No friends. No gf in 5 years.

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Deleted Account, Jan 19, 2019.

  1. I'm not sure how to deal with not having any friends. Talking to strangers (beyond meaningless small talk) is tough for me. I can half-ass small talk, but it seems pointless to me. It reminds me of the sims and just getting that social bar up so I don't paint a face on a bag of potatoes and start treating it like a child. The only place I really feel comfortable approaching strangers is in the bar and bar friends arn't really friends. I can only do this with guys, though.
    Talking to women is a whole other problem. Once I get into a streak of nofap, I get looks from women a lot, but I don't even try to think about approaching anymore. At least before I would actually think about talking to them, but now I've become complaisant with never bothering beyond a quick glance. I'm starting to think about actually trying now, but I think I just expect too much of myself and I'm afraid of failing. Even if I did approach, what would I say? Just ask pointless questions? Would women even be interested in me if they found out that I don't have much of a life? That I don't even have a job?
     
  2. I suggest you work on your own self first. Really. Be a better ,stronger version of yourself and leave the girls for later.

    Sounds hard ,but is what I'm doing too.
     
  3. Clarke

    Clarke Fapstronaut

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    1st, how do you not have a job? You're nearly 30.

    2nd, once you realize that all conversion is equally meaningless doing small talk becomes nbd
     
  4. 1st, Jesus dude...I'm on fucking welfare. Severe depression and autism. Not everyone has it as easy as you.
    2nd, Makes sense.
     
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  5. I can relate to much of what you feel. I haven’t had a gf or sex in over 3 years. I only have a few friends but I suppose that’s better than nothing. I’m currently unemployed so I completely understand what you mean about not wanting to approach women. I’m not even going to try to find a girlfriend until I get my life in better shape.
     
  6. I can understand that one myself , I have been in between jobs from time to time in my life I have thought of those same questions you talked about in the above the answer I found I only want to be around people and spend time with women WHO LIKE ME AS I AM its helped me a lot also another mindset that helped was I AM NOT FOR EVERYONE hope it helps you buddy take care
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  7. GreenDragon28

    GreenDragon28 Fapstronaut

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    Hey,

    Sorry to hear you feel like this.

    Feeling like you don't really have genuine freinds is tough. Have you ever looked in to what hobbies/interests you might have or would want to take up? I've always found it easier to talk to people that I have something in common with. If you've a sport or something you enjoy, it would be worth looking at clubs. When you have things figured out in terms of what you like doing, it might help when it comes to talking to women and help increase your confidence by having things to talk about with them.

    The job situation isn't something for other ppl to comment on. You have your own reasons for not being able to work so don't let that be an issue for now. Hopefully aligning a greater sense of self worth will help with your depression and put you in a better position to find something later that best suits what you might like to do long term.

    For now, I would focus on increasing your confidence and finding your feet/building on skills etc. Either way, I hope things get easier for you in time.
     
  8. Wladimir

    Wladimir Fapstronaut

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    I only have one real friend and its not like we see eatchoter every day more like once Every 2 weeks, but Who gives a shit really. As you get older you will see your friends less and less, i think? I mean it is what it is
     
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  9. Wladimir

    Wladimir Fapstronaut

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    Never had a gf either by the way and dont expect i ever will either but i dont really care about that anymore. Instead do shit that makes you happy, i play xbox hehe
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  10. Dimmed_haze

    Dimmed_haze Fapstronaut

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    I resonate so much with you guys, fear of failure and social anxiety got its grips on me too. Hope we get out of this empty loop.

    The meaningless small-talk part, I know man, makes me tired talking to those kind of people...

    I honestly have no solution to your problems my man, but building a skill is handy. Try calisthenics at home? Work on yourself, as cliché as that sh#t sounds, it fills my loneliness a little bit.
     
  11. Maybe you could try to reconnect with some family and old friends. Not a lot ... like one or two. After that begin to branch out. I can totally relate to your circumstances. As a celibate Christian... it is hard enough to make friends as it is... but then you meet other people and they want to do things that you are not allowed to do..consequently I keep many of my current friendships with fellow Christians. But I do love people a lot ... just they don't want to be friends. Jesus loves you man!
     
  12. Marik757

    Marik757 Fapstronaut

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    From my experience, asking others what women would think about me resulted in more negative feedback than positive that it killed my confidence all together... That said for you, myself included, and everyone else it's best to not dwell on your negative attributes. Instead learn what you can from them to better yourself.

    If you think negatively about yourself, you'll act negatively. If you think positively about yourself, you'll act more positively.

    Fear of failure is what kills peoples confidence the most. It's the same even for me, but you can't learn to improve without failure. People will start blaming themselves by saying "I should have done this instead of that!" When they should instead be telling themselves "what did I do wrong?, and what can I learn from it to prevent it from happening again?"

    It hurts as humans to deal with failure. I mean hell I feel like a big failure having to had resort to PMO....

    When people say "work on yourself" what does that actually mean? At first I was like blah blah blah, same shit different day... Then one day I heard the answer on the radio talk show on my way to work. I heard the words "He needs to Man-Up and take responsibility."

