Hi all,
I did not realise I could do an introduction thread and I have already posted something in a different section.
I am 45 and I have been a porn addicted since I was 23, when I first had internet and I could watch images and videos of all the fantasies I have had since I was 13.
I reckon the fact there was not internet when I was young has been beneficial in the fact I do know and do recall how it feels to have real sex with a real woman.
My fantasies are about femdomination and since I started to watch porn escalated to extreme scenarios, cuckold, crossdressing, sissy hypnosis, to the point they eventually altered my sexual tastes, or I believed they did.
As I have also acted on my fantasies many times in real life, I have realised that they have always been only fantasies, a way to escape the world and to soothe from anxiety and depression. I have been working with a therapist for a couple of years, and that helped me realising that I was still a porn addicted until 20 days ago, as I was always encountering a wall any time I was making progress on my mental issues. The wall was my porn addiction, that took off all my energies and my desire of meeting people, decreasing massively my self estime and my motivations in doing anything at all.
I first came across the concept of porn dependancy when I was 27, in 2003, but at the time I thought that just not binging on it any more would have sorted my problem. I thought my problem was my Femdomination fantasy rather than watching it. Certainly not binging helped a lot to have some form of normal life, but recently I have realised that I had been lying to myself, and though the time spent watching videos has always been much less than when I first started, I realised that I was still a porn addict. I used porn, instagram and twitter images etc... as a habit and a form of soothing, every morning I could only start functioning after watching my favourite Mistresses on Twitter while smoking a cigarette.
This has led me to a very unfulfilled life, not only with women, but in every aspect of my life, as it took all my energies and positive thinking off, and made me feel different and inferior to others, certainly not worth the attention of women.
It is incredible as now, with only 21 days of rebooting with no porn, I have already seen unbelievably good results, especially in my attitude toward life and other people, especially women.
I am experiencing the dreaded flatline, and chances wanted that after few days I made the decision to quit porn, I slept with a woman I have always liked. That was amazing for my self estime, but I had to tell her about the flatline and that I could not have sex. It did not hurt though, it felt normal to share it with her, and this feeling of not being scared of women and of being considered "not a real man" is already a massive result.
In the last few days though, after interacting and flirting with real women, I felt the need to masturbate thinking of them, and I believe that this is what could be called healthy masturbation. I was not thinking of anything extreme, just kissing them or making love to them. I am not sure if this the right way to go, but for what I have read I guess that there is not 1 unique way of rebooting, and I understand that some says that some healthy masturbation could be beneficial. I try to avoid it in any case, and I have masturbated only when I felt excited about a real woman, it has happened twice so far in 21 days.
I have had a life of sexual frustration, as my erections have often been unreliable, and I have failed to have an erection with several women: this, together with other issues, contributed to my anxiety and sometimes depression. I was also lucky to have had some amazing sex with different women, probably because my brain had not been conditioned when i was very young: I do know what I am missing, and that is a great incentive now that I believe I can have a normal life.
I really feel liberated since I started my rebooting, and I am really positive about the outcome, although I know that it will take a while, that there will be difficult moments and that I will also have to keep working hard on other issues.
Sorry if I am been too long, it is nice to share my story with people who surely understands what I am saying and are in a similar position.
Good luck to everyone with their rebooting.
I did not realise I could do an introduction thread and I have already posted something in a different section.
I am 45 and I have been a porn addicted since I was 23, when I first had internet and I could watch images and videos of all the fantasies I have had since I was 13.
I reckon the fact there was not internet when I was young has been beneficial in the fact I do know and do recall how it feels to have real sex with a real woman.
My fantasies are about femdomination and since I started to watch porn escalated to extreme scenarios, cuckold, crossdressing, sissy hypnosis, to the point they eventually altered my sexual tastes, or I believed they did.
As I have also acted on my fantasies many times in real life, I have realised that they have always been only fantasies, a way to escape the world and to soothe from anxiety and depression. I have been working with a therapist for a couple of years, and that helped me realising that I was still a porn addicted until 20 days ago, as I was always encountering a wall any time I was making progress on my mental issues. The wall was my porn addiction, that took off all my energies and my desire of meeting people, decreasing massively my self estime and my motivations in doing anything at all.
I first came across the concept of porn dependancy when I was 27, in 2003, but at the time I thought that just not binging on it any more would have sorted my problem. I thought my problem was my Femdomination fantasy rather than watching it. Certainly not binging helped a lot to have some form of normal life, but recently I have realised that I had been lying to myself, and though the time spent watching videos has always been much less than when I first started, I realised that I was still a porn addict. I used porn, instagram and twitter images etc... as a habit and a form of soothing, every morning I could only start functioning after watching my favourite Mistresses on Twitter while smoking a cigarette.
This has led me to a very unfulfilled life, not only with women, but in every aspect of my life, as it took all my energies and positive thinking off, and made me feel different and inferior to others, certainly not worth the attention of women.
It is incredible as now, with only 21 days of rebooting with no porn, I have already seen unbelievably good results, especially in my attitude toward life and other people, especially women.
I am experiencing the dreaded flatline, and chances wanted that after few days I made the decision to quit porn, I slept with a woman I have always liked. That was amazing for my self estime, but I had to tell her about the flatline and that I could not have sex. It did not hurt though, it felt normal to share it with her, and this feeling of not being scared of women and of being considered "not a real man" is already a massive result.
In the last few days though, after interacting and flirting with real women, I felt the need to masturbate thinking of them, and I believe that this is what could be called healthy masturbation. I was not thinking of anything extreme, just kissing them or making love to them. I am not sure if this the right way to go, but for what I have read I guess that there is not 1 unique way of rebooting, and I understand that some says that some healthy masturbation could be beneficial. I try to avoid it in any case, and I have masturbated only when I felt excited about a real woman, it has happened twice so far in 21 days.
I have had a life of sexual frustration, as my erections have often been unreliable, and I have failed to have an erection with several women: this, together with other issues, contributed to my anxiety and sometimes depression. I was also lucky to have had some amazing sex with different women, probably because my brain had not been conditioned when i was very young: I do know what I am missing, and that is a great incentive now that I believe I can have a normal life.
I really feel liberated since I started my rebooting, and I am really positive about the outcome, although I know that it will take a while, that there will be difficult moments and that I will also have to keep working hard on other issues.
Sorry if I am been too long, it is nice to share my story with people who surely understands what I am saying and are in a similar position.
Good luck to everyone with their rebooting.