No girlfriend no friend no job no life!

Discussion in 'Loneliness' started by Sneezeweeze, Aug 31, 2016.

  1. Sneezeweeze

    Sneezeweeze Fapstronaut

    8
    9
    3
    Hi i'm a 20 years old guy with not much of a life, i've never had a girlfriend or sex and for the last couple years havent had any friends either. I'm also pretty shy to talk to people and often come over as really nervous when speeking to someone.

    At times when i do talk to people i'm so focused on trying to act normal that i often dont even listen to what they're saying which leads to some pretty awkward situations when they ask me a question. I think most of this has to do with me getting bullied in school, when i see people of my age i often feel threatened by them even though they dont even do anything wrong.

    Also i dont have a job cause i'm too afraid for an interview with someone i dont know. My biggest fear is that i'm gonna end up like one of those 30-40 year olds that never had a girlfriend or sex. And that i'll never ever accept that's why i decided to make a change! 3 months ago i started working out and yesterday i joined NoFap after watching some video's and reading about the benefits of not jerking off i thought to myself this is just what i need! After all i can use a bit of extra confidence and motivation. Im currently on my first day and the feeling of doing this already makes me feel a lot better about myself. The fact that i'm not sitting still and let this happen to myself anymore but rather trying to improve myself gives me hope for the future again!

    Thanks for reading and sorry if there are some spell errors in there...
     
  2. nosmoothsailing

    nosmoothsailing Fapstronaut

    29
    16
    8
    Sound like me two years ago. No girlfriend, no friends...

    I got out there and started doing some voluntary work. While doing that I met my girlfriend, got a friend and was offered some projects. If I want to, I can start as a full time software developer, just because 1 person saw me out there and recommended me to his boss.

    If you want your life to get better, you have to do it yourself. Get of your ass and just fuck it, go to that interview.
    YOU CAN DO IT!!
     
    Xwin, Liverpoolfan1995 and Yesodi like this.
  3. tweeby

    tweeby Banned

    Great, the hardest part is following through.

    Just keep on doing that and also lower your standards. When you tend to look at "love" or "matters of the heart" you tend to look at it differently.
    Like she's got to be the one. But it's the same like a job. You gotta work your way up the ladder.

    Start of dating those ugs who you don't get shy around and know they like you. Then you can start upgrading your standards.
    Good luck man.
     
  4. iceman40

    iceman40 Fapstronaut

    184
    214
    43
    Here are somethings you can do to become more comfortable with everything.
    1. Join social groups. They range from cooking, art, hiking, and everything else.
    2. Take classes: Improv, art, Spanish, etc
    3. What you think people of you is 100% in your head. When I go out, I'm thinking about so much going on in my life that I don't think about anyone else.
    4. Immature and low self esteem people will put others down in trying to make themselves feel better. If this happens to you think of how small they are.
    5. I was bullied in high school too. 20 years later I make a six figure salary, traveled to over 30 countries and some more than once, been with close to 500 women ( locals and escorts), and control my own destiny. The bullies are in dead end jobs, out of shape, and live paycheck to paycheck.
    6. Read, listen, watch go motivational materials. There are at least 1 dozen great speakers out there: tony robbins, wayne dyer (dead now), and so much more.
    7. Don't ever give up !!!
     
  5. Dziki007

    Dziki007 Fapstronaut

    388
    225
    43
    I had same feeling as you in your age, i thought i never meet women, had sex etc. One night i met girl, she wasnt pretty but she was attracted to me and she grabbed me to home, i didint want to come i was so afraid and shy. We had sex that night and it was over, that feeling im not virgin anymore is nice. I was virgin till i was 24. So like tweedy said, try to find not super attractive girl. super horny and dont think about "it must be special, that first time"
     
  6. Sunshadow

    Sunshadow Distinguished Fapstronaut

    I disagree quite strongly with the other suggestions in here. I'm a 20 year old guy, and I still don't have a girlfriend. There's one girl that I'm starting to get close to, but it's going slowly, and I want to take it slowly, because I do want my first girl to be special, not just a pretty face that I forget in a year's time.

