Nice guys finish last

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Erick Pastora, Feb 7, 2018.

  1. Erick Pastora

    Erick Pastora Fapstronaut

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    Hey guys, I have been writing some threads that a lot are finding useful, and I really want to post this because it's something that makes me so mad which is the phrase: "Nice guys finish last". You can check other posts here:

    Social anxiety: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/the-harsh-truth-about-social-anxiety.153354/
    Approaching women: https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/this-will-help-you-a-lot.153742/

    Now, back to the main topic, the reason that phrase makes me so mad is because it's not true, it's just an excuse. An excurse for what? For not taking action, for being afraid, for not leaving your comfort zone, and mostly to say it's not your fault you're single. We've all heard someone say that girls have been ruined for nice guys by jerks. It's not 100% false, but it's no excuse for you not to take action. Hot or pretty girls get hitted by jerks a thousand times and they do get sick of THOSE guys, which is why they tend to be a little more reserved or suspicious of the next guy in line. She is not unavailable, she is just testing if you're one of the many. If you're not a jerk, you DO have a chance being a nice guy.

    The reason most guys think that phrase is true is because it's easier to blame women or other men, rather than blame themselves for not taking action, for not having game, for being single.. The truth is, it's not being nice what prevents you from having game, because there's a lot of nice guys out there that have game. The reason there are jerks who got game is because if you're one you're provoking a feeling inside the girl, although a lot of people may hate you, you're gonna be loved by someone too. On the other side, if you're being the nice guy you're awakening no feelings, which is why they don't love or hate you, they just like you like a friend.

    I've come down to a list of 6 reasons I think nice guys don't have game and end up using that phrase to blame the world instead of themselves:

    1. Inability to take action
    This is something I talked about in the thread about approaching women. This is because of two main reasons: overthinking and putting all your eggs in a basket. Overthinkers can't take action and talk to pretty ladies because they think of all the bad scenarios that could happen and stress themselves about things that haven't happened yet. They usually imagine how the girl is going to react (usually a bad way) and they decide not to instead, but how do you know the way she's gonna react if you don't know a freaking thing about her? Psychologists suggest that when you imagine how other people think you're just projecting all of your bad attitudes in them, so you're not actually thinking how she may react, but you're thinking of how YOU would react being in her position. Putting all your eggs in one basket is putting yourself up to disappointment, because you don't know the girl and if you're thinking she's perfect or she is your only target, you don't want any other girl just her... You don't take action because you know if she rejects you, you won't be able to accept it.
    My advice: turn off your mind. For real guys don't set yourself up for dissapointment, act and see what happens. Imagine you see this girl daily and you have talked to her a couple of times and she's been nice, then you start imagining how your life would be with her and then you don't want to ask her out or anything like that because you're afraid she might say no because you're already thinking about loving her when you have barely spoken to her!

    2. Inability to be straightforward
    This is a very good reason. You see, we guys are idiots. We think that because you like the girl she'll know you like her and will fall in love with you. Most guys like to play it slow, to the point where girls get bored of them because they never let out their true intentions and play stupid mind games that don't work.
    My advice: you see a girl you like, go talk to her and if it goes well ask her out right away. Many guys really don't realize how girls love that you have balls enough to show your true intentions and ask them out. Let her know (without saying it, obviously) that you're a guy with a penis that knows what he wants and you're confident enough to go find more girls if she rejects you, you must come from a position from abundance.

    3. Inability to accept rejection
    If you don't ever want to be rejected by girls here's the advice: don't approach them, don't leave your house, never try to get game. If you're reading this post, I'm guessing you've been friendzoned and even though you are the nicest man in the world you can't explain to yourself why she only sees you as a friend. This friend of mine always seemed to me as a ladies man, he always talked about sex and that kinda stuff. One day I asked him his magic number and he said 5. He only had been with 5 women and he is in all truth an attractive guy. The thing is, no one, absolutely NO ONE gets 0 rejections, you have to be able to accept rejection. Not overthinking and not putting all your eggs in one basket actually helps you to avoid taking rejection as something personal. Girls don't have to like you just because you approach them and it's not personal because they don't know you. Think about this: of all the girls you know, how many do you like? Say you know 50 women and you would have sex with 30 of them and you'll want to be in a relationship with 6 of them. Ok, so if you can choose which kind of girls you like, why can't girls?
    My advice: accept the fact that being nice isn't the only reason a girl would like you or not, accept the fact that you have more traits than just being nice, and accept the fact that girls can pick who they want to date as much as you can.

