No porn, still masturbating. Thoughts?

if you are ok with it then you should not have to ask about it and look into it so much. everybody is different. in my opinion its better to not masturbate at all.

 

I think porn is the main issue, and in rebooting i think it's good to stay away from masturbating for the full 90 and then after that make a judgment call if it's something you want to do in moderation

me personally though i just dont want to do it, i eventually want real relationships and intimate connections, i've used my hand enough for one lifetime.

 

I feel most people find success in this journey by going through stages. For me, I realized that porn is the ONE thing I want to go right now. So I will still masturbate when I feel I need to. I also have learned that I can easily go a week before needing to do anything sexual so I will go at least that long. And then work on going longer and longer between times until I don't need it at all. That may be easier for me because porn has never been a huge part of my life. I only ever watched when I was aroused and had no other outlet. Maybe 2 times a week tops or so. I feel its best for me to cleanse myself of one aspect entirely and then work on another. At least, that's what I'm trying.

Since you're married, I wouldn't try to masturbate too much considering your wife should be your only sexual outlet in my opinion. But everyone's circumstances are different.

 

Thinking about some girl from the gym won't do much for your relationship with your wife. Unless she's as dense as most guys, she is picking up on it, and it will not help her libido.
I am glad to hear that you take your time for foreplay with her. It would be nice if she could also do quickies occasionally for you. You might try working on some communication.

 

I'd avoid masturbation and fantasies as well as P. Someone correct me if i'm wrong, but i think the logic is that it's the same dopamine circuits that get fired up when you M - even if it is just thoughts in your head, you are getting a "artificial" dopamine fix. You might find that you just replace PMO with MO + fantasy in your head. I know that if i wasn't using P for a few weeks, i'd just be Ming, hence I need to quit both.

 

I would agree that even masturbating to fantasy without porn is still not optimal. In the pre-online days, I found masturbating to be demotivating. P and M are entangled at this point, and in my opinion it's best to not indulge. I hope for the best friend.

 

Porn is the fuel for masturbating.

 

You need to cut out the reflex of fantasizing all together. Your brain gets the same unhealthy rush, so no it's not better than porn. Thinking about porn is the same as watching porn, and thinking about having sex with women is porn. The only healthy sexual stimulation your brain can have is real intimacy with your wife, in the present moment and not in your thoughts.

Sounds boring at first and like you're missing out on a lot, but if you stop fantasizing for a couple of weeks you'll find your wife endlessly attractive and be satisfied with her forever. Try it. The only reason your brain gets bored of your wife is because you're training it to be with multiple women. Trust me, you're missing out on a great and fulfilling sex life with your wife. And is probably affecting your marriage in some negative ways subconsciously.

You've got nothing to lose by listening to my advice for a couple of weeks right? Just train your mind to block out sexual fantasies and it'll become a subconscious second nature. You'll be so attracted to your wife by the end of it and you'll both be so happy!

Tip: Create some kind of counter for Fantasizing and harshly reset it if your mind fantasizes for too long. The Habitbull app is good if you have a smartphone. It's also the easiest way to get a long PMO streak since you never get urges by using this method. This is the fastest way to heal your brain.

 

I guess I'm in the minority here, but I think there's nothing wrong with occasional M without P. For me anyway, P is the real problem.

If you and your wife are not on the same libido level, it's only natural that you would need to M and it isn't anything to feel bad about. It keeps those thoughts about gym girls a fantasy and not a reality. As long as it is not affecting your sex life in any way (i.e, she wants it but you already M so you can't or aren't interested, or she finds out and feels bad about it).

Different people are different. You need to find out what the real issue is for you.

 

I'm not trying to tell you that it's morally wrong or make you feel guilty. Just saying that scientifically, fantasies and MO are still bad for you. I totally get where you're coming from. When I was new here, people tried to tell me this stuff and I didn't want to accept it. I tried to get away with P subs, fantasies, edging, trying to justify that it's not technically a relapse and it's ok. You'll do your own research in time as you gain experience.

I don't think I can post links, but someone shared a youtube video with me yesterday titled 'Is Masturbation Healthy? The Science Says' by HeWantsFruit.

I also got a long email from Mark Queppet, NoFap's co-founder explaining to me why sexual fantasies are bad when I had doubts. He said that training ourselves to create this fantasy world where we can express our sexuality is the root of the problem, and that we need to cut off the reflex that creates this virtual world of fantasy.

This is just my experience man. After 2 years of failing I sent him an email asking for help (cause I love his youtube channel 'Sacred Sexuality Project'. I was really torn whether it's ok to fantasize or not, and he pretty much told me no to sum it all up. After following that advice I made it to 93 days and felt my brain really healing.

Anyway I don't expect you to take this advice, but if you get frustrated someday and feel like you're not making progress - you'll always have this method as a backup to try out. Good luck!

 

I'm new here, but I am trying no P for 90 days, then I will move to no P&M for the following 90 days. I think that will work better for my personality. Quell 1 addiction at a time, rather then trying to do it all in one session. If I can go full 90 no P, then I am confident I can go no P&M for the next 90

 

It helps to know that you are a saint, a forgiven, loved, and adopted saint.
It helps to see yourself as a the saint that you are now.
You won't be perfect, but as you spend more time with your spiritual family, you will naturally live more saintly. It is not about acting like a saint, trying to fit in where you don't yet belong. You will never act your way into sainthood, that is a hopeless attempt.

 

I'm a big believer that masturbation is inherently counterproductive. But having said that, I realize that many people have no problem with it whatsoever.

Some people can have a glass or two of wine and be done. Some can't.

Some people can masturbate just once a week. I can't. If I do it once, I'm going to do it 3x a day, at least. From a brain chemistry perspective, my dopamine system gets just as jacked-up as if I'm viewing porn. So for me, I do my best not to let my hand wander (though by my day count, you can see that I've struggled with that lately).

The important thing is to stay self-aware and consider whether or not your behavior is compulsive. If it feels like you have to do it and it almost supercedes your willpower, I'd at least be curious about that.

 

Good points all above. Inherently I found masturbating to be way too easy, even in the pre-online days. My subconscious was telling me "Hey man you need to get a real woman to have sex, playing with yourself is cheating and you are a loser, get out there." Now I know this may sound crude but there is truth in there. Time for me to take heed and get back to basics.

 

I agree! The same for me. Some people can whack it and have no problem. It has ALWAYS limited me in some way, particularly as I got older.

 

Just dont it