    I guess it comes down to what you actually want out of a relationship. If all you want is to get laid, then you're going to attract shallow girls who'll leave you when you're not exciting anymore. If you want a real relationship that will stand the test of time, then it's going to take a lot of work.

    Losing your virginity shouldn't be a life goal, IMO. A real relationship and a wife should be your life goal.

    That being said, it's great that you're stepping up to the plate to make a change in your life! If you work on yourself, without worrying what other people think, you will start coming across as more confident and attractive. All the best!
     
  7. Sneezeweeze

    Sneezeweeze Fapstronaut

    8
    9
    3
    Yeah i think i'm gonna do that too, just get laid with a not so pretty girl maybe helps me with convidence
     
  8. Dziki007

    Dziki007 Fapstronaut

    388
    225
    43
    I can say more about maybe you can relate to it, i hope you understand me, my english is not that good. Since i was kid i had some fantasy idea that i would meet girl in some park in sunny day and we would had beatiful sex and we stay forever together etc. Its always diffrent in real world then projecting our own future in mind. So i changed my mindset and just wanted only finally had sex and not being virgin, so i made it one night, it wasnt romantic night, it wasnt so beatiful, it was actually brutal animal sex, i was drunk and she was drunk but we both were fuucking horny like rabbits and we had sex few times (i even forgot about condom :D) during night. On the next day i felt like god, doesnt matter how it went, i just did it and my convidence boosted so fuucking high. I wish i could do it earlier, but unfornutalelty porn and fapping blocked me. I do belive becasue of porn and fapping i lost so many opportunites in my life to meet girls. So do what you want, if you feel bad about being virgin, then make something about it, sleep with drunk not pretty girl. If you feel its okay bieing virigin and you dont give fuuck about it then then wait for dream girl. Greetings man, i feel you and i wish you best.
     
  9. solsticeboy

    solsticeboy Fapstronaut

    30
    23
    8
    I think that the big focus should be to

    1) Actually be moving forward with education/work/hobbies & activities/passions/explorations...
    2) Focusing on making friends with men AND women and identifying the people you can depend on and who you care about the most.
    3) "What makes me get up in the morning?" "What kind of difference do I want to make?" "What creativity inside me do I want to unleash in the world?"

    I think this is better than just going straight from trying to NoFap/PMO and looking into getting girls interested and attracted to you. We need to give ourselves time. If you just go from despair and recognizing you have an "addiction" then you're going to feel desperate and insecure-->perpetuating the anxiety and depressive emotions that led us to PMO in an unhealthy fashion in the first place. Let romance/dating/sex fall into place "naturally."

    If you meet a girl and you click-by all means see how far things can go! But don't put that weight on yourself. It's not worth it. We are NOT defined by the women we've dated or slept with, but by how we have made ourselves dated when the time comes.
     
  10. happyhour

    happyhour New Fapstronaut

    2
    0
    1
    Wow we have so much in common its crazy , except for the job part .
     
  11. mynameisjeff

    mynameisjeff Fapstronaut

    19
    5
    3
    You are taking positive steps in your life, well done and keep it up
     
    tout ça pour ça likes this.
  12. yousuff

    yousuff Fapstronaut

    445
    493
    63
    I do not have GF, and jobs too but I have few friends, I always keep in touch with them. I am much focused on my academic studies and preparing myself for graduate school. At the same time I am trying to have job that won't interfere much to my preparation and I deem I will manage one soon.

    I have inured to the life of having no GF because I have much important things ahead. I believe to meet someone on the way of life.
     
  13. DSMtoBER

    DSMtoBER New Fapstronaut

    4
    6
    3
    I am going to disagree with what some other have said and advise against finding a girl who is willing to have sex with you to boost your confidence. Virginity is a social construct and not something you should care about, just because media and popular culture glorify sex doesn't mean that it has to mean that much to you.

    In fact it seems odd to me that so many people here on a forum for trying to live more healthily when it comes to sex would recommend finding a gal to bang and use just to boost your confidence. That isn't a healthy form of sexuality. That is using another person as a means to an end.

