No direction, no goals, numb...

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by VanillaMochi, Mar 27, 2015.

  1. VanillaMochi

    VanillaMochi Fapstronaut

    1,261
    79
    48
    Day 0.

    PMO does nothing for me. I am completely addicted.

    I have no idea why I am so self-destructive. Why I am so unmotivated. So stuck.

    I am going to set nofap.org/forum as my webpage again. I need to start reading journals again. I am just so tired of everything. I want to give up.

    I have nothing going for me right now... I feel completely lost. Numb.

    I feel like I am too old to overcome this. Too deep. Too lost. I'm fed up with everything. I'm sick of resetting my counter. I'm sick of posting in my journal.

    I am so depressed right now.

    I think I will make a new audio blog and find an AP.

    My life completely sucks. I am so low. Rock bottom. It could be worst. But it could be a lot better.

    Pray for me guys. I have lost my way.

    God help us.
     
  2. KoalaDude

    KoalaDude Fapstronaut

    117
    15
    18
    Gawd...I wish I could talk to you in person

    I see where you're coming from and I know from experience that these low places really exist.

    Man I feel for you brah.

    It's fucking hard I know, but we have to take it day by day man.
    I also relapsed yesterday, but I'm determined to make this new streak last.
    You have to get back up, because you already know there's nothing down there.

    It's ultimately the process not the end goal that makes us stronger.
    Even if I'm never free of PMO until I die, I'll partake in NoFap each time I fall.
    So start again with me, and I will pray for you.
     
    Don Gately and headedup like this.
  3. NoBrainer

    NoBrainer Distinguished Fapstronaut

    2,184
    1,735
    143
    Thinking of you over here Chicks Dig Nofap. I can sympathise with your current situation. Many of us here have hit rock bottom before we can start thinking of how to crawl out.

    I also feel it would be beneficial to speak to you in person. However, short of that- feel free to PM me if you're looking for accountability, or support in general. Also fine if you don't want to- though I think what you need right now is a big push to get you back on track. And people on nofap can provide you that push.
     
    headedup likes this.
  4. Lucca

    Lucca Fapstronaut

    193
    3
    18
    You are in my prayers tonight. Remember how much Jesus loves you, and he doesn't want you to despair - that is the enemy of life, more than fapping. Forgive yourself - pride says "I have done so much wrong." Humility says "I'm surprised I didn't do worse." Get up, dust yourself off, and keep walking. Christ offers joy - not an end to suffering, but a path of healing, and real joy in happiness or sorrow. He doesn't give us the end itself, but a means to it. He will give you the grace, the willpower, the fortitude to quit - I think too this site is a huge resources for us who struggle, and one of those graces. Christ will give us our side of the bargain to hold up, but we have to trust completely that the strength to win this battle comes from Him. You are made to be great, don't accept anything less. I'm with you - don't believe any lie of satan or the world or from yourself - YOU ARE worth it. YOU are loved. And we can beat this together.
     
    headedup likes this.
  5. Ankur Sharma

    Ankur Sharma Guest

    Our greatest glory is not in never falling, but in rising every time we fall.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Apr 3, 2015
    headedup, Turtle_power26 and Thanatos like this.
  6. KeenEye

    KeenEye Fapstronaut

    231
    115
    43
    Chicks Dig Nofap I am still in the pit you are in now and I completely relate with your situation. I wanted to be dead these last few days and I had to watch myself as I was drained of the enthusiasm, clarity and peace of mind, energy...etc that I gained without the constraints of PMO on my previous streaks. Let's crawl out of this together, you, me, and the other fapstronauts who are in their first week. Love the challenge and accept the misery. With an " I AM READY" attitude you will be able to put all this negativity in their place. Remember also that in the first 3 days, every hour counts so you must be ready for the urges when they come. Develop new techniques to kill or prevent urges too. You are the master of yourself. LET'S DO THIS!
     
    headedup likes this.
  7. JensDK42

    JensDK42 Guest

    Having that feeling of nothing is hard to overcome. I've had it for a long time. But making the most of your life seems to be the best way to erase it. Good luck mate, feel free to pm me, ask questions, anything.
     
    headedup likes this.
  8. Immanuel

    Immanuel Guest

    Praying for you, bro.
     
    headedup likes this.
  9. krashTest

    krashTest Fapstronaut

    15
    1
    3
    I know how you feel, I know what rock bottom means.

