Night pollution but with victory

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by Miljamá 96, Oct 11, 2020.

  1. Miljamá 96

    Miljamá 96 Fapstronaut

    Day 12 achieved!
    Today has been a very rare day and the most difficult since I started this path. At first I felt strong in my thoughts, with determination and courage. But ... certain events happened that puzzled me and I was overwhelmed, at least unconsciously. First, I went to a barbershop and the music they had was ... like ... really? The most lustful Latin music I have heard in my life and on top of it almost everyone who was there singing that crap.

    After I had an argument with one of my best friends, little by little it began to feel like the glass was almost overflowing. On the outside he seemed calm, but on the inside he was incredibly angry.

    Later in the evening I had a lot of dinner and especially pizza. I am not against pizza; What's more, it is one of my favorite foods, but on this path you have to watch your diet especially at night.

    And in the end, what happened happened ... a nocturnal broadcast. When I woke up around 2 a.m. I said, "It can't be." Out of habit, I know what I do when a nocturnal emission occurs to me. Every time something like this happens to me and I wake up, dirty thoughts attack me to PMO or MO and I was very afraid of relapsing. At first, I said: "nothing happens, keep going" because my dream was not even an erotic dream.

    My dream was kind of weird. I dreamed that I was going to the bathroom to urinate, but, in the end I felt as if I had not urinated all of it and something had stayed in my bladder. So in the dream I make the effort to urinate what is left, but the sensation was not to urinate but to ejaculate and… I woke up. The dumbest dream I've ever had in my life.

    Because of this dream, I had the biggest mental battle since I started in this recovery. I had to go to the bathroom to pour cold water on my face and neck. I was in a state where thoughts overwhelmed me, but there was a strength in me that I had never had before. It was a conviction that despite the nocturnal emission I knew that I am the one who makes the decisions, so I tried to calm myself as much as possible by breathing slowly and although it cost me a lot and I woke up so many times during the night; I did not relapse.

    I woke up tired from the battle and the nighttime broadcast but I also woke up with a feeling of victory.
    I think this is a good opportunity to continue studying Soaring Eagle's words on nocturnal emissions. Because a nocturnal emission in a healthy body nothing happens but a nocturnal emission in a body that has been addicted to PMO, only leads to further weakness and is an obstacle to restart.

    We will have to continue studying and improving ...
    Let's go for the 13th!

Share This Page