    Yeah, I'm new here, I'm learning but I what to learn and help as much as I can. No, I don't have an gf... I used PMO to fill the void due to social anxiety & depression (medically diagnosed). But I want to change that. One day she'll come along, one for you, and everyone else who stays true to their goals.

    Work on your confidence in small steps. Know that you cant be fixed in one day, but strive to improve everyday. If you don't feel confident enough about yourself, then how can you be confident enough to take care of her?

    First off just get out and do something. Stay active. Look for an Job, or hobby. Find something outside of bar life... Do something that you would enjoy which can involve people at some point. Why bother with an bar knowing you have no job, or interest to support some kind of social status there? Will it suck going out alone doing stuff? Yes it will, but you'll build up your confidence just getting out in public doing something productive. It puts you one step ahead of those still sitting at home resorting to PMO.

    Go to an book store sit down and read something. An book (Fitness, cooking, hunting/survival, motivational stuff, etc.), or if you having a bad day relax with an comic, manga, if it's something you like... whatever. You don't have to buy anything, unless it's one of those store which sells coffee... but that's up to you... If someone comes along then greet them, and carry on. Take a walk in the park, beach, downtown (ignore the bars...) and do some sightseeing. Learn about your town, points of interests, restaurant locations you want try with someone in the future. If someone comes along then greet them, and carry on.

    Don't go out there looking for women, just focus on you. What's happening by just getting out and doing something is you're creating potential conversation topics to discuss with people. Not only that...

    Are you walking with your head down?
    Do you give an friendly smile as you make eye contact with people?
    Oh you have social anxiety? Have you tried looking at the spot between peoples eyes instead of making direct eye contact?
    How do you greet and send people off?

    Stranger: "How are you?
    You: "Good..." or
    You: "Doing well, thank you for asking!"

    Stranger: "Have a great day!"
    You: "Thank you" or
    You: "Will do, you do the same!"

    Better yourself slowly, while not trying to overwhelm yourself. Set goals for yourself. I don't know your life situation, but no one is going to hold your hand without some direction in life...
     
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  13. pornlessgeneral

    pornlessgeneral Fapstronaut

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    1. Find good seduction book. They really work!
    2. Even Forest Gump got laid in the end. And he had worse problems than autism.
    3. You look strong in the photo.
    4.Keep doing the good work. NOT watching pornography and doing semen retention helps you in many other ways.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  14. Do not stress over it, if it doest work and if you keep forcing yourself it just adds up more and more stress.
    Just like UltraFree said. Focus on yourself.

    Everything is going to fall back into its place eventually, dont worry, all it takes is some persistence and patience.
     
    Deleted Account likes this.
  15. hey bro

    Thank you for being so transparent.

    The answer is YES you can attract love.

    You can start conversions.

    You don't have to remember what to say.

    The secret is to be in the right state of mind and connect to other peoples essence.

    As eckhart tolle says you are a Human being. Human + Being.

    You have a physical form (human) - and you have consciousness (being)

    Your being is always perfect and is your true nature.

    Your human side changes, and goes through ups and downs

    Get in touch with the Being side, fall in love with that side, and then you can meet other people let your beings connect.

    To make this more practical, what has worked for me is this...

    1. Start daily discipline to raise your energy:

    > Do 40 minutes of cardio + weight training + Yoga ( you can do this at home , no need for gym, but if you go to gym even better)

    > Write down 3 times you are grateful every morning when you wake up

    > Write down the 3 goals/visions inspired ideas

    2. Learn to connect with your essence through silence/meditation

    > Take time for silence and learn how to meditate (do a search under my name I answered some one else about how to meditate there is alot)

    > Put a sticker on your bathroom mirror saying "I love you no matter what"

    > Remember you are not your depression, you are not your autism, those are a temporary appearance in your experience. You are beyond those conditions. Don't ever accept those as who you are.

    3. Get comfortable being weird and uncomfortable with going out, making conversions.

    > Pick a hobbie like salsa, public speaking, or book clubs, search meet up.com and come up with something you can connect o
    > Go to the same meeting 3 times, because as you go again and again your confidence increase.

    > Go to the same coffeee shop 3 times and intend to GIVE value - say hi, pray for them, bless them silently, dont take, just give, give give, unless someone gives back to you receive but dont expect it.

    > When you meet girls, just say hi and wish them have a good day - focus on GIVING value not taking

    > Some of those conversions will escalate.

    > if you do the first 2 steps, you will find it natural and easy to speak and connect.


    You never have to plan falling in love. It just happends, but you have to do the work.

    If you do this sincerly I assure you will have a break throughin the next 30 days :)
     
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  16. The answer is no. Which you of course knew before you started typing the question. Having a satisfying life requires tremendous labor unless you've been born into a very privileged position. Please know that I'm not punching down when I say that, I often feel like complete shit as well.
     
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  17. I need to fix my shit, once and for all lol.
     
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  18. tIoD

    tIoD Fapstronaut

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    What an idea!
     
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  19. Do I detect a hint of sarcasm? lol
     
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  20. tIoD

    tIoD Fapstronaut

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    You choose bro
     
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