No confidence around girls

Discussion in 'Dating during a Reboot' started by Daviesmark1, Mar 12, 2017.

  1. Daviesmark1

    Daviesmark1 Fapstronaut

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    I'm 18 years old and literally have no confidence around girls. I'm pretty sure masturbating has a big part to play in this.

    In places like clubs when going out at night, some of my friends quite easily start dancing with girls and you also see people just grabbing women and trying to get them.

    I don't have the comfidence at all, I did approach one girl a few months ago and was dancing with her. This only came about because i approached a group of girls with a group of my friends so it kind of worked better. My friends went straight in for the kiss , whereas I was dancing with this girl for like 15 minutes before even thinking about that. I didn't even make a move before I find this hard to do.

    I think clubs would not be my best way of getting girls. I know a couple of people who I don't get how they got a girlfriend. One of them treats his gf shit, calls her names like " wench, hoe, bitch" all the time ... And girls like shit like this?

    And the other I know for a fact masturbates all the time ( he has admitted this before) you can also tell he does by the way he acts. He hates going out of the house and Meeting people as he'd rather be at home masturbating, he hates interacting with people at all costs and when I was friends with him he couldn't even bother with his closest friends.

    I really don't understand what girls like... They seem to go for guys who act like idiots and that don't treat them with any respect. Whereas people like me who are the "nice guys" who know how to treat people get discarded . I don't get it ahaha!

    I know I'm still young but it would still be nice to have a relationship, I haven't had a girlfriend with around 3/4 years now. This is what causes me to masturbate, I have no way of relieving sexual tension as I don't have a partner, so it's kinda inevitable that I'm going to masturabte, which I don't want to.
     
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  2. aingdk11

    aingdk11 Fapstronaut

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    good stories kid u remind me of myself and how i wasted my young time instead with real girl i prefer pmo and colecting the dvds.so yeah before i know pmo i was popular with girls even girls approaching me 1st after pmo and stuff im less sensitive with the girls even if they already give sign 1st i become more lazy go out and other stuff.so kid my advice is quit pmo every bad addiction with eat u alive soon or later.goodluck!
     
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  3. Daviesmark1

    Daviesmark1 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks for the reply, yeah I agree with your viewpoint !
     
  4. Josip

    Josip Fapstronaut

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    Same things happen to me also, we must destroy our porn wish and start socialising and things will be better i deeply believe in that.
    Keep pushing
     
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  5. Daviesmark1

    Daviesmark1 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks bro :))
     
  6. DonDraper

    DonDraper Fapstronaut

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    Confidence is not something that is innate. For some, it comes quite easily, while for others it requires a bit of practice. Start small by holding conversations with women during the day or your friends who are girls. Move slowly but develop ease in social situations. As you progress move to bars and clubs. It's all about building momentum.

    I've never really had much confidence when it comes to girls, but little by little I've been getting better. I'm at the point where I feel comfortable in a bar setting. Through time, I will start picking up women.

    Start with a pebble and build a mountain.
    ~Don Draper
     
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  7. Daviesmark1

    Daviesmark1 Fapstronaut

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    Thanks bro, good advice !
     
  8. When i joined nofap I enthusiastically read lots of topics and followed some journals from people in my age group. During that period i did quite a bit of research on how to attract women etc. it is not an easy thing to research on the web i can assure you! However i did try and followed a few tips that i found and i'm pretty sure that the person i am with now is a result of that. This is my first proper relationship and i believe that it came about from engaging in the forums here.
     
  9. vibemaker

    vibemaker Fapstronaut

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    My Journal
    Hey man,

    i recognize myself pretty much in your post. I also never understood why guys who behave like assholes got more girls then me. It's simply because some girls may think, when boys behave like this, that they don't give a shit what others think about them. And this "confidence" (which maybe actually tends more to narcissim) attracts them. But to be confident you don't have to be an asshole like maybe some of the guys you mentioned. Just stand up for yourself.

    I highly recommend you to read the books "Models" by Mark Manson and "No More Mr. Nice Guy" by Robert A. Glover. These books really helped me to understand this whole thing better.

    And we don't need to masturbate to relief sexual tension, just find something where you can use this "tension". Like a creative hobby or whatever. Or just as a motivation to get incredible good with girls.
     
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  10. TetsuoAkira

    TetsuoAkira Fapstronaut

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    Go forth to an area of your city that no one knows you and practice speaking to sales attendants in shopping malls. These people dont care about anything other than you buying things from their store, but its good practice to conversate. You must discover yourself by being social.
    The answer is: Assholes activate emotions in people, and do exactly what they want, when they want, with no apologies. The only way you can truly win an experienced girl is to learn how to make her angry, sad, happy, confused, insecure etc.

    If you have not unlocked emotion in a woman, you have nothing to banter with. If you have made a woman angry, you can flip that to passion between you, it's chemistry, it's FEELING.

    You need to learn how each woman ticks, so find out personal things about her, and then ATTACK them.

    That's all it's about really.

    Good luck.
     
