No intercourse for almost 8 years now.

Discussion in 'Problematic Sexual Behavior' started by needs_85, Jun 3, 2019.

  1. needs_85

    needs_85 New Fapstronaut

    Hi everyone,

    I want to share a problem with you that I have for almost 8 years now. Here's the story.

    I first came in contact with pornographic material at the age of 12 or so, have PMO-ed around once a week then, but hardly more than one orgasm per session.

    I was very shy during my teenage years and early twentysomethings (I'm 33 now). A friend of mine introduced me to a book of Neil Strauss, and I started hitting the gym, socialise, be self-confident etc... I had my first sex at the age of 24. However I never entirely got out of porn addiction.

    I remember having my last sexual intercourse in 2011, since then I never had more than oral sex as I wasn't able to keep my erection when trying to penetrate.

    Problems first started when I was with a girl from the neighbourhood. Foreplay was gorgeous, when it was about to come to sex my penis dropped.
    Same again with a girl who I had been with in a relationship. We were together for a month or so, when I first time stayed at her place overnight, again I got a boner, but then dropped again.

    Now I'm with this girl for about almost five years now. I met her in a student dorm, as she was an exchange student from abroad. We instantly liked each other. One night after a hard party we both landed in bed. Again my penis got really hard, when I was about to penetrate dropping again, which I thought was due to the high amount of alcohol in my blood.

    When she finished her studies here, she went back to her home country an we decided to give it a try, whether we could be together over a long distance or not.
    We had the best times together, laughing a lot and playing tricks on each other etc.

    Every time we were in bed though, it wasn't more than oral sex, I told her to fellate me until I come and afterwards I went down on her and used my fingers until she came. I was afraid to try and dare whether I could have sex with her or not. I was always afraid when the evening came, and we went to bed, I was secretly hoping she was too tired, or on her period.

    I explained her, that she wasn't the first girl with whom this happened but never admitted I watch P when she's gone.

    Nonetheless, she now stood four years with me and always was patient and caring, but I see that she really suffers from the situation. She now even wants to move together.

    I've heard of NoFap in November 17 and lasted a max of 180 days since then (interrupted during a business trip) where after a long day and a few drinks relapsed.

    My current streak is at sixty days, but still, when I get intimate with my girl I feel the anxiety to fail again.

    I appreciate everyone's stamina who still is reading to this point and hope for some advise on my situation guys.
    What would you do if you were in my shoes? How can I lose anxiety and completely switch off negative thoughts and just enjoy sex like any other supposed to in my age?

    Cheers and thank you.
  2. King John

    King John Fapstronaut

    I've had a similar problem in the past of getting anxiety before sex and losing my erection. It's not just a porn thing though, it's also about being in your head. If you can get more into your body you'll feel less anxious.

    Things that have helped me are:

    Working out in the gym. Seems to have increased my testosterone and got me in touch with my body.

    Kundalini yoga and meditation. It specifically targets sexual energy at the base of the spine, lets you unlock all the energy you've stored on a NoFap streak and what I've noticed is it gets me completely out of my head and into my body.

    If it's just a porn thing you could try having sex in a mirror or with a camera hooked up to a screen.
    Deleted Account and needs_85 like this.
  3. UK Lad

    UK Lad Fapstronaut

    It so easy for Americans to get girls n just stay over at their house n fuck all night n keep them as friends n move on to the next one. Wish I had a gf but I don’t think it’s ever gonna happen unless I make it happen!

    Well done on your previous n current streak.

    I’m on day 419/420, slight relapse without masturbation last week but it didn’t count. Focus on the progress of 400 days. Can’t stop watching Joel Alvarez put duct tape on naked girls, in Miami in public. These girls go to nightclubs wearing nothing but body glitter. !!

    I’ll be honest, I myself can’t get an erection. Plus I got severe upper back pain I think from Pmoing.

    It could be down to a few things but I really couldn’t help u.
  4. Hey, you mean even after 420 days of No PMO, you still can't get an erection to have sex with a girl? Was it Monk Mode or have you done something like edging?
    UK Lad likes this.
  5. UK Lad

    UK Lad Fapstronaut

    Not much edging to be honest. I’m also on meds that could be causing it!
    Deleted Account likes this.
  6. Brown Boy

    Brown Boy Fapstronaut

    dude, u hv a gf and she know all this nd still with u. she even wants to move in with u. how can u hv anxiety with her.
    Just be completly honest with her, tell her everything abt this. when u go to bed with her, do whatever u want, dont think too much abt it and if u get a boner then go for it.
    and did u go to a doctor for this problem?? there might be other reasons for that than PMO.
    And i m also dealing with the same problem.
    george53 likes this.
  7. Infrasapiens

    Infrasapiens Fapstronaut

    It sounds like you got the one. Stop watching pornography, calm down and just let things happen. If you worry about it, things will go bad. She seems to love you and you seem to love her, focus on that instead of staying hard.

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