    4. Inability to see the big picture
    I wanted to have the stats of my city to see how many fish were actually in the sea, just were I live. It turns out there's at least 300,000 women my age in my city. I don't think I even know 200 of them. This is connected with rejection, which means if you're rejected by one girl, there's 299,999 others you can try to get with. Rejection by one girl isn't the end of the world, keep trying and you'll find what you're looking for.
    My advice: pretty obvious, isn't it? Come from a position from abundance, that girl isn't the only girl in the world.

    5. Being too nice
    This is the only reason I can think of why girls reject you because of being nice. There's nice and too nice. If the girl you like asks you for anything and you get her anything she wants and always compliment her, you always put a smile and never say anything not nice, she probably won't like you. The reason is, if you're too nice and please every single one of her wishes, you're putting yourself beneath her (and not in a good sexual way). The reason is, if you always try to be nice you're just pretending to be something you're not, she won't see the real side of you. That other side outside of being happy, the one where you have a life outside her, the one where you're not always available, the one where you're not hers to play with. If you're too nice means you basically don't respect yourself as much as you respect her, which is why it's unattractive.
    My advice: don't start being a jerk instead of being too nice. One of the things that makes a relationship work is that both parties have self respect and love for themselves that they don't have to be codependent of the other. Give yourself a place, don't filter your words so you always say something nice, be real, tease her or criticize her without being a jerk. Be nice in the way of being a charming gentleman but don't be her bitch.

    6. Believing that the perfect girl will just show up
    If there's any Batman fan out there, I know you'll love this quote from Harvey Dent: "You make your own luck". I believe that luck doesn't come from sitting out and doing nothing while the universe does all the work and it puts the girl of your dreams right in front of you and she's madly in love with you. Luck comes from effort, you don't even have to call it luck, call it prize or reward for all your efforts in having game, in approaching girls even if you're afraid, in getting back out there if it doesn't work with one girl, etc.
    My advice: go out there, try all of the things you've just learned, get turned down sometimes and always keep trying. You'll eventually be able to see the big picture.

    Hope this helps you, good luck to all of you!
     
    Last edited: Feb 7, 2018
  2. Truegamer007

    Truegamer007 Fapstronaut

    This is great! Thanks a lot!
     
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  3. Thank you once again for sharing your knowledge and wisdom. Since my teenage I have been waiting for the "perfect girl who will appears from nowhere and fall in love with me". Well this lady never showed up, and I face now the hard truth. I need to learn this thing or I'll be forever alone.
     
    Erick Pastora likes this.
  4. Optimist85

    Optimist85 Fapstronaut

    Hi Erick. Thanks for your post. I completely agree with you, that the main problem may be not taking action. Or in other words, the lack of confidence. I can tell you from my own experience that there's no problem in being a nice guy. You can have balls and still be a genuinely nice, kind and caring human being that respects women. You can still get laid a lot. The problem is rather in "wussy" behavior, which you covered in some of your bulletpoints. If you don't respect yourself, how can you expect from others to do so?
     
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  5. Erick Pastora

    Erick Pastora Fapstronaut

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    Hey, maybe she'll appear someday but how can you find her if you don't look for her? Would you expect a lion to show up at your door instead of going hunting?
     
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  6. Erick Pastora

    Erick Pastora Fapstronaut

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    Exactly, how is not taking action being nice?
     
  7. Venator89

    Venator89 New Fapstronaut

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    your posts really helping me a lot.
    I will make my first move just to leave my comfort zone.
    I don't wanna be a wussy anymore I will prove it to myself!
     
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  8. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    I’m female and this is some great advice! And yes in my younger days I was quite a catch lol and the only men ever bold enough to hit on me were jerks! People thought oh she’s got men falling at her feet but truth was I was sitting home alone and heartbroken.
     
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  9. GG2002

    GG2002 Fapstronaut

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    Don’t worry women do it too. Sit at home thinking a guy will walk right out of a hallmark movie into their home! Nope!
     
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  10. Thomas Smith

    Thomas Smith Fapstronaut

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    Fantastic advice! I wish I had read stuff like this years ago.

    Only thing I'm not thrilled about is calling guys idiots. If guys are idiots sometimes, women are downright drooling imbeciles sometimes.

    Another piece of advice: wear some decent clothes. Although not vital, I've been amazed at what wearing a simple black corduroy jacket has done for my success with women. I'm sure some of it is the confidence I have, but some of it is certainly that women like a guy that looks successful. They eat that shit up! They really do! It's like when we see a woman showing a lot of skin. I don't know why clothes help us with women, but they do - they can reach into a woman's subconscious and make her think "I'm attracted to this guy, even if I don't know why." It's weird - seeing more skin on a woman usually makes us more attracted to them, while seeing less skin (more clothes) on a man usually makes women more attracted to us.

