No more Compulsive Lying

Hands down this is something you'll probably see even bigger benefits from than from NoFap. While I'm pretty sure all of us can name a million reasons lying is a bad idea - when you're still doing it you don't realise just how profound a negative effect is has on //yourself// and not just on others. Once you stop, it's like there'd been an elephant sitting on top of you and it just finally stood up and left. You feel a million times lighter, and a whole lot of stress disappears.

I know when I was younger I lied a LOT. After I quit my drug addictions I made a resolve to change that, and it's one of the best decisions I ever made. I think it develops in childhood like you said - we learn that if we do bad things, and our parents/teachers/etc find out, we get punished in one way or another - which you'd think would teach us not to do the bad things, but more often it teaches us instead that we need to avoid anyone finding out about them. So as a result lying becomes a habit almost every person grows up with pretty early on.

It's one a lot easier than PMO to break though. Really all it takes is deciding to be honest from this day forward. If you catch yourself slipping up and lying to someone, just immediately correct yourself - people won't be mad at you if you're quick to correct the mistake. Hell, even old lies you've told before, you might be surprised at how forgiving people are if you open up and tell them the truth. Often the most harsh judge to the things you've done is yourself - and sitting with those lies will just cause you to face your own judgement time and time again, by releasing them to the people you've lied to and allowing yourself to be honest and show integrity - you can cease that judgement.

There's a saying that those who never lie have nothing to have to try to remember - and it's true. Your life will become a whole lot less messy when you can just be completely yourself and entirely honest. You'll also find that a lot of the people you lied to //knew// you lied anyway, so your lies weren't protecting anyone - and getting the truth out there will give everyone involved some relief.

Best of luck man, great decision!

 

Hey @TheDisciple,

This is a great topic to bring up.

Addicts lie.

That's it.

If we could come clean with no fear of punishment or shame or seeing the damage of our behavior then maybe we wouldn't. But, I want to maintain my image(s) as a man of integrity and so on.

Telling the truth is a big risk and "will just hurt her". It made me vulnerable and I didn't like that. I chose self-protection (survival) over relationship built on honesty.

How can you have real relationship without honesty, without that naked feeling of exposure to punishment that you may rightfully deserve? I don't think you can. Not anything of depth anyway.

When I introduce myself at my 12 step, I always mention that I am recovering from porn and lying. Good for you to notice that you need to improve and that you noticed the punishment doesn't always happen.

 

Good topic, mate.

"When a man lies he murders some part of the world. These are the pale deaths men miscall their lives."
Paul Gerhardt

To elaborate on jfromcr, lying is an absolute selfish manipulation. We are considering only our self centered interests, intentionally discarding care and respect for our SO, and leaving them woefully in the dark to satisfy our want to carry on our behaviors unencumbered by any consideration of them or our relationship.

Like @jfromcr I am on the wagon from porn and lying. They are in tandem for me.