No more goals or encouragement

NotAfraid · Apr 17, 2016

Through my life I've always wondered how come everything I do always dies after revealing it to others. All the projects I had stopped at the very moment I told someone about them and got feedback from them.

Then I bumped to this psychological fact and after that it was so clear. My relapses always came(no pun intented) after a congratulation of getting so far.

"Announcing your plans to others satisfies your self-identity just enough that you’re less motivated to do the hard work needed. " Source

I've learned this to be true SO many times in my life. And I've seen it happen all around me. I know you've experienced it too.

We should not be talking about our intentions nor should be telling people to "keep up" their good work. Ironically, there is nothing more discouraging than the sense on acceptance people gain from this.

We should only provide information to help others. No more goals or thumbs up. It's too nice, because this demon in my head ain't nice.

I learned it was hard not to talk about my goals at first. Hard to resist the urge to spill the beans, but it has helped a lot. I won't tell how it has helped me, since it might discourage me. One of the reasons I've been away for so long. I don't see the point in journals anymore.

Just saying, shut up and do your best. It might make the difference.

Ikindaknew · Apr 17, 2016

@NotAfraid ,

Yes, that or you speak to "false supporters" that will undermine your efforts.

letter · Apr 17, 2016

Hey, if that works for you, that's great. I certainly see the wisdom in it. It's a good point to ponder upon.

Conversely, from experience, having been shut up for a very very very long time there is another side to the coin of this. It is true that acceptance is a driving force in our human emotions and that a fulfillment of that here can be counterproductive, but it is also true that deprivation of this acceptance can lead one to finding it in other (typically, unhealthy) places. At least, that has been my case.

I find the balance in that I don't want to find acceptance in the superficial things, like you said.. recognition and praise from goals and achievements.. but in the things that are deeply meaningful such as the connections we make with one another and the memories we leave behind. To that end, I don't mind sharing my goals and successes. They become a means through which I make opportunity to find those deeper things I seek. It gives people a place to begin to relate to me from.

But, I'm the type that will be dissatisfied with the kind of things you described above. I know that other people do derive their satisfaction from these shallow pools of water, and your words will serve them with a good admonition to take more care. I like your perspective because it is different from mine and I can learn from it. I hope you don't mind me sharing my own different perspective and hope that it serves you well.

Cheers, and all the best to you in your journey.

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No more goals or encouragement

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