    Still another piece of advice: WITHOUT overdoing it, have an alcoholic drink before approaching women (but clean your breath before you approach). Liquid courage can be amazing - it not only loosens you up, it makes you more confident, and perhaps most important, it softens the blow of rejection.
     
    Last edited: Feb 8, 2018
  11. Erick Pastora

    Erick Pastora Fapstronaut

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    Wow I really appreciate it coming from a woman! I know I'm no expert but I want to help this guys in any way I can because I wish someone would tell me those things instead of figuring them out by myself. Any other advice you would like to share with us? Also I would be more than gratefut if you check out this post too https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/this-will-help-you-a-lot.153742/ and tell me your thoughts! Cheers.
     
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  12. Erick Pastora

    Erick Pastora Fapstronaut

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    I hear you, something like these when we were younger could have helped us all, the good thing is that it's never too late.

    It's not a gender fight, it's just an expresion that sometimes we guys don't realize things we should.

    That's true, if you dress nice you'll be more attractive.

    Ok, this is tricky. Alcohol can help you, yes. But only in bars or clubs where it's a common situation. The thing is that for guys who don't have any game because they have emotional or social issues alcohol could be a bad idea because it creates dependence. If you need an extra boost do take a drink in social situations where everyone else is having one, but first you have to build up your sober game because you don't want to depend on any other thing than your self-esteem. Alcohol brings out the worst in people most of the time and although it may help you get through rejection you can't leave it up to that, you have to overcome your problems by yourself because it can be very easy to have some extra cocktails and then you could do something you'll regret later.
     
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  13. Thomas Smith

    Thomas Smith Fapstronaut

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    Good points.
     
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  14. Optimist85

    Optimist85 Fapstronaut

    I'd say, some people confuse not taking action as being nice. While it just means you're passive.
     
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  15. Erick Pastora

    Erick Pastora Fapstronaut

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    I found this quote that really applies to this kind of situation.
    "You'll never have that kind of relationship in a world where you're afraid to take the first step because all you see is every negative thing 10 miles down the road." from Good Will Hunting. Love that movie, hope you like it and use it.
     
  16. How true , There is a book with the title of NO MORE NICE GUY by Dr. Robert Glover on the subject It sells pretty well on amazon I own a copy myself
     
  17. elevate

    elevate Fapstronaut

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    You can be nice / caring / compassionate / gentleman and be successful.

    When people talk about nice guys finishing last it's about people who trade their self value in order to be liked. So the outcome with the woman becomes more important than their own personality / desires / intentions. They think they're not good enough and their desires are something to be ashamed of. So they act in a way that they think the other person will like them for while hiding their real intentions. That's what being creepy is all about. Creeping / maneuvering / strategizing / deceiving / manipulating your way into owning and controlling an outcome or person. They try to decode everything they say / do and all their various signals in order to determine the right time to take action. They become so invested in the woman that every little word and action becomes too big of a deal. Thus unable to take any real action. So they end up trying to be friends with them in order to buy time and hold on to access with her until their perfect opportunity presents itself. After a while, they justify that they don't want to jeopardize the friendship so they don't act on their real intentions anymore. It becomes an unrequited obsession from afar. This grey zone is a place where they never risk losing the woman, but also never go for what they want. Basically a place where nothing happens and you hold on to a fantasy.

    This is why these types of people finish last. This is why they trade their self value in order to be liked and not take any risks.

    I know plenty of people who are nice / caring / compassionate / chivalrous people, but they don't hide in shame of their intentions / desires / personality and they go for what they want no matter the outcome.

    Playing games / convincing someone who isn't interested to be with you / putting on a performance / being liked for somebody who you aren't are what a lot of people would rather do than face the possibility of rejection.

    It's not nice guys finish last.

    It's dishonest, manipulative, and cowardly guys that finish last.

    They can justify it all under the veil of love, friendship, or fear of rejection, but it's simply acting in a deceptive way to avoid facing the possibility that she's just not interested in you.
     
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  18. Truegamer007

    Truegamer007 Fapstronaut

    One of my fav YouTubers made this recently. The timing is quite a fortunate coincidence.
     
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  19. Thomas Smith

    Thomas Smith Fapstronaut

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    Guys, keep in mind that YOU have to do most of the hard work. Girls get an easy ride unfortunately. They can be cowardly and still get hit on. They can be shy and still get hit on. You as a guy though usually don't have that luxury. It isn't fair. It sucks. But it's life. And you can overcome this handicap and be successful with women!
     
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  20. Abird

    Abird Fapstronaut

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    Great post. I don't agree with all your arguments (especially point 6), but the red line is something thats very true.
     

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