    This a journey. All of us will stumble and fall. Accept it as a blessing. Good can come from suffering. This is a reason for hope!

    Know that you won't always feel this way. There will be better days!
     
    headedup likes this.
  10. SerpentEagleHeart

    SerpentEagleHeart Fapstronaut

    374
    146
    43
    Thoughts are with you, man. I don't pray usually but have just said a prayer for you. Hope things get better soon.
     
    headedup likes this.
  11. Z Dog

    Z Dog Fapstronaut

    60
    24
    8
    This mood will pass dude.

    You will pull through it and have gained the experience of a relapse.
    Your post has helped me as I know if I relapse I will have the same experience and I really don't want it.
    My prayers are with you. One day at a time you will regain your strength and peace of mind. Stick with it.
     
    headedup likes this.
  12. VanillaMochi

    VanillaMochi Fapstronaut

    1,261
    79
    48
    Day 1.

    Almost deleted my instagram but it says I can't use the same username again... then I came on here and read all the kinds words from everyone. I think I won't delete it. I was feeling rejected/depressed about something. I'll sleep on it.

    Going to hook up my mic and post another audio even though I am dead tired. I think that it's important for myself and others to continue making them.

    Thank you again to everyone that responded. I do feel better but I have a long way to go.
     
  13. headedup likes this.
  14. VanillaMochi

    VanillaMochi Fapstronaut

    1,261
    79
    48
    Day 2-3.

    Had a good two days. Feeling better for sure.

    I'm still smoking but I think that I'm going to stop tomorrow. No more.

    Looking forward to a brighter future.
     
  15. heyitshannes

    heyitshannes Fapstronaut

    256
    21
    18
    As I post this, you're 1 hour away from 3 days. Great job guy. Keep going. Know that you have a God that cares about you, and is always there when you need strength. Also, you have support here in this community. We're here when you need to chat or when you have urges.
     
    headedup likes this.
  16. SerpentEagleHeart

    SerpentEagleHeart Fapstronaut

    374
    146
    43
    Keep at it man!

    Also don't be so hard on yourself - if you're trying to give up Fap and smoking at the same time it's going to make it double difficult! I've found that changing things slowly, through small successes always works much better...

    Good luck!
     
    headedup likes this.
  17. VanillaMochi

    VanillaMochi Fapstronaut

    1,261
    79
    48
    Day 4.

    Long day. Thought about some triggers. I need to start using rubber bands again. I've got a whole baggy full.

    They're great for breaking the fantasizing circle in my head.
     
    headedup likes this.
  18. VanillaMochi

    VanillaMochi Fapstronaut

    1,261
    79
    48
    Goal for tomorrow: No smoking.
     
  19. Keymash

    Keymash Fapstronaut

    55
    2
    8
    My mother as I always said and as you say "killed herself" with the smoking and the lung cancer.
    My father quit about 40 years ago, he is in his 80's. After a few weeks it never bothered him again.
    The material unit had quit but she had stressors which made her start again. My father started in his early 20's so he could get work breaks with the other ompa lompas [1950's] so when he quit he had no underlying issues to actually make him smoke.

    I am guessing that smoking will be very hard for you to quit. It is probably some sort of way to gain control of something in your life. You might need to figure out what that is or you will be in a world of suck trying to quit. OTOH maybe the nofap thing might be helpful in that regard.
     
  20. VanillaMochi

    VanillaMochi Fapstronaut

    1,261
    79
    48
    On my last streak I went 74 days without smoking. And before that 35 days. I do agree there may be underlying issues but I'm determined to not smoke.
     

Share This Page