Nextians Journal

Day 188

It passed finally haha, the good part is I lost 2kg. :) A lot to do for me today, several meetings housekeeping is on the menu, I get a new haircut and need to get some stuff from the city. One of these days where I wish for a 30h day, but hey - I can only do so much. :)

2 days until I get my wife back! It's about damn time. I miss her so badly.

Things I am thankful for today:
2 days left!
Great sleep
Motivation

Things I hope for today:
Get everything done on my agenda (time wise haha)
Weather gets warmer (-6 degrees...)
Haircut will look grand

Have a good day everybody!
 
Day 190

I have her back! Finally! Some life in the flat again :) Missed her so badly.

Short post today, no plans for the weekend this does only belong to us!

Things I am thankful for today:
Having my wife back at my side
Having my wife back at my side
And having my wife back at my side

Things I hope for today:
Kisses
Cuddles
Being close

Have a good day everybody!
 
Day 191

We are heading to a piano concert tonight, not my kind of concert though but the friend who wanted to come with her is sick and I am jumping in so she doesn't have to go alone. We will have fun for sure!

Other than that it seems that I begin sabotaging myself again with little things like my routines. Posting here daily, brain jogging and reading - not to much to do really, but since my wife is on vacation I haven't put too much effort into keeping my 'streak' up. In fact that hasn't been my priority but a necessity I needed to do, which is bullshit. How long does it take to make something you do for yourself a fixed routine? I need to get my shit together again and attack.
Therapist said that it takes a long time to build up something like this, but it's depending on different things if it's ever going to be a automatic habit.

Things I am thankful for today:
Thoughtful morning
Seeing my wife sleeping beside me
Weather gets warmer

Things I hope for today:
Good evening in the piano hall
Good mood
Being close to my wife

Have a good day everybody!
 
Day 192

Piano concert was nice, just not my type of music. Usually when I am at a concert cups of beer are flying over the crowd everything is loud and the floor is sticky. Yesterday I was short before asking when the main act comes... Anyhow, my wife had fun and a magical night. That's what I wanted from the evening!

We are going for brunch today! A place where we haven't been for quite some time (at least for brunch haha). Maybe I can sneak a massage for my partner into the day, let's see. :)

Things I am thankful for today:
Great weather
My wife looking gorgeous
Privilege to live in a wealthy country

Have a good day everybody!
 
Day 193

We went for brunch yesterday and had a good time together. We played games and cuddled on the couch.

Next therapy session today! Trying to get rid of my manipulative self. After therapy I think I will hit the gym, maybe wifey will join me.

Things I am thankful for today:
Good sleep
Not too cold still
Therapy!

Things I hope for today:
A good session in the afternoon
Gym will be good
My wife being okay

Have a good day everybody!
 
Day 194

Have been in the office today. Good to check in from time to time to get that sense of working in an office back. :)

Was in the Gym yesterday - terribly sore today haha. Therapy session was good, spoke about sexual attraction and keeping my promises to not act out and how I am doing. It really gets difficult from time to time, not in terms of acting out in terms of being horny almost all the time! Funny enough there are no thoughts about M at all - only here in the forum when I am thinking about why I journal.

My therapist said as well, that I should concentrate on one bullet and really mean it instead of trying to believe that I am thankful for coffee for example - so I am changing my pattern from 3 things I am thankful for and hope for to only 1:

Today I am thankful for:
Getting compliments for my look from my wife. It fills me with joy and it feels like I grow a cm as soon as I hear that from her.

Today I hope for:
That the boyfriend of my wife's bestie gets his shit together and see what he has in his girlfriend!

Have a good day everybody!
 
Day 195

What a day that was yesterday! Work, then a spontaneous visit to the dentist, getting new glasses ordered for me (incl. a test for my vision), we have been given cinnamon rolls for cheap from 2 girls who couldn't eat them as they had tickets for the cinema, went to the best friend of my wife to bring her cinnamon rolls as nobody loves them as much as she does, had my best man on the phone as his GF broke up with him (fckn c*nt, sorry) and trying to find the right words as he really had a rough couple of months.

We haven't been doing anything for ourselves yesterday, we sat exhausted as hell on our balcony and talked about a few things from other relationships and how glad and proud we are that we turned ours upside down again.

