to rock my world, and after 12 days of no PMO, I could maintain an erection for about 2 minutes before I lost it. I saved the day because I reassured her that I am trying to heal from my self-abuse, and that she should know that in order to try to make myself function, I am abstaining from PMO pleasure and only permitting myself any physical release which she provides me so that when it finally happens, it will be because of her and her only. I think that helped frame it: "As part of my healing, I won't cum at all, so that when I finally do, it will be because you made me cum." Framed as fidelity, I think she is less frustrated by it. I'm still trying to work my magic on her (oral, fingering), and she appreciates it, but she definitely feels badly for me knowing that I haven't come close to release since we started messing around.

    So in summary: I'm 12 days into rebooting in soft mode (so to speak), and I am desperately trying to keep from losing an awesome girl due to PIED. Any advice?
     
  2. Septimus

    Septimus Fapstronaut

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    I'm not sure what advice to give about ED, but for PMO, read, learn, and talk to others here so you don't feel alone. I want to welcome you.
     
  3. Knight Solaire

    Knight Solaire Fapstronaut

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    I would definitely start doing research as Septimus mentions. When I started nofap, I could never come from oral, her on top, or hand jobs. Now it is very easy and sex feels so much more intimate. I want you to know that it might be awhile (maybe a month, maybe two) before you see any major changes, but if you can hang on, if she can, you will have the best sex of your life.

    Let me know if you have any questions. Pm if you ever need to talk.
     
    LookinUp likes this.
  4. Tassleh0ff

    Tassleh0ff Fapstronaut

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    Hi there DoctorG. I just want to say there is no shame in using ED medication like Viagra in the short term while you work on your addiction. I think you should consider it as an option. That said, congrats on making the decision to beat this thing. Don't let the stress get you down- make sure you find new outlets to relieve your stress now that you are a fapstronaut!
     
  5. Knight Solaire

    Knight Solaire Fapstronaut

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    The only thing about Viagra and such (and I'm not attacking you at all @Tassleh0ff) is that you wouldn't ever really know when you were getting better with your ED or just getting hard from the pills.

    My suggestion is fight through it. You will be much happier when you can actually see the progress much more clearly and it will help motivate you to do great. Good luck buddy
     
  6. Tassleh0ff

    Tassleh0ff Fapstronaut

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    That's a good point I hadn't thought of, sunbro, I just thought medication could be a good tool for "emergency" situations like the booty call example above.
     

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