No one is coming to save you.

Discussion in 'Rebooting - Porn Addiction Recovery' started by MrSalvatore001, Oct 20, 2019.

  1. MrSalvatore001

    MrSalvatore001 Fapstronaut

    I've been wanting a miracle to happen in my life for several years. I thought maybe a girl would come and change my whole life or a guy friend who would support my endeavors.
    I wanted people to care about me.
    But years go by and miracles never happen and I always feel stuck.
    It's hard for me to embrace change as I am scared of the unknown so I'm always waiting for a stranger to save me.
    I guess deep down I couldn't trust myself to do something that will change my life for the better so I depended on imaginary characters.
    So now I'm trying to change that by taking on a few responsibilities.
    And I've been feeling really left out and lonely without a direction for the last couple of days. Previously, I would've relapsed days ago but just because I'm not getting real-life female interactions I'm not going to rely on pixelated women.
    I need to change my mindset.
    T-72 M4, darylpoynter, LoooL and 9 others like this.
  2. SemenTank

    SemenTank Fapstronaut

    Just dont be a pussy. Dont be a woman pleaser and be yourself by yourself. Thats it.
  3. Randy Andy

    Randy Andy Fapstronaut

    Wow I relate so much, I love the title alone. I think one of the biggest problems we face in this endeavor is misundertanding. In particular, I am positive that my mind misunderstands helpful concepts like "responsibility" in a way I can only describe as deliberate. Responsibility is neither self flagellation nor doing everything ones self, responsibility is an ability to respond differently in the future. And that can include talking actions I do not believe will work simply because what the hell else an I going to do. Can't live with it or without it but I haven't tried everything very single option so back to goin be at the gates of hell have and tongs with no hope of winning, truly. Take the idea of "giving up." Most of us, regardless how bad the pm+ ever get, simply refuse to do that considering it weak and beneath us as agents of our own destiny (and look at what we're participating in with our priceless right to choose for ourselves, the only thing like real Control in the universe I think, though I can't know for absolute certain). But p is beneath us. And I certainly chased my trail in these circles for years, I couldn't crack the nut of these riddles. I think the idea that "this will work, I finally found the one thing that if I do it enough and do it right it'll fix new" is exactly what will guarantee it to be just one more thing that doesn't work. And in turn that hopelessness is actually the best place for me to find myself in touch with the magic bullet I had been looking for for a decade and had despaired of finding and that's why it worked it was in a sense not me.
    And a big part of how I get in touch with all that is beyond me, because of course there is so much that is beyond me especially beyond my understanding like why do I keep doing this, is talking to others doing what they tell me and trying to help those who want it. Taking direction including when I don't want it :). Think about it, here's a guy who often thinks he wants something that he deeply dislikes because it hurts so much and never delivers on the promise, so doing what I'm told when I don't want is actually par for the course really. I don't want to switch from depending on women for a sense of "self worth" to depending on myself back and forth. There's a way to work with others that is selfless and take direction without being dependent but I often fall into looking to people as if they could fill my needs. Everything in the journey of loving free if counterintuitive, I have to both look to myself and others. It's not how and why I do things than what, there's a strong tendency for me to think that if I do the right things I'll get there results I want but it has a lot more to do with attitude and motives than details.
    I tried confessing to girl friends I wasn't interested in for years, what a dumb idea :). In retrospect how did I think that would work, how was that oingg to go in my mind? Then I tried harder after ten years of getting more and more nuanced in my plans to improve myself to some vague and nebulous point that I'd be ok with myself, I tried getting married thinking that would *DEFINITELY* fix it. Not even close. And that's with real love and a lot of happiness, at least the kind I knew back then. A kind of distracted, held back "happiness.". Not her fault it was my broken insides, I could have been happier if I'd let go.
    People do care they just don't know it they can't care if I don't. It's interrelated, it can start with me caring about them and myself. There's a sense in which I don't need things from others, but I get caring from them as a bonus at least as much as they're available for at the time. We all just get into states, no idea it's even happening much less what state or why or what if anything it means much less how to get into a state we feel better in.
  4. Kexas23