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  11. Green Monstah

    Green Monstah Fapstronaut

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    First off, welcome to the right place and thanks for the post!

    Your words are so familiar. I am 26, and I have been PMO-ing (binging in the morning AND night) since I was 18. It definitely cheated me into thinking I got my fix with women. Since stopping a few months ago, I have been doing a whole lot better with women. I envy you for figuring it out at such a younger age than me!

    Ok, so maybe you aren’t the clubbing type. Neither am I! But you know what, that’s okay! =] I will do it on occasion, and I can make the best of it. Don’t be discouraged, you still can go.

    Don’t go in with expectations! If you do, and if the expectations don’t come true, you end up taking yourself seriously, and therefore you won’t have fun. Just roll with it as it comes! Last few times I went to a club. I tried to talk to this lady, and she got so hostile towards me. That’s when I made the decision to just turn around and walk away from her. I then said to myself “It doesn’t matter…” and continued to make the best of my time. I ended up having a lil bump n grind with a pretty blonde, and later I danced with an older lady for like the last two hours. I attempted to get her number, but she wouldn’t give it to me, but she gave me a hug and thanked me for a good night. See? I could have just let the mean girl ruin my night, get mad when the lady wouldn’t give me her number. In the past I would home and PMO (yes, in the past rejection did do that to me). But this time, I just kept in mind there will ALWAYS BE OTHERS, which is absolutely true! I went to a club again last night. I danced with some good looking ladies, but there was one who I ended up talking with for a very long time. I bought her a drink, and I got her number.

    “I know a couple of people who I don't get how they got a girlfriend. One of them treats his gf shit, calls her names like " wench, hoe, bitch" all the time ... And girls like shit like this?”
    - Man, if a girl likes it that you talk to her like this? She ain’t real enough for you! I friggin hate those stupid pickup lines. A guy I know says some pretty dirty and nasty things to women. I don’t know how they like it, but guess what, I DON’T CARE EITHER! If pickup lines aren’t your thing, so be it. I once tried a pickup line (wasn’t dirty) but the girl reacted in a way where I wasn’t ready for a follow-up… It was so much easier to be myself!

    So be yourself, don’t try to compare yourself to others. Do the work though! From quitting PMO to working on your confidence with women. Don’t think of it as learning how to be good with women. I bet you already have potential. You just need to work on unlocking your full and true potential with women, that you had all along! =]

    The above is a paraphrase of what I wrote in one of my threads; My take on "You'll Develop Superpowers with Women..." It's a long read, but I think you will benefit from it a lot! There is a lot of what you can take away:
    https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...ou’ll-develop-superpowers-with-women”….92632/

    Do check back here my friend! And as always, ask us anything! =]
     
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  12. Girlpower117

    Girlpower117 Fapstronaut

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    I am a girl who dates obnoxious alpha males and I wish I didn't. It's just a sad reality that a lot of us women are drawn to that. I think it has a lot to do with hormones. We are attracted to that testosterone or something. i always go for the guy who everyone is paying attention to. Another big thing is he has to be funny. Like absolutely hilarious because I love to laugh. I think nofap will really help you with your confidence. Because honestly women don't really care about looks all that much as long as you have confidence. I think the girls who date guys who call them names and stuff is a self esteem issue (I'm guilty of it) but I would not recommend being a dick. We need less guys like that and more nice guys like you.
     
  13. Green Monstah

    Green Monstah Fapstronaut

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    I am guilty of going for the ladies who treated me like shit in the past. I have went for the ladies "...who everyone is paying attention to." Ladies who I would fall too quickly and hard for, I would do a lot for them, pay for them, yet I was oblivious on their intentions...Not that I would necessarily expect anything in particular in return, well a little common courtesy or respect would be nice, but I digress... We need to live and learn, that's part of the package of this little thing we call life.

    You "wish [you] didn't date the obnoxious alpha males". It does not mean you have to continue to do so! =] Maybe go on a date with a guy who you probably thought you wouldn't have, and you never know what can happen.

    I also think that it's fine if you go for the guys that everyone pays attention to. That's not necessarily a bad thing, however, do not make it about how all the others see them. Make it about how you (and only you) see those them.

    I definitely agree that being funny is a very attractive feature to have, as well as being confident. Since starting NoFap, I have been putting myself more out there. I can actually hold a lengthy conversation with a woman, I'm no longer afraid to say "hello", I can actually get a nice lady to dance with me at the club (despite not being a clubbing type of guy), and I can also make women laugh. That last part was so awesome to figure out about myself. I absolutely love the way a lady lights up when I say something funny. So that said, I'm all for standards, and it's perfectly okay for you to have them. I am not one who has many standards, I have a few but STRICT standards.

    Take care!
     
  14. TetsuoAkira

    TetsuoAkira Fapstronaut

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    Type "Approach anxiety" into Youtube, you'll find a lot of discussions about how people learned to combat this issue.

    Not every human has a mentor for every social issue, and that's all it is, a social issue you need to combat and learn. It's nothing wrong with you personally, you are not born with the ability to navigate every situation, and neither is it worth overthinking about why you are the way you are.
     

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