Going for groceries today and to my mum's in the evening.

Today I am thankful for:
We cuddled as we fell asleep yesterday and woke up cuddling still (or again, who knows really haha). This felt very warm and safe and I don't want to miss any opportunity to cuddle with my wife ever again!

Today I hope for:
My mums feelings are okay. She is one of the 2 persons taking care about her best friend with pancreatic cancer (chemo started, not too bad yet).

Have a good day everybody!
 
Day 196

We had a fun evening and one of the worst pizza I have ever eaten haha. But mum is alright, she does an amazing job in being there for her best friend. This is what it will look like in the future for me and my wife as well with me as a caregiver - it made me proud to see and hear how she copes with the situation.

Today I am thankful for:
How my wife and my mother connected in the past 6 years. I melt as soon as I see how much my wife is loved by my mother and likewise. Makes me humble and so so proud.

Today I hope for:
That I can concentrate on a task at work I have been pushing around for quite some time. Now I figured out how to do (partly haha) and will get my hands dirty.

Have a good day everybody!
 
Day 197

Chill day today, not too much work and a gaming evening for us with friends.

Daylies are going good again which is great.

Today I am thankful for:
My wife and I reconnected so good and she said yesterday that we are quite at where we were a while ago when everything was fine again. Makes me proud of what I have accomplished in terms of mindset change within me.

Today I hope for:
A good trip to our gaming night and a good time ahead.

Have a good day everybody!
 
Just read the beginning of your thread and then read the end - looks like to made a fantastic transition so congrats.
Winning.
It can be done.
:)
 
Semaphore said:
Just read the beginning of your thread and then read the end - looks like to made a fantastic transition so congrats.
Winning.
It can be done.
:)
Click to expand...
Thank you! I really appreciate it :) Indeed I have been going through a change, a good one, and I am very proud of it. It's the best feeling to check out where I started about 6 month ago.
 
Day 198

We had a blast this evening, a lot of laughter and a great time with people I love wholeheartedly.

Because of my journey (I assume) it is easier for me now to get up in the morning or to go to the gym which has been a pain every time. It's nice to see in which aspects the change has happened and manifest the good things about it.

Today I am thankful for:
Wife and I went for breakfast spontaneously and it was wonderful - absolutely hilarious situations happened in which we both just laughed and laughed. That was beautiful :)

Today I hope for:
A great evening with my gorgeous wife and some physical touch :)

Have a good day everybody!
 
Day 199

Currently everyday is good - 180° turn from where I was in November last year. I can feel joy instead of sadness again which I am very thankful for.

We are going on a 'date' today (Part of our ABC Dating) - hope all goes well and we have fun!

Today I am thankful for:
My wife gets comfortable again being naked when I am around. This is great :) She is damn hot and looks stunning - no matter if she has clothes on or not.

Today I hope for:
A good day with my wife.

Have a good day everybody!
 
Day 200

We had a blast yesterday! Complete success :)
Exited on the next weekend already. My wife is on a game show, gaming evening with friends coming up and we have dancing lessons again! Whoop!

Will have plenty of stuff to do at work in the upcoming weeks - I participate in a long course for low code environments.

Today I am thankful for:
I am thankful for where I live, very much in the nature - you barely hear traffic occasionally, but woodpeckers pecking and birds chirping away. We saw 3 shooting stars yesterday in 10 minutes which is always special to see in my opinion as the light pollution is so high close to cities.

Today I hope for:
Learning a good chunk of the low code environment for the course I participate in.

Have a good day everybody!
 
Day 201

Office day today! And therapy day today! And a small household day today! An 'a lot to do today' today haha

Today I am thankful for:
That I can bite into stuff that I really want. Normally I struggle with showing some signs of hyperfocus ADHD, but I currently really cope good with it - I am thankful for that.

Today I hope for:
A good productive day overall and that my wife's dentist appointment will be not too bad.

Have a good day everybody!
 
Day 202

Short one! We went to a show this evening and it was awesome :) We saw a magician and a ventriloquist, so cool.

I am thankful for my wife speaking openly about how she feels and giving me feedback on actions or stuff I do or ask.

I hope for a good amount of sleep today. Haven't got enough last night. Time to catch up haha.

Have a good day everybody!
 
You must log in or register to reply here.
Back
Top