    Kexas23 Fapstronaut
    NoFap Defender

    Read No More Mr. Nice Guy by Dr. Glover. It changed my life, it'll change yours.
    MrSalvatore001 and Nugget9 like this.
  5. HA HA HA! You are exactly where I was. The truth is ... everyone got problems and fears to lose control about their life.
    Heroes don't just save lives but hearts too! I was waiting... and waiting for several years as well. I got depressed and procastinated... I was in... college (the thing before university) I fapped very often. I wasted hours of my day and also looked for excuses so I don't take part in social activites because in my mind " I GOTTA DO MY SHIT OR I WILL FAIL EVERYTHING" but did I do anything ? No.. I procastinated. I was at the edge to give up everything I wanted to become and do but then Hope kicked in and my younger-self (in my mind) stopped me from jumping into nothingness... I got something similar to a "mental breakdown" I hit rock bottom. I cried and screamed a lot right infront of my parents... that day my young-self was the Hero who saved me... I've told this story like 1000 times now... If there is no hero in sight, unleash the hero inside!
    Become the Hero you need most!
    Fede83, mark_peter, marr708 and 7 others like this.
  6. SnowWhite

    SnowWhite Fapstronaut

    You got it. This is actually the solution and the way to a meaningful and successful life.
    In the moment you start taking responsibility for yourself and stop waiting for others to help you, life gets a total new quality.
  7. MrSalvatore001

    MrSalvatore001 Fapstronaut

    That helps a lot.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  8. MrSalvatore001

    MrSalvatore001 Fapstronaut

    Damn man! looks like you've been through a lot.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  9. Innervision

    Innervision Fapstronaut

    Keep this core believe on the real things instead of artificial stuff and you can perceive real progress been made, even if it is unnoticeable at first glance. I'm on this same situation about real-life female interactions and even with some good experience on this Nofap path I still have a pattern of self-sabotage on this topic. But definitely I can feel things getting easier and smoother as months pass. Of course it requires huge discipline, self control and clarity about your goals. But the other option simply is not available anymore, i.e. being a shadow of what I can truly be in life, with all its flavors and conquests. Keep it up, brother!
    Deleted Account likes this.
  10. MrSalvatore001

    MrSalvatore001 Fapstronaut

    I just wanted to know how to talk to women in general. Like in my mind I am objectifying every hot girl I see. So I want to talk to them but I can't because of fear of rejection. And I don't want to talk to girls who are not hot because I'm not attracted to them. So I just want to jump on hot girls before even getting comfortable with women in general.
    Deleted Account likes this.
  11. You_ll_succed_for_sure

    You_ll_succed_for_sure Fapstronaut

  12. Find little ways you can succeed or break out of your shell. I would suggest pushing your comfort zone a little bit once or twice in the next week - maybe it's just saying hello to someone at the coffee shop or doing some volunteer work. If it brings you into contact with people and allows you to converse, that's good. By the way, plain, nerdy girls are definitely the hottest, and they don't get the attention they deserve. No doubt one has already noticed you.
  13. Oceanman1

    Oceanman1 Fapstronaut

    You won’t get anything because been wanting and waiting for a miracle to happen, Instead don’t wait for a miracle... just make it happen.
  14. MrSalvatore001

    MrSalvatore001 Fapstronaut

    I've started a similar process where I push past my comfort zone little by little with respect to talking to women.
    And sure I'll try to talk to some nerdy girls too. :)
    Ogikubo and Deleted Account like this.
  15. MrSalvatore001

    MrSalvatore001 Fapstronaut

    Understood bro!
    That's what I'll do now.
    Oceanman1 and Deleted Account like this.
  16. NicoRobocop

    NicoRobocop Fapstronaut

    not miracles here, just a damn pain in the ass for changing... but it's worth it
  17. Yup! It's good to keep one's sense of humor!
    MrSalvatore001 and NicoRobocop like this.
  18. mark_peter

    mark_peter Fapstronaut

    That's probably the hardest pill to swallow about life:
    It's all about you and nobody actually gives a fuck.
    And it made me angry at first when i realized this truth but at the end i think it has something freeing that helps me every day to create myself a little bit more pushing the boundaries.
    MrSalvatore001 likes this.

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