    It's so awesome you've decided to join this community and a commend your courage and will to stop fapping for health.

    If you find a girl you like and care for and the two of you wish to have sex, go for it. But having sex or even not fapping isn't going to solve your issues.

    I'd do what a few others have suggested and start trying to get out there and interacting in different social setting, doing volunteer work, join a volunteer organization about a cause your care for, etc. Interact with people in these kinds of setting, get used to it, and eventually join a club developed around a hobby or develop a hobby that made lead to making friends etc. Go order coffee or a drink and ask the bartender what they think is good. Do little things, and it'll add up over time.
     
  14. Mattomatic

    Mattomatic Fapstronaut

    32
    15
    8
    I can really relate to being shy and getting nervous talking to people, and I was also bullied a lot in school. The one thing that seemed to help me was cognitive behavioral therapy. Now I know there's a lot of stigma against therapy, but hear me out.

    The cognitive part of the therapy is about teaching yourself how to get rid of the negative thoughts that cause social anxiety and shyness, and the behavioral part is about training yourself to get used to those situations that make you feel uncomfortable. You take baby steps to push the boundaries of your comfort zone, and little by little, you find yourself better able to handle situations that once gave you anxiety. Whether it's talking to new people, or a girl, or doing a job interview, the truth is a TON of people have issues overcoming shyness, so it's nothing to feel bad about. I really recommend looking into CBT as an option.

    I can't speak for everyone, I can only speak to my own personal experiences, and I can honestly say my life really changed for the better when I started CBT. I still have a lot of work to go though. I found a site that offered coaching since I couldn't afford to see an actual professional, so I know there are resources out there if you have any aversion to seeing someone in person.

    Anyways, I hope this helps.
     
  15. BlackZtype

    BlackZtype Fapstronaut

    40
    23
    8
    A few days ago I just turned into 23 and I feel a little bit pathetic when this issue kick in, I am 23 years old and still a virgin, the most important thing I can't deal with is that my penis is too small and likely have PE, this is so shitty, I don't even know how to deal with it in the future, I almost gonna cry for this shit
     
  16. IGY

    IGY Guest

    This is a common fear of boys and men. Society has taught us, wrongly, that having a big dick means we are a real man. That is bollocks. It is unlikely that your penis is technically a micro-penis. Therefore, it is fine if it average or even below. Also, it is only the size of your erect penis that matters. Don't take any notice of societal or pornographic expectations. :)
     
  17. paloloj9

    paloloj9 Fapstronaut

    18
    20
    3
    Exactly, what you need to do first is to quit PMO..is incredible how quitting this, your other problems seem to be easier to solve..look until now you think you're shy because PMO makes us introvert people..there's a part in our mind that says constantly "you're guilty" and then we suppose everybody is looking at us with that perspective.
    I'm on my 12 day..I've always been an extrovert man, but only with people new in my life..with my family or friends my attitude was introvert..since I quit this, I start to get conversations with them again.

    So my advice is keep going with this and take it one thing at time..don't focus now in your sexual life, your social skills or your job..just start free PMO.

    Good luck Sneezeweeze!
     
  18. The human failure

    The human failure Fapstronaut

    337
    346
    63
    Where do you find CBT? I can't find it anywhere.
     
  19. Mattomatic

    Mattomatic Fapstronaut

    32
    15
    8
    When I did it online, I used a website called Joyable.com (I didn't include this in my original post because I didn't want it to seem like spam). They teach you everything you need to know, and then most of the exercises/activities are self planned and self guided. They do set you up with a coach, with whom you correspond via email or possibly text messaging to help keep you on track and to answer any questions you may have. I signed up for three months and when that was over, I felt I had made significant progress, and didn't wish to continue my subscription. It does cost money, but it's orders of magnitude cheaper than paying a therapist at an hourly rate.

    Let me know if you decide to try it out, I can also try and answer any questions you have, or talk about my experience with CBT. Best of luck!
     

Share This Page