No proof all gut and intuition

I think it was @AnonymousAnnaXOXO who put together a thread of telltale signs. When I'm back at a laptop I'll see if I can find it for you. But the bottom line is that sadly your instincts are probably right: if it feels like he's doing porn then I bet he is. He may find it easy to stop if he knows he needs to for you, but many of us still found it next to impossible. That's why we refer to it as an addiction. If he reaches a place where he recognises that he has a problem and wants help we'd love to see him here. The support I've received from people here has made all the difference to my success. Good luck, I'm sorry you are going through this

 

Thanks for tagging me @kropo82 here is the thread I believe you're talking about
https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.p...suspicious-of-your-partners-addiction.124952/

basically we all listed out things that would be suspicious and odd and suggest a porn addiction or usage. I hope this helps!

 

Why wouldn't you check his phone or computer? You absolutely cannot trust an addict, especially if your gut is telling you something differently than what he is.

I'm not above snooping. I put a secret tracker on all my husband's devices because he was simply outright lying to me. Long story short, I confronted him a few months later with the evidence - not in a heated argument but in a very calm, non aggressive way, and he couldn't deny it. He was grateful I did it because he felt ashamed and trapped and didn't know how to get out of it. He thought he could do it on his own. Once it was out he felt a great relief and that's when his journey began. It has not been an easy journey, with many bumps and a couple of restarts, but my coming to him with proof is what finally got him to make the leap - after 20 years of hiding a double life - we are on a road to reconciliation.

I'm not suggesting that snooping or spying is the right choice for everyone, but it was absolutely the right choice for us. And I would do it again in a heartbeat. You gotta do what you gotta do to save your marriage and sometimes that means doing things you wouldn't do under normal circumstances.

 

I am pretty tech savvy so backdoored his laptop and bypassed that password, found his document that he saved all his passwords on, and then saved that to my device. That was the easy way. Otherwise I would have had to backdoor all his devices and depending on the device, that can be challenging (but can be done).

Let me say, I dont suggest this as a first resort. It is extreme and takes you to a different level deceit in your own way. And it also will show you things about your man you probably do not want to know or may not be ready for. I would only do this as a last resort.

For you, the first place to start would be to establish boundaries. These are emotional and physical protections for you from the harm and abuse that porn/sex addiction causes. Instead of just taking passwords like I had to, ask for them as a boundary. Establish consequences for each boundary you make and stick to them. He may try to gaslight you because he doesn't want to let go of the addiction.

Here is a good blog of a woman that set up her own boundaries. You could use these to get you started. There is also a thread started here that I will link. Glean what you find useful and discard the rest.
http://awiferedeemed.blogspot.com/p/our-plans.html?m=1

https://www.nofap.com/forum/index.php?threads/lets-talk-about-boundaries.109686/